TiVoPlex
By John Seal
December 12, 2006
BoxOfficeProphets.com

If you don't poke me in the eye with that cigarette, I won't set you ablaze

From the obscure to the obscurest to the merely overlooked or underappreciated; they all have a home in the TiVoPlex! All times Pacific.

Tuesday 12/12/06

4:40 AM IFC
Never Get Outta the Boat (2002 USA): Drug addiction dramas are a dime a dozen, but this one's a cut above the average, and as a bonus it co-stars two of my favorite contemporary character actors, Thomas Jefferson Byrd and Harry Lennix. Set in a Los Angeles halfway house, Never Get Outta the Boat details the efforts of a disparate group of drug addicts trying to get the collective monkeys off their backs once and for all. Played by a group of unknowns from the New Crime Theatre Company (no, I hadn't heard of them before now, either), our not-so-lovable losers are tended to by Brandon (Lennix) and William (Byrd), a pair of substance abuse counselors with hearts of gold and the patience of Job. Though episodic and occasionally overwrought, the film is extremely well acted and packs a decent punch during its final reel, when Byrd gets to deliver a sizzling soliloquy. The film, which disappeared from view after receiving plaudits at the Toronto Film Festival, also airs at 11:55 AM.

6:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
A Slight Case of Murder (1938 USA): Edward G. Robinson is best known for his hard-boiled gangster roles in films like Little Caesar and Key Largo, but he was also a dab hand at satirizing those very same roles in outings such as this one and the even better Larceny, Inc. (1942). In A Slight Case of Murder, Eddie plays Remy Marco, a veteran bootlegger who has a lot of trouble turning legit after the repeal of Prohibition. Where once the market was wide open for whatever swill could be had, paying customers now expect a quality product, and teetotaller Marco's stuff is not up to snuff. In addition, he has a whole host of other problems to contend with�including four inconveniently placed bodies, a state trooper who's a little too close to the family, and near bankruptcy. The results are hilarious, Robinson brilliant, and the supporting cast�including Allen Jenkins, John Litel, Margaret Hamilton, and Dead End Kid Bobby Jordan�first-rate.

Wednesday 12/13/06

2:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
Once A Thief (1965 FRA-USA): Alain Delon stars in this quirky US-French co-production about a retired criminal who can't escape his past. Now out of the game and steadily employed, Eddie Pedak (Delon) and his wife Kristine (Ann-Margret) are living the middle-class dream in San Francisco. Police officer Vido (Van Heflin) is keeping Eddie under a watchful eye and determined to send him back up the river, however, as he believes the Italian (not French) ex-con shot him a few years earlier. When Vido arrests him on false charges, Eddie loses his job�ironically forcing him back into the criminal life when the opportunity for One Last Big Heist conveniently arises. Co-starring Jack Palance, Jeff Corey, and Tony Musante, Once A Thief brims with beat-era ambience, from its jazzy score to its widescreen, black and white location photography. It was one of a handful of films Delon filmed in the States in an effort to go Hollywood�an effort that thankfully didn't pay off, as Delon soon returned to his native France and an incredible and still ongoing career on the continent.

Thursday 12/14/06

4:25 AM IFC
Umberto D (1955 ITA): A deeply affecting character study, Vittorio de Sica's Umberto D stars Carlo Battisti as the title character, a retired civil servant trying to eke out a living from his insufficient state pension. Threatened by the demands of his landlady (who wants his flat for better heeled tenants), Umberto tries to maintain the appearance of a solid middle-class existence whilst skipping meals and pinching pennies, but the life of a street beggar seems just around the corner for him�and he's desperate to avoid such an indignity. This was the only film for Battisti, a Professor at the University of Florence, and his performance is stunning. Utterly convincing, his reading of Umberto is on a par with that other great one hit wonder of the cinema, The Passion of Joan of Arc's Maria Falconetti. Even if you don't like art films, you have to watch Umberto D, which is one of the greatest and purest examples of the cinematic art form, and the showcase for perhaps its greatest amateur thespian. Also airs at 9:55 AM and 3:00 PM.

12:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Man With the Golden Arm (1955 USA): This was the film that really convinced the world that Frank Sinatra was more than just a pretty crooner, but for me, it's not so much Frank's film as it is Arnold Stang's. Now I know Stang is hardly a household name, but there's something about his performance in this film that is both utterly disarming and completely riveting. He plays Sparrow, the hatchet-faced drinking buddy of Frankie Machine (Sinatra, with perhaps the coolest and most appropriate character name ever), a card sharp who also happens to have a serious heroin addiction. Based on a Nelson Algren novel (and, of course, set on the mean streets of Chicago), the film details Frankie's rise and fall, as he returns to the gutter after failing to make it in the music biz�ah, sweet irony! Directed with gleeful (and in this case, quite appropriate) misanthropy by Otto Preminger, this is perhaps the grimmest film to usher forth from an American studio in the 1950s, and is still pretty rough going today. Incidently, Stang is still with us and has kept busy over the decades, most recently providing voice work for Cartoon Network's Courage the Cowardly Dog series.

7:00 PM Sundance
Kings and Queen (2004 FRA): I haven't seen this lengthy French melodrama, but hey, it's got Catherine Deneuve in it, so I'll give it a plug. Written and directed by Arnaud Desplechin, it's the story�of a lovely lady�who was bringing up three very lovely girls�oh, sorry, no, it's the story of a lovely lady (Deneuve) who serves as the psychiatrist responsible for the care of a mentally disturbed violinist (Mathieu Amalric). Do they make beautiful music together? I don't know, but join me in tuning in to find out.

10:00 PM Sundance
The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things (2004 USA): Based on stories by the now disgraced and (literally) defrocked J. T. LeRoy, this is yet another exploration of the dark and depressing life of a drug addict. Directed by and starring the enigmatic Asia Argento�who you either like or hate (me like)�the film details the crystal meth fuelled descent into Hell of a young mother (Argento), and the picture is neither a pretty nor redemptive one. In fact, it really adds nothing to our understanding of either the overarching social problem of addiction or even the specific characters in the film, but I find Argento a mesmerizing actress and recommend it on her screen presence alone. The supporting cast is an intriguing proposition, too: not only do we have Peter Fonda (The Trip), Michael Pitt (Last Days), Marilyn Manson, Ornella Muti, and Winona Ryder on hand, there's even room for No Wave pioneer and Richard Kern veteran Lydia Lunch as�get this�a social worker! The mind reels!

Friday 12/15/06

2:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
One Sunday Afternoon (1933 USA): Gary Cooper plays a dentist in this frothy rom-com from Paramount. A DENTIST? Good lord, he doesn't even get to ride a horse to work! At any rate, this adaptation of a bafflingly popular stage play features Coop in the uncomfortable climes of comedy, where, oddly enough, he acquits himself reasonably well. He plays stolid tooth mechanic Biff, whose happily married to Amy (Frances Fuller) but still holds a long-term grudge against Hugo (Commissioner Gordon himself, Neil Hamilton) for stealing his childhood sweetheart (Fay Wray) from him. When Hugo shows up in the office for some routine dental work, Biff decides to give him a little too much gas in the chair, but he soon finds out that revenge can often be less than sweet. Filmed several more times over the years, this remains the best screen version of the story, and also features Jane Darwell as our hero's larger than life mother-in-law.

1:15 AM Showtime
La Haine (1995 FRA): A decade before sanding off the last of his rough edges and helming the predictable and dull Halle Berry ghost story, Gothika, director Mathieu Kassowitz wrote and directed this unvarnished look at proletarian youth in 1990s France. The story of a day in the life of three working-class friends - one Jewish, one Arabic, and one African - set against the depressing tower blocks of suburban Paris, and with racism and poverty simmering in the background, La Haine is a black-and-white near-masterpiece. American audiences may recognize Said Taghmaoui, here playing the son of North African immigrants, from his memorable appearance as an Iraqi Army captain in David O. Russell's Three Kings (1999 USA). Also airs at 4:15 AM.

9:00 PM IFC
Yakuza Papers 3: Proxy War (1973 JAP): Moving the story into the early 1960s, Proxy War returns the focus of the series to Hirono (Bunta Sugawara), now trying to maintain his independence from both the Muraoka and Yamamori clans. Still engaged in bloody competition for local racketeering rights, the two clans each feel they have a prior claim on Hirono, now running a semi-legit security company. Things only get more complicated with the arrival on the scene of a rival gang from Kobe, and Hirono tries to maintain a delicate balance between the groups whilst keeping his own nose as clean as possible. Plenty of violence and lots of political intrigue mark this entry in the series, which also airs 12/16 at midnight.

Saturday 12/16/06

4:30 AM Sundance
Heaven Comes Down (2006 USA): If you feel in the need for a little fire and brimstone, look no further than this documentary about Appalachian Pentecostalists. This lot make Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson look like the namby-pamby amateurs that they are: when was the last time you tuned in to The 700 Club and saw good ol' Pat wrasslin' with a snake, drinkin' strychnine, or dancin' in fire? Yeah, that's right, NEVER. It's all here, along with a heaping helping of speaking in tongues and other interesting hobbies of the Pentecostal denomination, which got its start back in North Carolina in '96. Er, 1896, not 1996.

Sunday 12/17/06

11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Viridiana (1961 ESP): One of my favorite Luis Bu�uel features gets an encore performance tonight. It's the story of the title character (gorgeous Silvia Pinal, later to memorably appear as the Devil in Bu�uel's Simon of the Desert), a pious and innocent nun who is paying her rich uncle Jorge (Fernando Rey) a visit. When a grief-stricken Jorge asks Viridiana to don the wedding gown of his beloved but deceased wife, she - in an act of Christian charity, no doubt - complies, with results that will still seem shocking to many viewers today. Many of Bu�uel's films are searing in their criticism of the Catholic church, and Viridiana is no exception. Naturally, I love it. Look for a cameo appearance by the great Mexican character actor Claudio Brook as one of the diners at the most profane Last Supper you've ever seen.

Monday 12/18/06

3:15 PM Flix
Dreamscape (1984 USA): Long absent from the airwaves, this enjoyable science-fiction feature returns tonight�and this being Flix, are we going to get it in widescreen? I'm not sure, but Flix has a habit of springing letterboxed prints on us unawares (this happened again in November when Jean-Jacques Beineix's opera thriller Diva resurfaced in its correct aspect ratio). Regardless, I'll be tuning in to reacquaint myself with Alex Gardner (an absurdly young Dennis Quaid) as he tries to use his psychic powers for good in the face of a terrible government conspiracy designed to plumb the dreams of unknowing subjects. (Today, of course, this is just one of many necessary investigative powers in the hands of the Unitary Decider as he wages his War Against Evil, and we are all grateful that our subconscious minds are reviewed for impure thoughts on a nightly basis.) The film's rogue's gallery includes Christopher Plummer as the nefarious head of covert intelligence, Max Von Sydow and Eddie Albert put in appearances as cat's paws, and Kate Capshaw supplies love interest.

6:00 PM Sundance
Godless In America (2006 GB): One of the most persecuted demographics in the country gets a look-in from this BBC documentary, which makes its stateside television debut this evening. Atheists make up approximately 10% of the population of the United States, but you wouldn't know it from either our political discourse or social structures, which continually undercut secularism in a never-ending effort to score holier than thou points. Anchored around the compelling story of the life and death by murder of Madlyn Murray O'Hair, the bete noire of the religiously inclined, Godless In America was directed by veteran small screen documentarian Leslie Woodhead. Me, I'm a television-worshipping animist.