Survivor: David vs. Goliath
The Chicken Has Flown the Coop
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
October 8, 2018


Previously on Survivor, haphazard safety measures led to a cast member breaking his back. The worst part of all from the perspective of the Survivor producers is that they didn’t get any of it on camera! Pain equals ratings.

We’re mostly joking here, but the end of the episode was extremely confusing. Pat went from super annoying at camp and in the challenge to wholly incomprehensible after the immunity challenge. Apparently, in their infinite wisdom, Survivor’s managing team had the players travel by boat in the midst of cyclone weather. Believe it or not, the water was choppy. Pat somehow got thrown up in the air and came straight down, compressing his spine and causing excruciating back pain.

The medical staff took him out of the game, making him the first Survivor ever eliminated prior to a vote. Last week’s episode was deeply uncomfortable.

As for the overriding theme this year of David vs. Goliath, all we’ve seen so far is one shamelessly fixed competition. The actual immunity challenge was exactly the kind of blowout you’d expect. If Davids beat Goliaths all the time, the story wouldn’t be that interesting.

The conditions have not improved since the cyclones came and went. Contestants are shown with chattering teeth, uncontrollably quivering hands, and other miseries. For the people who aren’t going to win a million dollars, this is a pretty sucky gig.

Nick has deduced the Survivor version of the adage, “If you don’t see a sucker at the poker table, you’re the sucker.” He noticed that nobody came to him with discussions about how to vote, which means he was the person they were voting for. Desperate, he starts seeking a friend for the end of the world and latches onto Christian.

The two of them recognize that they have little in common and immediately compare themselves to Stephen Fishbach and JT. As a reminder, that’s one player who was propped up until the end and another player who made two of the greatest blunders in the history of the show. Generally speaking, JT is hard to evaluate in hindsight, because he won one year, but then failed mightily twice. Is it better to have a million dollars and two Bill Buckner-esque mistakes or to be Stephen Fishbach. We don’t know. Either way, we don’t see them as the greatest role models.

Post-note: They decide to call themselves the Mason-Dixon Line. We immediately hope that one of them gets voted out tonight so that we’ll never have to think about this again.

Jeremy efficiently sums up the situation at the Goliath camp. Dan has stars in his eyes over Kara. She’s not the star in this particular Hallmark movie, though. As Jeremy says it, Dan’s in a showmance and she’s in a strategy. We hate to break the news to poor Dan, but it is absolutely true.

Cut to Cara discussing her options with the other women. She isn’t relishing in young love, she’s freaked out about the fact that she spent too much time with one person and has missed out on some opportunities elsewhere. We’re pretty sure that if needed, she will happily sell out Dan in order to further her position in the game. J Geils had it right. Love Stinks.

The worst part for Dan is that his two female allies are planning how they’re going to use the Immunity Idol that he found. Hint: Not to help Dan. From a Harlequin Romance perspective, everything about this is depressing. From a game perspective, it seems apparent that a women’s alliance is blooming. Also, Dan shouldn’t delete his Tindr app.

The news gets even worse for Dan. After telling his female “allies” that the idol was safe in his jacket, he was proven wrong in pretty dramatic fashion. Jeremy goes through Dan’s pockets and immediately finds the idol. He relays this information to Mike. The best part to Mike isn’t the information. It’s the revelation that he has a friend in the game and isn’t totally screwed. Don’t they know that bromances are so 2009?

Also, Davie is eating stuff off the ground. This strategy pays unexpected dividends. No we’re not saying he avoided illness. It’s too soon to say. But he does scavenge an idol. FYI: It smells like an idol. It is “authentic idol leather.” We don’t even have a joke about this. It’s just weird.

For his part, Carl’s pretty annoyed that all of a sudden, Nick isn’t the people’s choice for elimination. However, he does think that they might benefit from keeping him since he’s at least “stronger” than some other folks. Carl tells some other tribe mates that perhaps Lyrsa would be the best option. Unfortunately, he says this right in front of Elizabeth, who happens to be best buddies with Lyrsa. So, she goes straight to her to inform her of the happenings.

Naturally, Lyrsa is pissed and wants to vote Carl out as a retaliatory measure.

Over at the Goliath camp, Jeremy is naked, people are examining each other’s nostrils and teeth, and Natalie is annoyed with all of them. She thinks they’re childish. She just continues not endearing herself to anyone, though she thinks she is laying low and thinking everyone loves her.

John Hennigan does like her, though, and sees her as someone he could work with far into the game. So, he tells her that her name is coming up. She immediately approaches the young bucks who want to vote her out, which is a pretty aggressive move. Yeesh.

Jeremy tries to tell her that she lacks awareness about her abrasiveness and the way people perceive her. She stops him. She’s not listening. He gives up, figuring she’s just got to go. Not only does she weaken the tribe, she just makes camp an unpleasant place.

PROBST! Actually, Probst annoys us. Maybe the whole Probst sighting thing should go.

He informs the Goliaths that the reason Pat is gone is that he was injured almost immediately after the last Immunity Challenge due to the cyclone. (This is the moment when everyone realizes they were officially involved in cyclonic weather.)

Immunity/Reward Challenge time! It starts with balancing/constructing a ladder that will take an individual member of each team to a key. Once they have the key, several team members will paddle a little boat out to a buoy where they’ll retrieve some puzzle pieces. Obviously, at that point, they have to solve said puzzle.

The Goliaths get out to a HUGE lead as Bi struggles with her ladder. The puzzle portion is awfully hard, though, because not only do you have to build the puzzle, you have to strategize about how to do so. SO… by the time the Davids get back, the Goliaths only have a couple of pieces in place. And the Davids have Christian.

In fact the first half of the puzzle means nothing, because it takes an HOUR to put the puzzle together. And THEN, they all have to get back to their last spot on the mat to complete it, without any pieces dropping.

It was a stupid challenge. Probst makes it seem like the Davids might catch up, but they don’t. They’re not even close. Goliaths win Immunity, along with a whole bunch of fishing supplies, including the first ever fishing pole.

So, now it’s off to the David tribe for them to whine about the invincibility of the Goliaths. Bi tells them that they’re wrong to be so despondent. With regards to voting, no one wants to talk. Theoretically, Lyrsa is the agreed upon choice.

For whatever reason, Gabby is freaking out about her own prospects in the game. We don’t know why. It doesn’t make sense. But it does make her a prime target to flip her vote from Lyrsa to Jessica. Lyrsa and Elizabeth have chosen the young woman as their target since she’s so close to Carl.

They also pull Christian into the Jessica scheme. He likes how fast things are moving, and feels like he is the perfect hyperkinetic person to control it all. Gabby begs him to “Play with her,” and she really means the game. Her lack of self-esteem won’t serve her in this game.

Meanwhile, Christian goes to Nick and the latter gentleman wants to stick with Lyrsa. Christian figures that he’s controlling the team vote and can choose the person he wants.

Everyone safely arrives at Tribal Council. After the general cyclone conversation is out of the way, Lyrsa notes that she knows her name has come up, because she studies sociology and knows what’s going on. Jeff tries to stir things up, but it’s dumb. It’s either Lyrsa or Jessica. Christian/Nick will be the deciding factor, since Gabby’s freakout seems to have placed her solidly in the Jessica camp.

And… it’s Jessica. Clearly, the nerds of the David tribe are going to aim to rule the world. Carl, Davie and Bi are pretty much on the outs. That’s okay, though. We’re sure they’ll do a tribal switch soon.