Survivor: Ghost Island Recap
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
April 17, 2018

Bye, Felicia.

Previously on Survivor, Bradley was mercifully eliminated, putting us out of our misery. Funny thing about Bradley: he thought he was going to win Survivor if not for that elimination. Also, the Cleveland Browns, who’ve won one game over the last two seasons, totally would have won the Super Bowl if they had qualified for the playoffs.

Note to the remaining Survivor players: If your name doesn’t rhyme with Jonathan, we hate you.

We start the episode with two tribes on separate boats. They’re headed to Naviti Island, where all contestants will join together for the merge. Dom is happy to see Wendell, but he’s also miserable to realize he has to coexist with Chris again.

Dom figures he has a good advantage at this point, because he has an alliance with Wendell, Laurel and Donathan. He also thinks he can bring in several members of the original Naviti tribe to work with them. His worry, of course, is Chris. If the Survivor Gods are kind, tonight will mean the end of either Dom or Chris, because this Alpha Male Penis Measuring Battle needs to come to a close.

While he’s laying down to sleep off his post-feast bloat, Chris discovers a note in his new bandana. It tells him to go to Tree Mail, which contains a clue for a hidden Immunity Idol. The catch? He has to sneak out of camp on a boat tonight to go to Ghost Island so he can look for it. He’s for sure going to do it, but knows he’s screwed if they find him out. We can only hope.

For his part, Wendell just wants the original Naviti tribe to get along. Most of them agree on Libby or Michael as a universal option. Wendell tries to be mediator between Chris and Dom, and brings them together for a talk. Dom tries to make amends, and they suggest some options to Chris, but he’s not buying. He has absolutely no intention of working with Dom.

“I’m too suave [pronounced ‘swa-vay,’ like Rico Suave] for that,” he says.

Dear lord.

By the way, the new tribe is called Lavita.

It’s midnight, and Chris is doing his best to be swa-vay and sneaky. “I like to say I’m pretty clutch, actually,” he says.

Upon arriving at Ghost Island, he is awarded J.T.’s hidden immunity idol. Oh, we hope Chris writes Dom a letter. Please please please. This particular idol is only good at the next Tribal Council.

But wait, there’s more! Survivor ups the ante. If Chris is willing to give up his vote, he can play a game of chance to extend the length of time the idol is in power. On his first try, he gets a win – good for two Tribal Councils. Second try, he loses his vote. So, he has an idol good for the next two Tribal Councils, but no vote. He’s SUPER SWA-VAY!

We can already tell you what happens next, can’t we?

“J.T. definitely got a little cocky. I don’t want to be that guy that gets sent home who has an idol and didn’t use it. So, I definitely plan on reversing the curse. I will have it in my pocket and ready to rock.”

This is also a euphemism for Chris’s sexual prowess. All talk.

Having spent the evening looking for idols, Chris is grumpy the next morning and ordering Dom to make coffee for him. Crankypants starts having a conversation with Desiree, Laurel and Angela about eliminating Dom. Dom is having a similar conversation with Libby and Jenna, who are thrilled they’re out of the target range.

Everyone on this tribe is as tired of these two as we are. We want them to have a duel and for their aim to be true.

After what feels like 17 hours, we finally arrive at the Immunity Challenge. Each contestant will stand on a narrow beam while holding a long pole on which they will balance a statue. They will not only have to balance the pole, but they will also have to move down the beam to a more narrow area. Once again, advantage to small-footed people, although holding up the pole is no easy task.

Jenna and Donathan are out almost immediately, followed by the acceleration of the wind. That wind gets Desiree and Angela. After five minutes, they move to the next section, and Sebastian suddenly loses his grip. Meanwhile, a wasp or bee is flying around Dom, and it’s a miracle he doesn’t fall himself.

We’re now to he point that the players must move to the narrowest portion of their beam, which knocks out Dom, who glares at Chris. Then, we lose Michael, Chris, Laurel and Wendell.

The only remaining Survivors are Libby, Chelsea and Kellyn. The wind stirs up again. Chelsea drops hers, so we’re down to Libby and Kellyn. Libby smirks. Still, the wind blows hard and Libby’s statue gets super wobbly. Even though Kellyn looks super uncomfortable, she wins Immunity.

Back at camp, it’s time to play “It’s Anyone but Dom or Chris.” Spoiler: It’s going to be Dom or Chris.

Actually, never mind that. It’s going to be Chris.

He gathers EVERYONE except Dom and Wendell to discuss the vote. Obviously, Dom is his target. He has absolutely no read on his fellow Survivors as he has this conversation.

The cast for this season is Epically Bad.

His plan is to split the vote between Dom and Wendell, since Chris thinks Dom has an idol. Of course, Dom DOES have an idol, but the one Chris saw is a fake idol. Chris also says that he’s willing to play his own idol if need be.

Dom and Wendell are done with Chris. Dom and Wendell both have Immunity Idols. They’re prepared to play them if need be.

When the rest of cast returns to camp, Donathan tells Dom that the plan is to split votes between Wendell and Dom. Dom wants to approach Libby and Jenna, but Donathan tells him not to trust them. Wendell meets with Libby, Jenna and Sebastian and suggests that Chris MUST go.

Kellyn, Desiree, Chelsea and Angela want to stick with voting an original Malolo, specifically Libby.

Dom says he is playing his idol.

Tribal Council. Dom is basically sitting there thinking, “Don’t call on me. Don’t call on me. Don’t call on me.”

Probst calls on him.

Dom takes this time to recount the history of the great Dom/Chris War. We won’t bore you, but Probst obviously thinks this is FANTASTIC television. Dom puts his fake idol around his neck and makes it very clear that he will play it.

During voting, we finally get to the bottom of Wendell’s beef with Chris. It’s a rap battle! Old fashioned East Coast versus West Coast, shoot each other’s posse rap beef!

Wendell claims that Chris has “no bars.” And that Chris is “trash… at rapping.” This may be a Survivor first for voting.

When Jeff asks if anyone wants to play an idol, Dom takes his Legacy Advantage to the podium. That advantage allows him to play the advantage at the 13 to save himself. He could have saved it for the six, but based on what he was seeing at camp, Dom really had to play it here.

Chris, on the other hand, doesn’t play his idol. So swa-vay.

No, seriously. This guy gave absolutely no thought to the possibility that he could be voted out until the fifth vote for him is read. It’s all Chris, with the exception of two throwaway votes for Libby.

Wendell chews on a toothpick or branch or something and grins. Dom might think he has some control, but Wendell is the guy manipulating the players. Solid.

And we bet he can rap, too.