The Amazing Race Season 28 Recap - Episode 5
We're Only Doing Freaky Stuff Today
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
March 14, 2016

We'll actually miss the Clevvr girls.

Previously on The Amazing Race, the Racers tried to make #blodie a thing. Not even Blair and Brodie are sure that #blodie should be a thing. Also, eight of them finished within a minute of each other, which will save us the inevitable bunching at the beginning of this leg. Unfortunately, there was one team that did not finish within that minute time frame, and that means Brittany and Jessica were eliminated from the Race. They never made a big impression, honestly. We’re sure they’re nice, but we didn’t see enough of them to miss them now that they’re gone.

It’s time for the episode to begin, and you know what that means! Clothes change! Yes, all the teams are in Chamonix, and they go to the lobby of their lodge to discover some Alps-appropriate gear to wear. If you didn’t know, the temperature is slightly lower here than in Columbia, by which we mean they’ve taken an entire digit off of the temperature. Oddly, everyone stands in the middle of the floor and changes into their apparel, which reminds us of those movie segments where girls try on different cute outfits.

Starting out the leg, teams must search a car with one of eight license plates. Once they find a designated car, they will proceed to Les Grands Montets Gondola Station. Neither of us has a fear of heights, yet we still have a bad feeling about this.

The Frisbee dudes make it clear that they view Tyler & Korey as the competition. This leads to a humorous exchange once they reach the Gondola station. The teams are given the opportunity to pick a mountain guide. Brodie & Kurt immediately lock in on the ones whose unmistakable athleticism will enhance their natural Frisbee skills. Meanwhile, Tyler & Korey’s primary thought about their guide is “Threesome!”

This seems like a good time to mention that everyone is responsible for a pair of baguettes. This leads to such strange statements as, “We picked our guide; we got our bread.” Sounds like someone’s using Tinder in the grocery store. We also view an odd comment from Burnie when he notes the flatness of his baguette. He claims this is unusual, but Ashley sells him out on national television.

On the gondola with Brodie & Kurt and Tyler & Korey, mountain madness has set in. Here is a sampling of their dialogue:

“What’s that snow movie where they eat each other?”
“We all agree to eat Tyler first, right?”
“Why would you eat me?”

At this point, we’re surprised that the other people on the gondola don’t jump off.

Now is the time when a father and daughter have an awkward conversation. Scott points out a beautiful church, and Blair happily states that she’d like to get married there someday. He says a couple of words that the audio conveniently drops out on before pointing out that she first has to straighten out her boyfriends… or friends. She sheepishly defends her comments as harmless, but his facial reactions tell us he doesn’t think Blair can handle a relationship for a weekend, much less a marriage. The editing crew does have some fun by cutting in with Frisbee dude, the other half of #blodie.

When they reach the top of the mountain, they realize that they have to rappel a short distance to a different mountain peak to retrieve their next clue. It’s probably only 20 feet, but since they’re a couple of miles in the air, the challenge delivers a fear factor level that is scarier than The Exorcist. Most people stop joking and start fearing, except for Dana, who thinks it’d be hilarious if she suddenly let Matt plummet to his jagged death.

The first three players are all great, and Ashley is equally impressive… until the wind picks up and blows her clue out of her pocket. It slides down the mountain to a place where it’ll probably still be 100 years for now.

As for the other players, they are now set for the Detour, where their options are to deliver dynamite and lunch to a team of avalanche management workers or to build a campsite using gear from a major retailer whose name you might recognize. We see four REI products within 10 feet of one another, a product placement that’s about to blow up on the company.

Brodie & Kurt, Tyler & Korey and Matt & Dana all choose the dynamite challenge, and it seems highly irresponsible to trust inexperienced people with that kind of powerful weapon. If you want to imagine what these teams have to go through to deliver their dynamite, imagine the Lost episode with Arzt and the dynamite, but up on the very tip-top of a mountain. There is a lot of panic in the voices of various Racers, as they tell each other to take it slow.

Burnie & Ashley made an interesting if potentially catastrophic call in going for the camping challenge. They choose it because they’re trying to gain an advantage and figure the only way to do so is by trying something different than the other lead teams, but it also is assuredly the safer decision. They talk about how they have lots of experience building these types of pup tents, but almost as the words come out of their mouths, a piece breaks. Probably not the glowing endorsement REI was hoping for.

Remember when Dana was laughing at Matt for his peril at having to rappel for the clue? Well, karma caught up with her quickly, because the path to deliver the dynamite is terrifying. She repeatedly tells him how scared she is, and that’s after she has a panic attack when they mistakenly climb a bunch of stairs looking for their dynamite in the wrong area. We’d feel sorry for her except for the fact that she’s been absolutely unbearable so far.

Back at the first area, Sheri is taking on the rappelling challenge for her team, and we go to commercial as she panics on the way over to the clue She’s basically frozen right in the middle of the line - and of course, she’s crying, but then again she has been from the moment they arrived at the mountain.

Fortunately, she suddenly finds inspiration and makes her way back. When she returns, she has a surge of adrenaline and wants to do the dynamite challenge. Cole is scared to death, particularly of heights, and does everything he can to manipulate his mother into doing the camping challenge instead. He promises to cry through the entire thing, which is really no different than every episode so far. Eventually, as they notice all the other teams (except for Burnie & Ashley) are doing dynamite because it seems shorter, he agrees to give it a shot.

As they choose their Detour task, Scott makes the stupid mistake of wondering where the “lunches” are that they are supposed to deliver along with the dynamite. To her credit, Blair immediately realizes that people in Switzerland just eat baguettes for lunch, so they’ve already got what they need. We think the crisis is averted and common sense has ruled the day. Then, the Clevver girls just walk into someone’s office and start going through a guy’s bags. You can see from the photo below the expression of horror on his face when these beautiful women start raiding his food containers. There’s a question we have to ask the Amazing Race producers at this point: Are these really women we should be trusting with live dynamite?

Let’s head back over to Brodie & Curt, who are picking up their next clue, which directs them to the Roadblock. Brodie is thrilled to discover that he’ll be paragliding over the mountains, and we have to admit it looks amazing. Part of the challenge is to look for a Yeti as they’re soaring (and they’ll then answer a question when they return). In fact, Brodie even reminds Korey before they get started not to forget the Yeti.

There is a catch to the Roadblock, though. In order to take off, you actually have to get some momentum and get yourself in the air. Rather than go airborne, Brodie faceplants, and gets a facefull of snow for his reward. This leaves an opening for Korey to get ahead, and having watched Brodie’s failure, he makes sure to lift his legs high as they go for takeoff, ensuring that they take to the sky. He notes that the Yeti is waving an American flag as he passes.

This entire sequence of events leads to an outstanding moment where Curt thinks he’s cheering for Brodie, but soon realizes that Korey has somehow jumped ahead. Needless to say, Tyler is thrilled and the two of them are off to the Pitstop at the Dr. Paccard Statue.

At this point, Burnie realizes that he and Ashley have made a huge error in judgment by choosing the campsite Detour. On their first pass, they are told that their snow isn’t piled high enough around the tent, so they have to give it another shot.

Up on the mountain with the dynamite challenge and the Clevver girls, Joslyn throws herself at one of the mountain guides. Nothing says “bad boy” more than handling dynamite all day. He quickly swipes left, telling her that he’s married. Meanwhile, Sheri & Cole are crying all over their baguettes. Some guy is going to think his bread is too salty, not realizing that it’s actually just covered in tears.

As the other teams struggle, Tyler & Korey are checked in as Team #1 - their second win so far. (If you’re wondering about the standings, they’re tied with Brodie & Kurt at two wins apiece, while Matt & Dana also have one.) For their victory, the guys are awarded a trip to Boracay Island in the Philippines, which looks so delightful that we look up the cost of a week’s stay. It gets some amazing reviews and isn’t so far out of line that we wouldn’t consider it. Nice job, Amazing Race.

Brodie eventually gets in the air, and he’s followed by Matt. Both guys thoroughly enjoy their experience, though you can tell that Brodie & Curt are just a little bit irked that Tyler & Korey pulled ahead today. We’re getting to a point in the Race where the Frisbee guys and Tyler & Korey are dominant and the other teams are along for the ride. Will one of them have a letdown?

Matt’s time in the air is peaceful, because Dana isn’t yelling at him - oops, nevermind. As he comes in to land, she screams to hurry up and stop enjoying himself so much.

On her first pass at the Soaring Over the Alps, Rachel falls down. This allows Blair to pass her, which is again amusing as Zach thinks his wife is coming in but it’s not her at all. When she starts yelling “Daddy!” everyone quickly realizes that Scott & Blair have pulled off a shockingly decent leg. Rachel gets it done on her second attempt.

Now we have three players side by side on the hill, ready to take off - Ashley, Erin and Sheri. They’re all waiting for the best possible wind. Eventually, Ashley’s guide tells her to go, but Sheri’s guy says that it’s a downwind. He’s right, too. Ashley will be gathering her parasail and giving it another shot. These three players know that they’re fighting to stay out of last place, and any mistake could be fatal, so the error from Ashley’s guide is a critical one.

The next to attempt it is Sheri, who gets in the air even though she is barely able to stay on her feet. We’ll credit it to her guide for choosing the right time to go and for taking control of the acceleration himself. Erin goes soon after, but only makes it a few steps before falling. Since she was running like the Penguin, this isn’t surprising. As she rolls on the ground, she watches Ashley give it another go. Erin is relieved when her opponent gets no momentum, putting them back on equal footing.

When Blair & Scott check in, Phil asks them if they have a favorite team. Blair initially tells him she does, but then backs up and asks him if he has a favorite team. “I love all of you,” he tells her, so she magnanimously agrees that she also adores all of the other competitors. We’re pretty sure this was Phil’s attempt to get her to say #blodie, and we’re thankful she didn’t take the bait. Zach & Rachel are fifth, and we continue to spend very little time with them.

Now, the only players left standing at the bottom of the hill as they wait for their teammate are Burnie, Cole and Joslyn. They debate amongst themselves when Sheri emerges and eventually figure out that the red jacket belongs to Cole’s mom. He does a little victory lap.

Suddenly, another parasail emerges in the sky, and even the audience has no idea who it might be. Eventually, we see that it’s Ashley, who runs to kiss Burnie. He reminds her that they’re racing, and off they go. They actually even hit the mat just ahead of Sheri & Cole, though we don’t really see why (and there’s not much reason for that footage to be included since we know who’s in danger of elimination).

Erin misses again at the top of the mountain. She knows she’s in last place, but she still takes time to appreciate the beauty of her surroundings. “I’m so blessed to be able to be here. I wish Joslyn could see this.”

At the Pitstop mat, Phil does check them in as the last team. Unfortunately, they have been eliminated from the Race. They’re a charming team, and Erin is pretty hilarious, actually. Their positive presence will certainly be missed…

...though all of our players will be missed for a while, because next weekend brings that perfect time of year known as March Madness. The Amazing Race will return on April 1st, so we’ll see you in a couple of weeks!