Top Chef California: Episode 4
By Jason Lee
January 12, 2016
BoxOfficeProphets.com
In a season marked by the promise of California road trips, up and down the coast, the cheftestants eschew travel for this Quickfire, sticking in Palm Springs to visit an awesome-looking date farm. Seriously, it looks so cool. Date trees apparently resemble stunted palm trees, with bundles of unripe dates that hang clustered like bananas - of the same greenish hue but the size of nectarines. After gathering up cartons of dates, and with some minimal bitching by Angelina who (you may remember) narrowly avoided elimination for the umpteenth time last episode about how she’s a Chihuahua who turns into a pit bull when cornered, the cheftestants head to the Culinary Arts Academy. There they find Padma standing next to model Chrissy Teigen.
Cue sophomoric gawking and ogling by Kwame. I’m surprised. He’s reverts to something very akin to a middle schooler who just saw his first female nipple since breast feeding. I almost expect to see cartoonish pools of drool on the floor of the kitchen.
Chrissy rambles on about how much she loves dates - those sweet, sticky, and succulent things - an opening that Padma can’t pass up, attributing those same characteristics to Chrissy. Padma and Chrissy giggle conspiratorially in heterosexual pornographic fashion and the producers (those smart people) cut instantly to Kwame.
But we’re here on business after all. The cheftestants are asked to cook a dish inspired by their best date that also highlights dates. “Take us back to that special night,” Padma entreats them. Thirty minutes later, the cheftestants offer up the dishes that they hope will take the judges to that special place. Most struggle, though, with incorporating enough date flavor into their dishes. “Where are the dates?” Padma asks over and over.
In the end, the three chefs that impress Chrissy the least are Carl (who did an unimpressive date milkshake, harkening back to when his now-wife brought milkshakes to a date after he got his tonsils removed), Chad (who did a dish inspired by his daddy-dates with his daughters, but incorporated too much bitter orange flavor into his fish dish), and Philip (whose tuna crudo with peach lacked date flavor).
On top are Isaac (who incredibly put together a chicken ballotine in 30 minutes), Jason (with a beautifully charred carrot and date dish), and Giselle (who did a take on a recent blind date by doing a light sweet and spicy date salad). Jason is deemed the winner and gets immunity. He’s thrilled, believing that this win will put him in a stronger light with the other cheftestants.
First comes love, then comes marriage, Padma intones ominously. Palm Springs, she notes, has a history of hosting big weddings and this week’s episode is no exception. Joined by Art Smith (Oprah’s big, gay personal chef), Padma informs the cheftestants that they’ll be catering a reception for a big, gay wedding. Or, weddings. Twenty-five couples, in fact, including Art, who’ll be renewing his vows with his husband.
Art comments that he was involved in a wedding challenge on Top Chef: Masters. Put in charge of the wedding cake, it was not (to put it lightly) a success. He promises not to let that happen to this season’s crop of chefs, and thus he’ll provide the cake. “We still expect a dessert, though,” Padma warns.
Tasked with this group challenge, the cheftestants begin to find ways to break up the meal, decide on courses, and assign roles. Kwame will provide sauces/toppings for two dishes - a take on steak and potatoes from Philip and a shrimp dish with Wes - Jason pairs with Angelina to do a take on a cabbage roll, Giselle and Karen will work together to make sure that the vegetarians at the reception have something to eat, Isaac will work alone on Cajun dirty rice, and Carl and Marjorie will provide dessert.
With that settled, the cheftestants head back to their lofts at La Quinta (different hotel, I promise you) and, in totally California fashion, a yoga instructor walks into the scene. Saying that Padma sent him to make sure they’re focused and relaxed for the next day, he offers to do a session with the chefs, an offer taken by many. When in Rome, I suppose.
The next day, cooking starts and drama ensues. Giselle, who seems to irritate every chef she works with, peppers Karen with questions as to what should be done, and how the ingredients should be prepped, and what seasoning should go where. Karen rightly notes that this is not how two individuals on Top Chef should collaborate.
Meanwhile, Angelina just doesn’t seem to have a good conception of A) how Jason’s dish should be prepared, and B) how to prioritize getting food right over getting food finished. She declines to take his advice and add more vinegar to the stewing chicken. Upon seeing this, Jason adds more vinegar himself. And in response to her attempts to hurry him into finishing various components, he responds exasperatedly, “we need to make sure this gets done correctly first.” Sigh.
On the other side of the kitchen, Philip has finished his first batch of “mashed potatoes,” which resembles both cream of potato soup and whipped cream slowly succumbing to heat. It’s a goopy, liquidy, white glop. Philip is thrilled upon tasting it and invites Kwame to do so as well. “It’s gummy,” Kwame says, definitely not thrilled. “It’s aerated,” Philip clarifies.
The big, gay wedding goes off without a hitch, officiated by Padma (who just got ordained the day before the Quickfire). Oblivious to the many potential culinary miscues percolating with the chefs, Padma cheers, “let’s go eat, celebrate, and party!” The diners head over. Jason and Kwame adopt steely gazes. Jason decides that he is NOT going to let Angelina mess up “his dish,” while Kwame knows that his sauce has to be good to compensate for Philip's icky potatoes.
Three appetizers are up first. Amar and Chad have a sherry-glazed pork belly with smoked orange marmalade.
Padma loves it, saying that it has tons of flavor. Tom finds the pork belly cooked very well, deeming it delicious.
Second, Wes and Kwame offer pickled shrimp with a cucumber onion salad and citrus vinaigrette. Padma and Tom adore Kwame’s sauce, while Gail praises the shrimp.
Finally, there’s citrus-roasted carrots with a harissa yogurt from Jeremy. Tom loves the idea and the execution, while Art comments on how well Jeremy elevated the humble carrot.
The first courses are up next, and Jason is busy making final adjustments to the dish. Left to plate and serve, Angelina tells one diner that it’s a dolma. “Don’t call it a dolma,” he chides her. “It’s not a dolma.”
The judges approach and Jason takes the reins, introducing the dish as a niño envuelto, with swiss chard stuffed with braised chicken. The judges absolutely love it. It appears that Angelina, by no act of her own, will live to cook another day. She should send Jason a fruit basket.
Next up, Isaac has his dirty rice with smoked chicken, which he apparently cooks at every Cajun wedding he attends and officiates. The judges find it a revelation. “You think about the dish, ‘eh,’” Tom notes, “but when [dirty rice] is done right, you think, ‘now I understand it.’” Padma loves the savory flavors in it, and Gail appreciates the distinct flavors of all the peppers coming through.
“I’m getting a little nervous,” Tom comments, taking in the dishes he’s eaten so far. “Everything is really, really good so far.”
Never fear, Tom, for next up, we have a couple of train wrecks. Giselle and Karen serve up the oft-feared, oft-screwed up vegetarian dish on Top Chef - charred eggplant with asparagus, farro, and mushrooms. Tom notes that the asparagus is undercooked, the farro is underseasoned, and the mushrooms are watery. Art criticizes the dish as not refined enough for a wedding.
Next, Philip has his “steak and potatoes” - a center cut New York steak with potato “cream,” with eggplant tomato relish courtesy of Kwame. By all accounts, the potato is a disaster. Art dislikes the raw taste of the potatoes, and Gail hates the gummy quality imparted onto the potatoes by virtue of having been overcooked. Padma speaks for everyone when noting that Kwame’s relish saves Philip’s dish.
Last but certainly not least, Carl and Marjorie serve up today’s dessert: grilled apricots with cherries, mascarpone cheese, and hazelnuts. It’s a smashing success. Padma takes one bite and declares that Carl and Marjorie have “hit it out of the park.” Art reflects on how much he loves cobblers and pies, and says that this dish gives him the same warm, homey feeling as cobblers and pies, but without feeling too heavy.
It’s time for Judge’s Table and Tom notes that today’s challenge involved a moment that was bigger than the show - the celebration of love between 25 same sex couples who could have never imagined decades ago that they’d be able to marry the person they loved. Thankfully, there were many, many delicious dishes to accompany that moment, singling out Kwame and Wesley’s shrimp dish, Isaac’s dirty rice, Jason and Angelina’s chard, the dessert... “I could go on and on,” he says.
The judges select as their winning dish the pickled shrimp and cucumber onion salad from Kwame and Wes. Tom says that everything about the dish was “just right,” and that every ingredient had a purpose. There can only be one winner, though, and given the flavors that he brought to the dish, it surprises no one to see Kwame declared tonight’s champion. It’s his second so far, and frankly, he’s the chef I could most easily imagine taking home the title.
On the bottom are the only two dishes that the judges disliked: Karen and Giselle’s asparagus dish, and Philip and Kwame’s steak and potatoes dish.
Kwame, whipsawed from elation to disappointment, comments to Philip, “just when I thought things were going good...”
“I think you’re safe,” Philip rightly notes.
Padma confirms his suspicions. “Kwame, we loved your tomato and eggplant relish and you won’t be going home,” she says, “but we want to find out exactly what happened.” Philip explains that no chef volunteered to do a main dish, so he decided to do a spin on steak and potatoes, with the potatoes done as a sauce and a veggie garnish provided by Kwame.
For the first time ever since Top Chef started allowing the other chefs to be present whilst the bottom dishes are debated, someone from the sidelines interrupts. “I don’t think that’s how the dish was described to the team,” Jason pipes up. “We all understand that the potatoes would eat like mashed potatoes. You didn’t mention a sauce.”
“The potatoes were exactly what I was looking for,” Philip protests.
“You said MASHED POTATOES,” Marjorie responds from the sidelines. “You described it as mashed potatoes.” This is incredible.
“What we didn’t care for,” Tom says on behalf of the judges, “were the potatoes. They were more cream than potato. Steak and cream.”
Meanwhile, Karen and Giselle explain that they wanted to cook asparagus and bring in black garlic. Tom has a number of specific questions for them. “Who cooked the asparagus?” Karen did. “Who finished the greens?” Karen did. “My problem was seasoning and cooking. The asparagus was undercooked, the farro bland, and the mushrooms soggy.”
Giselle says that the flavor profiles in the dish weren’t hers, and that she felt a little bit like a sous chef. Karen responds by saying that she found it hard to collaborate with Giselle, who kept saying “I don’t know, maybe, etc etc.”
Giselle mutters that she wasn’t going to step over Karen, but then starts a thought and can’t seem to muster the courage to finish it. “Speak your mind,” Padma encourages her.
“I think... I think it’s shocking that Phillip doesn’t recognize his flaws,” she finally says. “Karen and I understand that we could do much better, the things that could have made us stronger.”
Philip responds that even though Kwame had told him that his potatoes were gummy, “that’s what I was looking for, going for.”
“You were going for something we didn’t care for,” Tom summarizes.
Wow. This is the craziest episode since the drama-filled Season 2 of Top Chef. And back in the Stew Room, the drama continues. Philip declares that he’s made his peace if he’s sent home - at least he said all that he wanted to say.
“But don’t you think it should be accurate to what happened?” Jason asks. “If we hadn’t spoken up, the story you were painting was very different than what actually happened.”
“I don’t think so,” Philip responds, in his typically petulant little way.
Back at Judges Table, Gail notes that they all learned a lot not only about the bottom two dishes, but the dynamics with the cheftestants. Padma says that in spite of Philip’s excuses, she preferred his dish by virtue of the accoutrement provided by Kwame. Gail really had a problem with the potatoes, which simply didn’t make sense to her. Tom notes that they didn’t even have much potato flavor. Art comments that if Philip is allowed to continue, he’s just gonna get worse, making excuse after excuse.
As for veggie land, Tom faults Karen for underseasoning the farro, and underseasoning and undercooking that asparagus. “That’s a lot of strikes against her,” he says. Gail protests, though, that she has no idea what Giselle actually did and questions how the judges can allow her to skim by despite doing nothing meaningful on the dish. “It would just prove that you can skate through by blending in and not doing anything,” she says. Padma appreciates this point.
This is such a tough decision for the judges. I almost wish they would simply call the cheftestants out, tell them that Philip, Giselle, and Karen all made errors that could merit elimination, and subject them to an Elimination Quickfire to decide things.
Instead, though, the judges decide to send Giselle home. Giselle says that she had the opportunity on the show to demonstrate who she really is - a nice, honorable person who thrives from the love and support she receives from her friends and family. She didn’t, however, feel any of that from her fellow cheftestants. So while 25 same sex couples now get to go home with their new spouse, a lack of love and support for Giselle sends her home with naught but her packed-up knives.