This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for July 10-12, 2015
By Curt David
July 9, 2015
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Whatever you guys have planned, count us out.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of July 10th, the new movies in wide release are The Gallows, Minions, and Self/less.



The GallowsMinionsSelf/lessWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleAn ominous titleThe cute characters from Despicable Me!A compound word with a backslash in the middle of itMinions easily win this point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Horror Thriller
Rated R for some disturbing violent content and terror 		Animation/Comedy
Rated PG for action and rude humor		Sci-Fi/Thriller
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence, some sexuality, and language 		Different genres. 1/3 point for each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		High school boy was hanged
20 years later, he’s back
Wants to hang others		Minions backstory
Get a job with a bad guy
Comedy happens		Old man gonna die
Puts brain into young man’s head
Some complications		Self/less clearly has the most original plot. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: A scary found-footage film, seems unique and scary
CONS: It’s another scary found-footage film		PROS: An entire film about Minions!!!!
CONS: Doubt it.		PROS: A very, very interesting plot, good actors, I was engaged
CONS: No clear cons from the trailer		Minions and Self/less split the point for the best trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorCassidy Gifford from God’s Not Dead.The minions from Despicable Me.Ryan Reynolds from The Proposal.The Minions win this point.
Best CastI don’t recognize the other actors yetThe voices of Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Michael Keaton, Allison Janney, Steve Carell, and others!Ben Kingsley (Ghandi), Matthew Goode (The Imitation Game), and Victor Garber (Alias)Minions and Self/less split the point for Best Cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Co-writer and co-director Travis Cluff also wrote and directed Gold Fools.Co-director Pierre Coffin also directed Despicable Me 1 & 2. Director Tarsem Singh also directed The Cell, Immortals, and Mirror Mirror. Close race, but Mr. Singh will win this point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Minions and Self/less each scores 3 and 1/3 points and The Gallows scores 1/3 point and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a horror movie, feel free to watch The Gallows. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Minions and Self/less are both the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which serves as a tie-break for the column. The Gallows' “Every school has its spirit,” easily wins the best tagline over Self/less’s “God created man. Man created immortality,” and the Minions’ “Go back to where it all began.”
Conclusion 3: So in one of the few ties in this column’s history, Minions and Self/less continue to both be the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 4: I’m not quite sure the grammatically appropriate times to use “hung” or “hanged.”