Survivor: Worlds Apart - Power Rankings
Week 2
By Ben Willoughby
March 10, 2015

Tobias Funke would be horrified by this tribe.

POS, 18 castaways were split into three tribes: the bourgeoisie who will be the first ones up against the wall when the revolution comes, the proletariat saps who will be sold to the knackers’ yard when they are no longer useful and the free-thinkers with a bunch of narrow-minded ideas and no follow-through.

Here are the power rankings for this week:

Blue Collar

The problem with the Blue Collar tribe is that not one of them seems interested in talking through problems. Mike is telling everyone to do work. Rodney doesn’t want to listen. Dan is loud. Lindsey is mad. I assume Sierra and Kelly are sitting back to let the disaster unfold. So long as they keep not losing challenges that’s fine, but one day the blue collars are going to have to build alliances rather than shouting or stewing about the shouting.

1. Rodney

With Dan being a loudmouth and Mike being a slave-driver, Rodney is starting to look like the only guy with a chance of being in an alliance with anyone else on his tribe.

2. Kelly

Which one was Kelly? Oh right, she’s the undercover cop who could play Mark Wahlberg’s partner in The Departed.

3. Sierra

Which one was Sierra? I think she does something with rodeos.

4. Mike

Mike believes that no one else on his tribe is true blue collar because they are all having fun, rather than piling up a year’s worth of firewood. Perhaps we’ve uncovered the crazy survivalist on the Blue Collar tribe. I imagine Mike has a basement fully stocked with canned butter and dehydrated potato slices. Anyway, blue collars are good for more than just pointless labor, Mike. Don’t buy into the show’s label!

5. Lindsey

Apparently, Lindsey is both stupid and paranoid enough to believe Dan lost his underwear on purpose. That’s a dangerous combination.

6. Dan

The bad news for Dan is that he lost his underwear, and he’s going to have to walk around commando for the rest of the season. The worse news is that Dan is hated enough that his tribemates believe he deliberately lost his Speedos as part of his camp clown act. At least, Jim got his wish to never see Dan’s Speedo again, though the Devil’s gifts are always cursed.

White Collar

Could the white collar tribe go down as the first in Survivor history to split into pro-nudity and anti-nudity factions? It’s early days, but there’s certainly a chance. Pro tip to Joaquin and Tyler – if someone is pants-less in front of you and you don’t want to see anything, make eye contact with their face, not with your feet. Nothing else happened on the White Collar tribe this week, so this is less a set of power rankings and more a nudity recap.

1. Max

You have to admire Max’s ploy to get some alone-time to think and relax without seeming like an anti-social loner.

2. Tyler

Did you know that Tyler was in the NFL? As a kicker, so it’s not as though he actually had to play football. But it’s still the most interesting thing about Tyler this week.

3. Carolyn

We didn’t see Carolyn do anything this week, but she still has that idol.

4. Shirin

The reason for Shirin’s bottomlessness is that she wanted to keep her underpants dry to sleep in. Which makes sense in theory, but it seems to have creeped a bunch of people out.

5. Joaquin

Joaquin seems to be working his way back in with the group after So’s boot-out last week. But who knows if it is working?

No Collar

So the “do whatever we like” tribe has split between three people who like doing what they want, and two other people who like doing a different set of things that they like. At least Coconut Vendor Vince is gone. Vince, if you happen to read this, I need you to acknowledge that your corporate training/self-help speak (example: “steamrolling progress”) is not deep or meaningful, but weird and alienating. I need you to acknowledge that you are an intense sociopath who sucks the joy out of life. I need you to acknowledge how awful you are as a person. I need you to acknowledge these three very simple things before we can be good. Can you do that?

1. Joe

Joe remains the tribe’s golden boy after giving everyone crabs. (Har har! I sicken myself.) But even though he’s now the tribe alpha, he was still dumb enough to suggest that your solid alliance of three, plus that one other guy you don’t really know or trust, split the vote.

2. Jenn

I’ve put Joe at #1 because of the golden boy factor and because the others are doing what he says, but I wonder if Jenn will end up being in charge of her alliance.

3. Hali

Hali is playing a following game. It is not going to work out for her.

4. Will

Will flopped the challenge so badly that Probst shouted himself hoarse. Will also proved himself equally bad at Survivor strategy – passing up his opportunity to turn the tables on the three younger people who will otherwise dominate the tribe, in favor of voting out Vince because... Nina said something about Vince saying something about Will’s health? While I think Vince is obviously untrustworthy, if I were Will I’d take my chances in an alliance with him and Nina over trying to force my way in with the three young people who are really tight and who don’t trust me because I didn’t vote the way I said I would. But because it succeeded in eliminating Vince, I forgive you Will.

5. Nina

Nina’s Day 4 freak-out came across as overly-dramatic and passive-aggressive. Does she need to be explicitly invited to everything? Of course, her tribemates are equally passive aggressive, suggesting that it’s her fault for not jumping in on conversations she didn’t hear in the first place. But being old and deaf keeps her on the bottom of her tribe. Too bad she put herself there by blabbing to Will! On the plus side for Nina, she looks great for 54! Oh wait, you wanted plus sides related to her game? [awkward silence] She needs to go idol-hunting.

Those are the Power Rankings for this week. On the next episode, Joe provides food for No Collar by hunting lizard, on White Collar Shirin imitates monkeys and on Blue Collar, the shouting about firewood continues unabated. Be sure to catch all that excitement by reading Jim’s recap on Thursday, because the preview does not give a compelling reason to watch the episode.