This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for February 13-15, 2015
By Curt David
February 13, 2015
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I think Colin believes they're doing that handshake wrong.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of February 13th, the new movies in wide release are Fifty Shades of Grey and Kingsman: The Secret Service.


Fifty Shades of GreyKingsman: The Secret ServiceWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleBased on the smut novelsSounds like a spy movie50 Shades of Grey is a more popular
Best Genre
and Rating		Sex
Rated R for strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity, and for language 		Action
Rated R for sequences of strong violence, language and some sexual content		Definitely two different genres. 1/2 point each.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		Guy and girl have sex
There’s no true love in movie
Just sex. Don’t watch it. 		Young white guy from hood
Recruited by Bond-esque spies
Humor. Gadgets. Guns. 		Kingsman easily wins the best plot point.
Best Part of TrailerPROS: None
CONS: Borderline domestic abuse scenes (or so the news says)		PROS: Clever plot about teenager becoming elite spy
CONS: Maybe too much of a mix of real action, and parody, and why is it rated R?		Neither trailer was super good, but Kingsman was better. Point.
Coolest Lead ActorJamie Dornan from Once Upon a Time.Colin Firth from The King’s Speech and Pride and Prejudice.Colin Firth. Point.
Best CastMarcia Gay Harden (Mystic River)Mark Hamill (Star Wars), Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction), and Michael Caine (The Dark Knight)Kingsman. Point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Sam Taylor-Johnson also directed Nowhere Boy.Writer and Director Matthew Vaughn also wrote and directed X-men: First Class and Kick-Ass. Matthew Vaughn also has more street cred. Point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Kingsman: The Secret Service scores 5 and 1/2 points and 50 Shades of Grey scores 1 and 1/2 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a kid, feel free to watch SpongeBob, which came out last weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Kingsman: The Secret Service is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Since I couldn’t find a tagline from Kingsman, I guess Fifty Shades of Grey will win with “Mr. Grey will see you now.”
Conclusion 3: Dear Mr. Serkis, I tried my best to get you nominated for the Best Actor Calvins Award (your exclusion was the singular mistake from those awards this year). Please don’t take offense, you deserved to win. If you read my column, email BOP, and let’s do lunch. Sincerely, Curt David.