This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for February 6-8, 2015
By Curt David
February 6, 2015
BoxOfficeProphets.com
For the weekend of February 6th, the new movies in wide release are Jupiter Ascending, Seventh Son, and The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water.
| Jupiter Ascending | Seventh Son | The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | Sounds like a sci-fi movie? | Sounds like a martial arts movie? | Sounds like a SpongeBob SquarePants movie. | SpongeBob wins this point for the most recognizable title. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Sci-fi Action
Rated PG-13 for some violence, sequences of sci-fi action, some suggestive content and partial nudity | Fantasy Action
Rated PG-13 for intense fantasy violence and action throughout, frightening images and brief strong language | Animation
Rated PG for mild action and rude humor. | SpongeBob wins this point for not being a PG-13 action fantasy/sci-fi movie. |
| Best Plot (in haiku form) | Earth girl is space queen Just finds out. They want her dead Galactic space fights | Guy finds out, he’s heir Medieval witch wants him dead Dragons, swords, and fights. | SpongeBob and his friends Interact with human world Humor, laughs ensue | SpongeBob wins this point for having a different plot than the first two movies. |
| Best Trailer | PROS: An amazing trailer, and a fun plot by the Matrix creators
CONS: Judging by the trailer, there won’t be any cons. | PROS: An all right trailer with fun visuals
CONS: The trailer didn’t make me care about the characters, plot, or much of anything else. | PROS: SpongeBob humor throughout! (and CGI SpongeBob throughout)
CONS: None, if you like SpongeBob humor throughout! | Jupiter Ascending and SpongeBob Squarepants split the point for best trailer. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Channing Tatum from 21 Jump Street and Step Up. | Ben Barnes from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. | SpongeBob SquarePants from his TV show. | All three men will split the point for coolest actor. |
| Best Cast | Mila Kunis (That 70’s Show), Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything), and Sean Bean (Lord of the Rings) | Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski), Kit Harington (Game of Thrones), and Djimon Hounsou (Gladiator) | Antonio Banderas (Desperado), Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the Middle), and Slash (Guns N’ Roses). | And all three movies will split the point for best cast. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writers and Directors Andy and Lana Wachowski also wrote and directed The Matrix. | Director Sergey Bodrov also directed Mongol. | Director Paul Tibbitt also directed some SpongeBob SquarePants TV episodes. | The Wachowski siblings will win the point for best street cred. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, SpongeBob SquarePants: Sponge Out of Water scores 4 and 1/6 points, Jupiter Ascending scores 2 and 1/6 points, and Seventh Son scores 2/3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a Channing Tatum or Mila Kunis fan, feel free to watch Jupiter Ascending. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, SpongeBob SquarePants: Sponge Out of Water is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Except this weekend, when none of the taglines really did it for me. They were Jupiter Ascending’s “Expand your universe,” Seventh Son’s “When darkness falls, the son will rise,” and SpongeBob’s “Making waves in our world.”
Conclusion 3: Keep checking out the Box Office Prophets website this month...the Calvin Awards are coming!