This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for December 25-28, 2014
By Curt David
December 26, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Also, for the next month I’ll tell you why Andy Serkis should be nominated for Box Office Prophet’s Calvin Awards (click here for more info) as Best Actor. 1. He was the lead actor in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. 2. His stop-motion acting for Gollum and Caesar is as impressive as any other actor’s acting these days. 3. And any award show that doesn’t nominate him is just plain mistaken*.
For Christmas weekend, the three new movies in wide release are Into the Woods, Unbroken, and The Gambler.
| Into the Woods | Unbroken | The Gambler | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | Looks like a movie version of the musical. | Perseverance will probably be in this movie | A gambler will probably be in this movie | Into the Woods gets the point of the most recognizable title |
| Best Genre and Rating | Fantasy Musical
Rated PG for thematic elements, fantasy action and peril, and some suggestive material. | War Biography
Rated PG-13 for war violence including intense sequences of brutality, and for brief language | Crime Drama
Rated R for language throughout, and for some sexuality/nudity | Three different genres and ratings. Merry Christmas! 1/3 point each. |
| Best Plot (in haiku form) | Fairy tale people Bad witch interacts with them In woods with singing | Guy is P.O.W. Gets bad treatment. A true tale. Rescued and forgives | Guy’s gambling problem Gets him caught up in bad stuff Has to gamble more | Unbroken scores the point for best plot |
| Best Trailer | PROS: Super famous people in a super epic fantasy musical
CONS: Possibly none | PROS: One of the most amazing true life stories of all-time, great for Christmas or any day of the year
CONS: Perhaps none | PROS: Looks like a good suspenseful drama with oscar-caliber-ish acting
CONS: The entire plot might hinge on putting money on a roulette wheel, which would be dumb | And Into the Woods and Unbroken will split the point for best trailer |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Meryl Streep from 18 Oscar-nominated roles | Jack O’Connell from the 300 sequel. | Mark Wahlberg from Boogie Nights and Lone Survivor. | Meryl Streep easily wins this point. |
| Best Cast | Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick, Chris Pine, Johnny Depp, and others! | No one I recognize yet. | Jessica Lange and John Goodman | Into the Woods wins this point. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Director Rob Marshall also directed Chicago and Pirates of the Caribbean 4. | Director Angelina Jolie also directed In the Land of Blood and Honey. | Director Rupert Wyatt also directed Rise of the Planet of the Apes. | Rob and Angie will split the point for best street cred. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Into the Woods scores 3 and 5/6 points (and a gold star), Unbroken scores 2 and 5/6 points, and The Gambler scores 1/3 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you think the true story of Louis Zamperini is remarkable (as I do), feel free to watch Unbroken. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Into the Woods is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. This week had some good choices as Into the Woods’ “Be careful what you wish for,” beats out Unbroken’s “Survival. Resilience. Redemption,” and The Gambler’s “The Only way out is All in.”
Conclusion 3: Even though Jack O’Connell should give Best Actor a run for its money, I’m still campaigning for Andy Serkis to get a Best Actor Calvin Awards’ nomination.
*The words “is just plain mistaken” were added to that sentence. The editors of this column would not allow the original wording of that sentence to be published due to its vulgarity.