Untitled

This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for September 25-27, 2014
By Curt David
September 25, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I'm coming for you, Neeson.

New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Dungeons and Dragons), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Salma Hayek in Grown Ups), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 46%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of September 26th, the new movies in wide release are The Boxtrolls and The Equalizer.

	The Boxtrolls	The Equalizer	WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest Title	This movie might be about trolls?	This movie might be about math?	Each unclear title will score 1/2 point each.
Best Genre and Rating	Animation Rated PG for action, some peril and mild rude humor	Thriller Rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout, including some sexual references	Nice- two distinct genres and ratings- 1/2 point each.
Best Plot (in haiku form)	Boy raised by box trolls People want to kill box trolls They’ll have to stop that	Guy lives normal life Until he needs to help folks Then he’ll kill bad guys	The Boxtrolls definitely has a more unique plot. Point.
Best Trailer	PROS: Looks stop-motion-esque, seems like a fun plot with excitement for kids CONS: It didn’t seem extraordinarily awesome, but looks fine	PROS: Looks like a real good Denzel Washington action movie CONS: Not the most original plot, but looks fine	Both trailers were good, 1/2 point each.
Coolest Lead Actor	The voice of Ben Kingsley from Ghandi and Hugo.	Denzel Washington from Training Day and American Gangster.	Denzel Washington scores this point.
Best Cast	The voices of Elle Fanning, Tracy Morgan, and Simon Pegg	Chloe Grace Moretz, Bill Pullman, and Melissa Leo.	Chloe will score this point.
Best Street Cred For the Production	Co-director Anthony Stacchi also directed Open Season	Director Antoine Fuqua also directed Training Day, King Arthur, and Shooter.	And Antoine will score this one.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Equalizer scores 4 and 1/2 points and The Boxtrolls scores 2 and 1/2 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch an animated film, feel free to watch The Boxtrolls. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Equalizer is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. The Boxtroll’s “Heroes come in all shapes and sizes...even rectangles” beats out The Equalizer’s “What do you see when you look at me?”
Conclusion 3: Eight weeks until the next Hunger Games movie!

*Statistic is completely made up.