This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for September 19-21, 2014
By Curt David
September 19, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

They should really lighten up.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Helen Mirren in Raising Helen), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 80%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of September 19th, the new movies in wide release are The Maze Runner, This Is Where I Leave You, Tusk, and A Walk Among The Tombstones.



The Maze Runner This Is Where I Leave YouTuskA Walk Among The TombstonesWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleBased on a book seriesIt’s a titleIt’s a wordAlso based on a popular book seriesThe books will split this point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for thematic elements and intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, including some disturbing images		Comedy
Rated R for language, sexual content and some drug use		Horror
Rated R for some disturbing violence/gore, language and sexual content		Crime Thriller
Rated R for strong violence, disturbing images, language and brief nudity		The only PG-13 movie will win this point.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Guy wakes in strange place
No memory. One way out.
Through a giant maze 		Guy’s life falls apart
Spends week with his family
Funny and touching 		Guy visits old man
Who drugs him and captures him
Makes him a walrus 		Ex-cop helps people
Takes gruesome case. Tries to solve
In over his head 		Makes him a walrus? Gross. And wins the point.
Best TrailerPROS: “Lost” like, based on popular book, looks engaging
CONS: I didn’t really get the plot		PROS: One of those more serious comedies, with an excellent cast
CONS: Not necessarily con, but it could be quirky		PROS: A little funny, except for the horror walrus parts, that’s right, wants to turn him into a walrus
CONS: I don’t even know		PROS: Super spooky, almost horror type of trailer, with Liam Neeson
CONS: Super spooky, almost horror type of trailer		All four trailers were decent. 1/4 point each.
Coolest Lead ActorDylan O’Brien from Teen WolfJason Bateman from Arrested Development and Horrible Bosses. Justin Long from Live Free and Die Hard. Liam Neeson from Schindler’s List and Taken. Liam Neeson and Jason Bateman split this point.
Best CastPatricia Clarkson (Easy A)Tina Fey, Jane Fonda, Rose Byrne, Connie Britton, Timothy Olyphant, and Dax Shephard. Haley Joel Osment and possibly Johnny Depp.I don’t recognize the rest of the cast yet. This Is Where I Leave You wins this point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Wes Ball is directing his first feature film. Director Shawn Levy also directed Big Fat Liar, Night at the Museum, and Date Night. Writer and Director Kevin Smith also wrote and directed Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks. Writer and Director Scott Frank also wrote Minority Report, Marley & Me, and The Wolverine. While I should just award the last three guys, to make the math easier, I’ll give each guy 1/4 street cred point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Maze Runner and This is Where I Leave You score 2 points each, and Tusk and A Walk Among the Tombstones scores 1 and 1/2 points each.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are 17-years-old, feel free to watch Maze Runner. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Maze Runner and This Is Where I Leave You are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which is used as a tiebreaker for the column. But the gold star goes to Tusk’s “A Truly Transformative Tale.” Between the two winners of the column, This Is Where I Leave You would have the better tagline with “Welcome Home. Get Comfortable.” Does that mean that should be the winner for this week’s column? People will be debating this answer for years to come.
Conclusion 3: Nine weeks until the next Hunger Games movie!

*Statistic is completely made up.