This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for September 4-6, 2014
By Curt David
September 5, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Golly! I hope that people will come see our awesome movie!
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Red Planet), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Rosario Dawson in Zookeeper), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 91%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of September 5th, the only new movie in wide release is The Identical. Since it automatically wins each point in this column, I’ll also write about seven movies I’m looking forward to in the rest of 2014.


The Identical Seven movies I’m looking forward to this year
Clearest TitleSounds like a sci-fi movie, but actually an inspirational film. Point. #7: Three movies tie for seventh place: The Interview (Seth Rogen and James Franco try to assassinate North Korean dictator), Left Behind (can the story be done right? with Nic Cage??), and Dumb and Dumber To (amazing first movie, will the sequel also be?). These movies could go either way, and far far either way.
Best Genre
and Rating		Drama
Rated PG for thematic material and smoking (Point)		#6: Into the Woods: A musical starring everyone from Meryl Streep to Johnny Depp.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		Twins split up at birth
One’s a preacher. One rockstar
They learn life lessons (Point) 		#5: St. Vincent, a sort of comedy starring Melissa McCartney and Bill Murray. Has potential.
Best Part of TrailerPROS: By the end of the trailer, it seemed interesting, and although an inspirational movie, I can’t predict the ending. Point.
CONS: During the first 30 seconds of the trailer, I thought it was going to be the worst movie ever		#4: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. They are good stories to watch.
Coolest Lead ActorAshley Judd from Double Jeopardy and Divergent. Point.#3: Exodus: Gods and Kings: A Ridley Scott movie, starring Christian Bale as Moses, and all the special effects of the 21st century.
Best CastSeth Green (The Italian Job) and Ray Liotta (Goodfellas) Point.#2: Angelina Jolie’s directing Unbroken, a true story about an Olympian and prisoner of war survivor.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer Howard Klausner also wrote Space Cowboys. Point. #1: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1. Not only were the books awesome, but the first two movies were incredible (critics and audiences agree!). J.Law. OMG. I can’t wait.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Identical clearly scores all seven points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you don’t like inspirational faith movies, feel free to watch Guardians of the Galaxy again. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Identical is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which goes to The Identical’s “If He is in your dreams, nothing can stand against them.”
Conclusion 3: The word “point” next to my haiku was not part of the haiku, but was just there to inform that the movie won the plot point this week.

*Statistic is completely made up.