This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for August 29-31, 2014
By Curt David
August 29, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

He has a certain set of skills. Explode-y ones.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Thomas and the Magic Railroad), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Catherine Zeta-Jones in America’s Sweethearts), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 45%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 29th, new movies in wide release are November Man and As Above, So Below (and Ghostbusters gets a 30th anniversary re-release).


November Man As Above, So BelowWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleIf this does well, it could have 11 easy sequels. I never heard of this phrase before.Both movies lose this round, and score 1/2 point each.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action
Rated R for strong violence including a sexual assault, language, sexuality/nudity and brief drug use		Horror
Rated R for bloody violence/terror, and language throughout 		Both movies win this round, and score 1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		One retired spy
Gets back in game to save girl
People want him dead 		Paris catacombs
Group goes in and they get trapped
And their pasts haunt them		As Above, So Below has a more original plot. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: Looks like there are some good fight scenes
CONS: Same plot as you’ll see in 100 other movies		PROS: Kind of neat, home footage, spooky location, supernatural element
CONS: Might be ridiculous? 		Neither had superb trailers, but As Above will win this point too.
Coolest Lead ActorPierce Brosnan from GoldenEye. I didn’t recognize any of the actors yetNovember Man wins this point by default.
Best CastWill Patton (Remember the Titans)I didn’t recognize any of the actors yetNovember Man wins this point by default.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Roger Donaldson also directed Dante’s Peak and Species.Writer and director John Erick Dowdle also wrote and directed Quarantine. Both directors will split the street cred point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, As Above/So Below scores 3 and 1/2 points (and a gold star) and November Man scores 3 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you think Pierce Brosnan was the best Bond, feel free to watch November Man. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, November Man and As Above, So Below are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline, which serves as this column’s tie breaker. November Man’s “A Spy is Never Out of the Game” does not win. The gold star will go to As Above, So Below’s “The only way out is down,” which makes it the winning movie this weekend.
Conclusion 3: Twelve weeks until I can watch the next Hunger Games movie!

*Statistic is completely made up.