This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for August 15-17, 2014
By Curt David
August 16, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Did you really just make an apples and oranges joke?
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Atlantis: The Lost Empire), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Isla Fisher in Confessions of a Shopaholic), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 8%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 15th, new movies in wide release are Let’s Be Cops, The Expendables 3, and The Giver.


Let’s Be Cops The Expendables 3The GiverWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleIt’s a title.It’s a title of the third film in a trilogy.It’s a title of a very famous book!The Expendables and The Giver split the point for recognizability.
Best Genre
and Rating		Comedy
Rated R for language including sexual references, some graphic nudity, violence and drug use		Action
Rated PG-13 for violence including intense sustained gun battles and fight scenes, and for language		Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for a mature thematic image and some sci-fi action/violence		Three different genres, three similar 1/3 points each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Two guys dress as cops
Everyone thinks they are cops
Funny things happen 		Famous Action Stars
All sign up to do third film
Not sure what plot is		“Utopian” world
All suppress their emotions
One kid will learn truth		The Giver has the best plot. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: Comedic concept
CONS: I didn’t laugh a ton in the trailer		PROS: More than ten of the most famous action stars of all-time in this movie!
CONS: I don’t know what the plot is (Or why Kelsey Grammer is in the movie)		PROS: Very suspenseful, well-edited, based on great book
CONS: Not sure how liberal the movie was with the book’s plot		The Giver has the best trailer. Point.
Coolest Lead ActorJake Johnson from New Girl.Sylvester Stallone from Rocky and Rambo. Brenton Thwaites from Maleficent. The Expendables III has the coolest actor.
Best CastDamon Wayans Jr. Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.Jeff Bridges, Meryl Streep, Alexander Skarsgard, Katie Holmes, and Taylor Swift. The Expendables III also has the best cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer and Director Luke Greenfield also directed Something Borrowed. Director Patrick Hughes also directed Red Hill. Director Phillip Noyce also directed Clear & Present Danger and Salt. The Giver has the most street cred.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Giver scores 3 and 5/6 points (and a gold star), The Expendables III scores 2 and 5/6 points, and Let’s Be Cops scores 1/3 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked the first two Expendables, feel free to watch the third one. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Giver is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. The Giver wins with “Search for Truth. Find Freedom,” which was slightly better than Let’s Be Cops’ “Fake Cops, Real Trouble,” or The Expendables III’s “Get Fired Up.
Conclusion 3: T-Swift is in a movie. More power to her.

*Statistic is completely made up.