This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for May 14-16, 2014
By Curt David
May 16, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Those aren't fans, Hamm. They are your fellow co-stars.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Balls of Fury), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Jennifer Garner in Elektra), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 76%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of May 16th, the new movies in wide release are Godzilla and Million Dollar Arm.



Godzilla Million Dollar ArmWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA new Godzilla movie? That could be good. That’s an expensive arm. Godzilla easily wins this point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Sci-Fi Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of destruction, mayhem and creature violence		Sport Inspirational
Rated PG for mild language and some suggestive content		Good variety. 1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Nuclear Mistake
Makes monster of Destruction
Name is Godzilla 		To find new talent
Find Indian Cricketers
For your baseball team		The first plot has been done 32 times, so the second plot will win for originality.
Best TrailerPROS: Very suspenseful trailer, made Godzilla seem scary and real
CONS: Don’t know if there’s a deeper plot than shoot the monster, but that’s not bad		PROS: Seemed a little funny, and a little inspirational, and based on a true story
CONS: Might not be Blind Side level good, but still looks good		While I do like my inspirational trailers, Godzilla had a very enthralling trailer. Point for him.
Coolest Lead ActorBryan Cranston from Breaking Bad and Malcolm in the Middle. Jon Hamm from Mad Men and Bridesmaids.Both actors will split the point for coolness.
Best CastElizabeth Olsen (Silent House), Ken Watanabe (Inception), Sally Hawkins (Blue Jasmine), and Juliette Binoche (The English Patient)Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine) and Bill Paxton (Titanic)Both casts will also split the point for coolness.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Gareth Edwards also directed Monsters. Director Craig Gillespie also directed Fright Night. And both new directors will split the last point as well.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Godzilla scores 4 points and Million Dollar Arm scores 3 points (and a gold star).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a movie with the family, feel free to watch Million Dollar Arm. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Godzilla is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Godzilla didn’t have one (in its defense, it didn’t need one), so Million Dollar Arm’s “Sometimes to win, you have to change the game” wins.
Conclusion 3: Oh my stars and garters, next week is the new X-Men movie!

*Statistic is completely made up.