The Amazing Race 24: All-Stars - Episode 9
By Daron Aldridge
April 28, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Before we presumably leave Italy, let's take a gander at my rankings for the teams still actually trotting the globe:
Jet & Cord, cowboys/brothers
Brendon & Rachel, Team Fetch/Big Brother vets
Leo & Jamal, cousins/Afghanimals
David & Connor, Team Murphy's Law/father-son
Jennifer & Caroline, singers
Where we left off, Brendon & Rachel leave the mat in first and actually admit to the cameras what I suspected: They only U-Turned David & Connor because they wanted to win first on the last leg. Some may have tried to argue that it was a bigger game move with them not wasting it on Jet & Cord, who would have used their Express Pass. Or that they were afraid of David & Connor making it to the end. While these are both valid points, the newlyweds were just getting greedy and wanted a prize.
Strategic aside: If you in the lead and don’t NEED to U-Turn a team, then why would you knowing that if there was another U-Turn this season, you would be unable to use it? In one fell swoop, they made themselves targets of a bitter team (bitterness that is silly in and of itself for U-Turns), rallied others to target them and exposed themselves to possible future U-Turn retaliation. Hope that cash prize was worth it, because it may have cost them the Race. End speculation and strategic aside.
The clue points the teams to the train station, where they will be traveling to Chiasso, Switzerland. After arriving in the land of cheese and chocolate, they will drive themselves to a place to meet “William Tell.” Team Fetch heads out and a makes it to the train station without incident but have to wait a bit for departure. “Anxiously wait” might be a better descriptor because they really don’t want the angry mob teams to be on the train with them.
About an hour after Brendon & Rachel leave the mat, Jet & Cord are next, with the other three shortly behind them. As they are all driving to the station, it looks like we will have a clumping of all the teams on our hands. Oopsie…one team is twisted around and lost. Which one?
Well, we know that it’s not Jennifer & Caroline because they are attached at the hip with David & Connor. So it they were lost, then we would have two teams lost. These inseparable teams are following Leo & Jamal, so that means Jet & Cord are the meandering cowboys. No bueno for the team I am favoring to win it all.
The supergroup of Amazing Race teams (granted they are more like Mr. Big or Chickenfoot than the Traveling Wilburys) arrives and boards the train, much to the dismay of Team Fetch. Up until this last week and the start of this one, I have been enjoying the Afghanimals (which is saying something because I despised them last time), rooting for the congenial David & Connor, and dismissive of Jennifer & Caroline because in two seasons they have yet to prove they are worthwhile racers. Well, in short order, this alliance, which they dub The Accidental Alliance, has brought down the first two more in line with the singers.
As they ride the train, all three teams openly mock and make fun of Brendon & Rachel but mainly Rachel. Pathetically, they are doing so based upon her meltdowns from the previous season and it is truly sad to see that “60-year-old man” relishing in the moment. It’s just sad and shameful considering that the root of their scorn is the fact that Team Fetch would actually use a U-Turn on them and that twice in a row, the father/son team arrived at a Roadblock and Rachel wouldn’t tell them where to find the clue box. These guys were strong competitors but they must be hanging around Jennifer & Caroline too much because they think that the other teams should help them without question.
What else is sad and shameful is that I am NOW feeling sorry for a team that almost prevented me from wanting to watch this season at all. I haven’t come full circle on liking Brendon & Rachel but they are much more palatable this time and I give them props for being better Racers (save for last week’s U-Turn).
Moving on from sad to just mean, we have Jennifer & Caroline. Up to now, they have just been milquetoast Race-wise and co-dependent. With a new enemy in Rachel, their mean girl side rears its head and it is ugly. First, Caroline refers to them as “NLUs” which according to her stands for “Not Like Us.” Wow…she really just said that. And then they continue down the superficial slope of how they can’t believe that a team with such great hair would be U-Turned. I have no idea what relevance any of this has on the Race or strategy but apparently, they do. Look, kiddos, pretty people sure can be ugly.
Finally, the ones that are coming out looking the best in all this exchange and alliance are the Afghanimals. They admit to the camera that they will absolutely want to do what they can to make it to the final three against David & Connor and Jennifer & Caroline. Why? Because they are one big happy Race family? Nope... because Leo & Jamal know they can beat them in a footrace and this season just may come down to a sprint. I respect they are playing the game and their “looking at the bigger picture” is why they just may do it.
Admittedly, I might be just cranky and maybe it didn’t come across as that unsavory to the rest of you fine folks.
Moving on to - or rather catching up with - the wayward cowboys, they have hit the train station and are ticketed for departure about 30 minutes (I believe) after the others. Jet & Cord are content with their solo status and that’s how they prefer to race.
The scramble from the train station to their marked cars is pretty typical fare for the Race and the four teams speed off to the location of a William Tell statue. Just when you thought the train would be the primary playing field leveling device, the teams are faced with the dreaded "you get your clue at sunrise" situation. This news just means that Jet & Cord will no longer be bringing up the rear once their train arrives.
With the breaking of the dawn, Mr. Tell and his son stroll up the street with a bow and arrow in one hand and the clue in the other. The teams snatch the clues and spread out. The poor actor playing old Willie here probably doesn’t get the about of screen time he was expecting because they don’t revisit him. The teams are now off to the Chapel Bridge in nearby Lucerne.
With Brendon & Rachel in the lead car, the caravan of Racers is heading to Lucerne but the Afghanimals are questioning whether Big Brother knows the right way. In a backfiring attempt to throw the other teams off, Team Fetch pulls off the road to pretend to ask for directions. Well, they probably should’ve actually asked for directions because they were heading to the wrong bridge.
The others have all arrived and began searching the bridge for the clue, which is NOT a Detour or a Roadblock. It’s just another clue pointing them to yet another location. We are about 20 minutes into the episode and there haven’t been any tasks to speak of until now. What an oddly constructed leg.
The Hotel Schweizerhof is the destination and the challenge is titled Rockstar Rehab. They have to select a room number from the front desk, change into uniforms, get a cleaning basket and do a thorough clean of a hotel room that is in complete disarray. Fortunately, there is a model room for their review but unfortunately, every little detail must be adhered to or the judge will not give them their clue.
One by one they start in with the cleaning and Brendon & Rachel have finally arrived at the bridge but got rather bad advice on how to get to the hotel. Instead of driving to it, they hoof it the several blocks. This puts them squarely in last place.
The minutiae of the cleaning task sinks in with several failed inspections by the judge. Once Team Fetch shows up, the pressure continues to escalate with Connor piping in with “Well, Brenchel is here because you can always hear when Rachel shows up.” While true, it’s hard not to be put off by their newly displayed disdain of Team Fetch. I doubt the cowboys are planning on inviting them over for a cookout but you don’t hear them talking smack about Brendon & Rachel.
Rachel informs us that she spent four years working in a hotel so this task should be easy for them. I would cry “wolf” that the producers are tailoring tasks for Rachel but given that she also said that her bartending prowess would benefit them in Thailand and it didn’t, I think the show is on the “up-and-up.”
With every disapproval from the judge, the teams have to figure out the error on their own but we are shown the mistakes, which range from a missing fruit display, toilet paper improperly set up, lamps facing the wrong way and for Jennifer & Caroline about four other things. Unsurprisingly, the singers show once again they are the worst at a challenge.
Jet & Cord get approved first and head to the next destination: The Swiss Museum of Transport. Once there, they have to find and identify a marked artifact. The artifact is a ginormous tunnel drilling bit. The Brothers Grit are one their way in first place.
While everyone else continues playing housemaid, Jet & Cord arrive at the museum and spot the artifact. Before they get the task clue, the teams have to identify the artifact’s purpose. Apparently, Jet knows him some excavation equipment because without hesitation, he tells the man it’s used for drilling tunnels. Bam! Clue in hand.
They then move onto the museum grounds and find the Ford Mustang exhibit. Once there, the teams select a clue off the window of one of five classic mustangs and use the massive display of street signs that encircles the building to decipher an equation that tells them the year of the Mustang they selected. The equation includes the names of two cities with a blank and then “km”. Basically, it’s simple math but they will have to search for the correct number, unless you get someone who knows the proper year for their car. The brothers start in with the sign-gazing.
At the hotel, all the components of the Accidental Alliance have finished the task, with the girls trailing behind and the target Brendon & Rachel not too far from getting approval.
Leo & Jamal and David & Connor arrive at the museum next and David’s engineering experience pays off because he also knows exactly what it is. Of course, he shares the info with the Afghanimals and then shouts it out to the girls as they show up when Team Murphy’s Law runs into the museum. Yet again, the girls have to do NOTHING. They are the Amazing Race equivalent of Morgan from this season’s Survivor Beauty tribe, who proclaimed that life is just easier when you are cute.
Brendon & Rachel have finished the hotel room reassembly and are heading to the museum, while Jet & Cord stay in the front as the first team to finish. The teams have to drive themselves to the town of Oberrickenbach and find a marked milk tanker. David & Connor narrow that lead, though, as the second team out.
Team Fetch doesn’t have another team holding their hands on the Race, so they rely upon the good nature of a local about the purpose of the artifact. They are in last but with the girls often clueless, this may be their chance to pass them. Alas, it is not so. The Afghanimals stay true to the alliance and tell the singers exactly where to find the answer to their equation. So of the three tasks that the teams have been faced with this leg, Jennifer & Caroline have only done one on their own. If I were Leo & Jamal, you better believe that I would keep them around as long as possible. Again, that’s a solid strategy, fellas.
The newlyweds still bring up the rear but it appears that yet another task awaits the teams at the milk tanker. Navigating the roads into the Swiss mountains provides beautiful scenery and a change in leaders. David & Connor have leapt in front of Jet & Cord, arriving at the tanker first. It’s this leg’s Roadblock. It’s worth noting that this leg appears to be Detour-less.
The task is selecting a dog to pull a cart with two empty milk canisters over to one of two gondolas. The person then has to take the empty containers to the top of the lift and switch them out for two full containers. The full ones then have to be transported via gondola back to the dog and delivered to the starting point. Connor elects to do the task and with it being so physically demanding, this was the best possible choice for this team. Cord is hot on his heels and has his dog selected.
Connor and Cord are neck-and-neck in their separate gondolas but Connor has the edge. At the base of the mountain the other teams arrive with Jennifer & Caroline in last. Leo is handling it for the Afghanimals and Brendon is for Team Fetch. Jennifer draws the short straw for her team. Given how physical this one proves to be, the singers didn’t really have a "good" choice.
As Connor waits for his gondola to return, he doesn’t quite reciprocate Brendon’s “Guten morgen” and is even more pissy about the fact that Brendon used his finger to write on the frosted window “TAR 24 WINNERS BRENCHEL.” Of course, Connor allows this silly move by Brendon to get under his skin.
Cord is now heading down the mountain, too, as Leo collects his milk. On the ground, and I mean, literally on the ground, we have Jennifer. She hasn’t even made it to the gondola and she has ungracefully busted her bum on the ice. She recollects her milk containers and gingerly moves toward the lift as Connor and Cord have now loaded up their dogs and heading to get their clue.
Despite Cord beating Connor to it, the father/son team exits the task first on their way to Mount Titlis. They have to find Phil on the top of the mountain. Leo retains his lead over Brendon and the cousins are heading to the Pitstop in third.
Would you like to see some footage of Jennifer struggling on a task when she actually has to do it? You are in luck because that’s what the producers give us. The poor girl simply can’t get ahead on this task. If she and her mean girl teammate hadn’t turned heel so quickly, I would feel sorry for them. But now I just sit here and smile, which probably doesn’t make me a better person than them.
At Mount Titlis, David & Connor arrive first and load up in the gondola hoping no other team shows up because they fear a footrace with any of them would not end in their favor. Well, those hopes are dashed when the cowboys AND the cousins hop in line behind them and load up. All three know the stakes and it’s a race to the mat. Leo & Jamal begin to speak to each other in Persian (I assume) about dropping their packs as soon as they see Phil. The Professor X-like look on Jet’s face is so serious it’s as if he is try to will himself to understand what they are saying.
After scurrying through the halls and elevators on the mountain, the team to emerge in front of Phil in first place is…David & Connor. They were able to overcome their fear of being outpaced to the mat and are rewarded with their own Ford Mustang. Jet & Cord claim second and Leo & Jamal have third.
Over at the Roadblock, Brendon & Rachel are long gone and heading to Mount Titlis, leaving their archenemies Jennifer & Caroline securely in last. At this point, my fingers are white-knuckled from being crossed so hard that this will be an elimination leg.
As expected, Team Fetch takes fourth place and Jennifer & Caroline stroll up to the mat in last. But yet again, these inept Racers are spared elimination. What the? They are the cockroaches of The Amazing Race. Maybe next week, the Speed Bump will actually do its job and get them eliminated.
Speaking of next week, we get another U-Turn and from the looks of the footage, Leo & Jamal are there first. Decisions…decisions. If it were me, I would U-Turn Jet & Cord because head-to-head, I would rather face Brendon & Rachel. But that also depends upon whether the cowboys are in front of them and chose to not use the U-Turn. I feel like I should also point out that of the five remaining teams, neither Brendon & Rachel nor David & Connor can U-Turn anyone and let’s be real, Jennifer & Caroline will probably be so far behind they will continue to be a non-factor/non-threat.
Let’s see how it plays out in seven days. Have a good week, all.