This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for April 25-27, 2014
By Curt David
April 25, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com
I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.
For the weekend of April 25th, the new movies in wide release are Brick Mansions, The Other Woman, and The Quiet Ones.
| Brick Mansions | The Other Woman | The Quiet Ones | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | Seems profound for a movie title | Seems less profound for a movie title | Also not the most profound title | Haven’t heard of any of these movies, 1/3 point each. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Action
Rated PG-13 for frenetic gunplay, violence and action throughout, language, sexual menace and drug material | Comedy
Rated PG-13 on appeal for mature thematic material, sexual references and language | Horror Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and terror, sexual content, thematic material, language, and smoking throughout | Three different genres, three similar ratings, 1/3 point each. |
| Best Plot (in haiku form) | To avenge dad’s death Need gun fights and explosions And needs some parkour | Guy cheats on his wife She and both his mistresses Take revenge on him | Guy and professor Study demon possessed girl Then routine horror | Yawn. Typical plots gets 1/3 points each |
| Best Trailer | PROS: The founder of Parkour is an actor in this movie (and unfortunately one of Paul Walker’s last movies)
CONS: I didn’t really get a sense of plot | PROS: Beautiful women, and I laughed once
CONS: Implausible plot focusing on infidelity (a pet peeve of mine) | PROS: Has the guy from Hunger Games
CONS: I didn’t really get the plot from the trailer, other than spooky things happen | This is not my week- none of the trailers wowed me. So… 1/3 point each. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Paul Walker from the Fast and the Furious movies. | Cameron Diaz from There’s Something About Mary and Charlie’s Angels. | Sam Claflin from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. | Paul Walker will win this point. |
| Best Cast | RZA (the founder or the Wu-Tang Clan) and David Belle (the founder of Parkour!) | Leslie Mann (17 Again) and Kate Upton (the model) | I didn’t recognize anyone else yet. | Close one, but Leslie and Kate will win this point. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writer Luc Besson also wrote The Fifth Element, Taken, and The Transporter. | Director Nick Cassavetes also directed The Notebook. | Writer and director John Pogue also wrote The Skulls. | Luc Besson will win the point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Brick Mansions scores 3 and 1/3 points, The Other Woman scores 2 and 1/3 points, and The Quiet ONes scores 1 and 1/3 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you watch any ol’ horror movie, feel free to watch The Quiet Ones. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Brick Mansion is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. This week I refuse to give out any to the uninspiring taglines for Brick Mansions (Undercover and never outgunned), The Other Woman (The oddest friends are about to get even), or The Quiet Ones (Something unspeakable is happening to Jane Harper).
Conclusion 3: Brick Mansions is a remake of the 2004 French film District 13, which I thought was a great movie! You should rent that movie.
*Statistic is completely made up.