This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for March 21-23, 2014
By Curt David
March 21, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Winter came.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Julia Roberts in America’s Sweethearts), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 85%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of March 21st, the new films in wide release are Divergent and Muppets Most Wanted.


DivergentMuppets Most WantedWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA popular YA book.The Muppets!"These titles are are catchy." "So is smallpox!"** 1/2 point each.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action
Rated PG-13 for intense violence and action, thematic elements and some sensuality 		Comedy
Rated PG for some mild action		"Do you think these movies constitute cruelty to animals?" "Not unless animals are watching them!"** 1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Futuristic World
Unique girl born. Has to die.
Her kind will fight back 		Kermit thrown in jail
Fake Kermit robbing the world
Muppets to Rescue! 		"These plots are different. They’re lousy….But different!!!"** Point for The Muppets.
Best TrailerPROS: It looks well cast and well acted and could be fun.
CONS: I wasn’t 100% sure of the plot or why her kind was a danger...the book or movie could explain more.		PROS: There are 100 trailers for this film, and they are all wonderful. I love the Muppets.
CONS: None. 		"Hey you old fool, you slept through the trailers!" "Who’s the fool? You watched the trailers!"** Point for The Muppets.
Coolest Lead ActorKate Winslet from Titanic and The Holiday. Kermit the Frog from The Great Muppet Caper and Muppets Take Manhatten. "This column is off to a fast start." "Good, maybe it will end sooner!"** 1/2 point each.
Best CastAshley Judd (Double Jeopardy) and Miles Teller (That Awkward Moment)Miss Piggy, Animal, Fozzie, Gonzo, Tina Fey (SNL), Ty Burrell (Modern Family), and Ricky Gervais (The Office) "What would you do if you were a rich man?" "I’d buy the studios and cancel these movies!"** Point for The Muppets.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Neil Burger also directed The Illusionist and Limitless. Writer and Director James Bobin also wrote and directed Da Ali G Show and Flight of the Concords (and directed The Muppets!)"They’re not half bad." "Nope, they’re all bad!"** 1/2 point each.


Conclusion 1: On paper, Muppets Most Wanted is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. I couldn’t find one for Divergent (other than it’s based on the worldwide bestseller), so Muppets Most Wanted’s, “Taking the Wold by Farce,” hahaha, wins the point.
Conclusion 4: "Hey Waldorf, it’s a frog and a pig. Looks like they’re in love." "Yeah. Makes you kind of sick doesn’t it?"
Conclusion 5: "Look at that, the Muppets are coming to a theater in this town." "Yeah, I already got tickets." "You did? Are they good seats?" "Yeah, they’re for the next train out of town!"**
Conclusion 6: "This show reminds me of a 25 cent cigar." "Oh yeah, why is that?" "Because it’s cheap and it stinks!"**

*Statistic is completely made up.
**Best quotes from the best comedic duo: Statler and Waldorf.