This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for March 7-9, 2014
By Curt David
March 7, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

It doesn't look like she's going to leave cake for anyone after all.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Battleship), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Idina Menzel in...actually, she’s made good movie choices), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 69%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of March 7th, the new films in wide release are 300: Rise of an Empire and Mr. Peabody & Sherman.


300: Rise of an EmpireMr. Peabody & ShermanWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleSounds like a sequel to the gladiator film 300.Sounds like a cartoon.But I don’t remember ever watching that cartoon...so 300: Rise of an Empire will get the first point
Best Genre
and Rating		Action
Rated R for strong sustained sequences of stylized bloody violence throughout, a sex scene, nudity and some language		Animation
Rated PG for some mild action and brief rude humor 		Those ratings descriptions prove this is the perfect example of not releasing similar films in one weekend….1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Wife from 300
Her army’s taking revenge
Six-packs and fighting 		There’s a dog and boy
But dog is talking parent
They’ll travel through time. 		A talking dog that’s a parent….that’s a pretty good plot. Point for Peabody.
Best TrailerPROS: A stylish action sequel with lots of gratuitous fighting, if you’re into that
CONS: Spartans, Persians, Greeks...I didn’t understand who was fighting who….also have a self-image complex after seeing trailer		PROS: Genius talking dog is intriguing. Looks like kids will love it
CONS: Not super funny, and the plot didn’t make perfect sense		Uhhh, neither trailer blew my mind. 1/2 point each.
Coolest Lead ActorLena Headey from the original 300, most recognizable cast member.The voice of Ty Burrell from Modern Family. The voice of Ty equals a sequel getting back a main character. 1/2 point each.
Best CastEva Green (Casino Royale) and Rodrigo Santoro (300)The voices of Allison Janney, Stephen Colbert, Mel Brooks, and Stanley Tucci. Animated films these days usually have a ton more famous voices in the cast list. Action movies usually have a ton more famous people too...lackadaisical 1/2 point each.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer Zack Snyder has also written and directed 300, and directed Man of Steel. Director Rob Minkoff also directed THE LION KING!NANTS INGONYAMA, BAGITHI BABA…..point for Rob Minkoff.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Mr. Peabody & Sherman wins 4 points (and a gold star) and 300: Rise of an Empire scores 3 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like action films, or men in loincloths, feel free to watch 300: Rise of an Empire. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Mr. Peabody & Sherman is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. I couldn’t find one for 300, but Mr. Peabody’s “He’s leaving his mark on history” would have won anyway...cause dogs leave marks, hahaha.
Conclusion 3: I don’t have time to write a third conclusion...I need to go do some sit-ups.

*Statistic is completely made up.