If I Were an Academy Member...
By David Mumpower
March 1, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Howard Wolowitz is right not to go back to space.

On the whole, I found 2013 to be a solid year in movies. The prior year had included a high volume of solid to great movies, only a few of which truly dazzled me. I feel that my 2013 top 20 list was as strong as any movie group in recent years. Alas, the Academy still somehow managed to get a lot wrong. Only four of the movies I selected as among the true greats of the year earned Best Picture nominees. Another three selections finished in the top third of my movie rankings for the year. The other two titles fell somewhere in the range of wildly disappointing to utterly deplorable. Suffice to say that anything I rank lower than four skews toward the overrated range. The movies ranked eighth and ninth have no business being critically praised, much less Best Picture nominees.

1) Gravity
Our site’s passion for Gravity was stated in plain terms when we selected it Best Picture at The Calvins. In the process, its margin of victory absolutely shattered the previous record in the category. All of our voters but two listed Gravity as one of the ten best movies of the year. More than half determined that it was the seminal movie achievement of 2013. Count me among those voters. Simply stated, Gravity leaves me breathless every time I watch it. The movie has been on permanent repeat on my Roku for over two weeks now. I am not saying that I have watched all of it that often but I would estimate I have already seen Gravity 15 times. Part of that is because it is a short movie (barely 80 minutes). The larger reason is that when certain moments of Gravity occur, I simply cannot take my eyes away.

I have made peace with the fact that Gravity has less than a coin flip of a chance of winning Best Picture. My hope is that the sheer volume of voters who admire it will be enough to carry the day over a lesser competitor. When people remember 2013 in cinema, Gravity and a film that did not receive a Best Picture nomination, Frozen, will be the first two conversation topics. Nothing else on this list is even close to them in terms of movie-going experience.

2) Nebraska
I am stubbornly indifferent to Alexander Payne movies as a rule. Sideways, while fun, in no way lives up to the hype it received from critics. About Schmidt is a pleasant surprise but a slight film. And Election will be the movie that plays eternally for me if I wind up in Hell. With The Descendants, Payne took a strong step in the right direction by letting the actors rather than the dialogue become the focal point. Nebraska is an extension of that as living legend Bruce Dern and virtual unknown June Squibb portray the type of parents few people want yet most people have. They are innately decent and a bit boring yet they are revealed to be the anchor members of the family.

Will Forte, whom I finally forgive for MacGruber, plays the son who experiences this revelation as he indulges his father on a cross-state quest for riches. Along the way, he feels outcast from most of the people involved with the lives of his parents. . Particularly memorable are the scenes with his bumbling cousins, men who share no commonality with him save for DNA. Many of us will find that relatable. Payne has always revealed a complicated relationship with his parents throughout his filmography. Nebraska is the culmination of this career trajectory. I accept that Nebraska is too slight to win Best Picture. It is, however, one of the best 10 best movies of 2013. I warmly recommend it to everyone.

3) Captain Phillips
With United 93, Paul Greengrass took the unusual step of casting many of the people involved with the events of 9/11. The authenticity of the air traffic control scenes was so important that he chose not to risk it with actors. Captain Phillips is not quite that specific yet the underlying concepts are similar. Greengrass’ fascination with the underlying mechanics of certain professions strengthens the films he makes. Because he wants to know how a Navy SEAL would handle a pirate kidnapping, Captain Phillips explores it in explicit detail. The film even ends with an odd but wonderful post-action that demonstrates how military officials attempt to aid victims of traumatic events. These are strange comments to make about what is at heart a Tom Hanks vs. the Evil Pirate movie yet I believe it is important. The events are enriched by the attention to detail demonstrated by the director. The viewer cannot help but be engrossed because the realism creates the illusion of a live broadcast. Captain Phillips is by no means Paul Greengrass’ best work yet it would be the best work of most people working in the industry today.

4) Her
Her is close to being a masterpiece. The first hour of the movie demonstrates all of the flair and verve of Spike Jonze. I am discussing more than simply the core concept as well. The idea of falling in love with an advanced version of Siri is not exactly original in and of itself. The Big Bang Theory even did an episode about it. What differentiates Her is that the idea of artificial intelligence is explored in a novel way. The exponential growth of the program named Samantha is a clever way of exploring how people outgrow one another in relationships. And apropos of nothing, I very much enjoy the videogame scenes in the movie. Where Her is lost me was in the third act when the film moved away from its primary goal in order to craft what feels like a forced union at the end, even if it is intentionally left open-ended. With a better denouement, Her could have been an instant classic. Instead, it settles for being a very entertaining movie with more good ideas than bad. I still enjoy it a great deal yet I am frustrated that Jonze was positioned to hit a grand slam before eventually settling for a stand-up double.

5) Philomena
Because the titular lead possesses such a distinct name, this movie has an air of mystery to it. People who have not seen the various news articles about the fallout from the real life story could not envision the film’s subject matter. As a huge fan of Dame Judi Dench and a mortal enemy of all things Steve Coogan, the casting of Philomena left me conflicted. I dislike Coogan so much that his mere presence in a project distracts me from the story. I must credit the producers of Philomena for telling their story so well that I found myself liking Coogan in the role of a talented douche, which probably does not require a lot of acting on his part. Dench is a revelation in this role because it is so against type for her. Whereas she ordinarily portrays badass women with iron wills, the character of Philomena Lee is more of a “let go and let God” type. Passive and weak are not the regular descriptors for Dench and yet she delivers a chameleon-like performance as an aging woman horribly wronged by a group of people she still loves. Philomena Lee’s suffering is quite real and her willingness to share her story has caused a great deal of good in the world. The movie itself is imperfect and frankly difficult to watch at times yet it is exceptional nonetheless.

6) Dallas Buyers Club
7) 12 Years a Slave
There really isn’t a lot separating the sixth and seventh place films on my list save for one key difference. I like the characters in Dallas Buyers Club exponentially more. The acting performances are actually of a similar quality despite what the Academy Awards will indicate on Sunday. Both are grim stories of people suffering needlessly, trapped by rules of governance that have failed them completely. Whereas 12 Years a Slave almost glamorizes torture in order to demonstrate the atrocities of slavery, Dallas Buyers Club relishes in gallows humor. Yes, I am saying that I find 12 Years a Slave too dramatic at times and yes, I like Dallas Buyers Club because it is funnier. Is that the end all/be all? Of course not. The Wolf of Wall Street is absolutely hysterical yet I dislike it on the whole. Dallas Buyers Club delivers a trio of sublime acting performances (yes, I’m including Jennifer Garner in that, haters) with an oddly triumphant story of human achievement. 12 Years a Slave aptly recounts one of the darkest periods in American history, and it does that well. It’s simply too grim for me.

8) The Wolf of Wall Street
As I referenced above, I laughed many, many times during The Wolf of Wall Street. The Quaaludes drive is one of the funniest moments in 2013 cinema. My problem with the movie is that it is plainly intended to be the third movie in the Goodfellas/Casino trilogy. Unlike those stories, however, most of the victims in The Wolf of Wall Street are innocent folks who were duped by a duplicitous egomaniac. The mob guys in Goodfellas and Casino were always going to come to a bad end. The “character” of Jordan Belfort is glamorized in this film to the point that he is given a cameo at the end. I could get past this if I had not just watched his cocaine-fueled greed lead to the death of innocents whose professional vocation was the rescue of jeopardized strangers. That is a real event that transpired. The moron sunk a famous yacht during a desperate attempt to recover millions of dollars. The helicopter response team that attempted to save him crashed, killing all the people onboard. That is who Jordan Belfort is. The Wolf of Wall Street spends three laborious hours celebrating his breed of narcissism with a wink and a laugh. Had the movie cut away from him more to demonstrate the attempt by Kyle Chandler’s character to bring him to justice, I might have loved the movie. That type of balance would have added greatly to the proceedings. Instead, The Wolf of Wall Street proves shallow and largely forgettable despite some wonderful acting performances. But it is very, very funny.

9) American Hustle
In my opinion, American Hustle is the worst Best Picture nominee since The Reader in 2008. There is exactly one positive about the movie in my estimation, and that is “science oven”. Beyond that instantly quotable line, the only other aspect of American Hustle that did not actively alienate me was the acting of the female leads. Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence go to bat for director David O. Russell in this film yet he leaves them hanging in the lurch because it is a guy film to the core and a regrettable one at that. American Hustle is based on fascinating real life events that should have made for an engaging story. Instead, it’s a bunch of bad hairpieces, some disinterested actors and a metric ton of self-indulgent direction. The fact that this film is in the conversation for Best Picture winner turns my stomach. I debated which film I liked better between G. I. Joe: Retaliation and it, and I said, “Yo, Joe!” because at that least that movie has ninjas.