This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for February 28 - March 2, 2014
By Curt David
February 27, 2014
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Any joke we'd make here feels sacrilegious.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Catwoman), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Gabrielle Union in The Perfect Holiday), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 13%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of February 28th, the new films in wide release are Non-Stop and Son of God.


Non-Stop Son of GodWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleSounds like an action movie. Sounds like a comedy, or could it be a biopic?But on the off-chance it’s a documentary starring the actual son of God, I better give him this point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, some language, sensuality and drug references		Drama/Biopic
Rated PG-13 for intense and bloody depiction of The Crucifixion, and for some sequences of violence 		Two different genres, each one will get half a point.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Air Marshall on flight
Each twenty minutes, a death
Can he solve the crime? 		A spoiler alert:
Jesus was born. Healed people
Died. Came back to life.		While the story has been told before, you can’t really beat that plot. Point for Son of God.
Best TrailerPROS: The trailer looked suspenseful, not predictable, and not ridiculous for a plane thriller
CONS: Maybe none. 		PROS: A movie like this could easily become cheesy or offensive, but it looks well done
CONS: None, as long as it doesn’t become cheesy or offensive		Both trailers will split the point for being intriguing.
Coolest Lead ActorLiam Neeson from Schindler’s List, The Phantom Menace, and Taken. Jesus. Point for Jesus. (You can take it up with him if you think I ripped off Liam).
Best CastJulianne Moore (The Big Lebowski) and Lupita Nyong’o (12 Years a Slave)None that I recognizedThis weekend’s Oscar winning Lupita will win this point. (You heard it from me first)
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Jaume Collet-Serra also directed House of Wax, Orphan, and UnknownWriter and Director Christopher Spencer also directed The Bible mini-series and a ton of documentaries. Each director will split the point for best street cred.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Son of God scores scores 4 and 1/2 points and Non-stop scores 2 and 1/2 points (and a gold star).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked Taken, feel free to watch Non-Stop. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Son of God is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. I think every single movie should have a tagline...except The Son of God. Really? A tagline? Non-stop’s “The hijacking was just the beginning,” wins over JC’s “Their Empire. His kingdom.”
Conclusion 3: Spoiler has two syllables. I pronounce it with three syllables. But according to the interwebs, it only has two syllables.