Top Chef New Orleans Recap
By David Mumpower
December 17, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Given the disastrous Restaurant Wars performance offered by the members of Found, no one should be shocked that several players are still talking about it at the start of the episode. Carlos points out to his friend (or frenemy?) Justin that the New Orleans native knew he should have gone home. Justin confides that Sara was the correct vote because “It keeps me here.” I give him points for honesty.
Nick and Travis join them. So the quartet of gentlemen now includes the worst two remaining contestants from Restaurant Wars conversing with the best two. Blackadder used to call that “coming over for a gloat.” We quickly switch to awkward childhood pictures of Travis hunting as a child. It’s like putting Liberace in a boxing ring. Everything about it feels wrong. Travis relays a story about a time he was informed that “we don’t allow gays in the kitchen.” I hope that whoever said that found Jesus, Buddha and/or Allah soon afterward because HATRED.
Since the cast rarely provides drama this season, we continue the trend of almost immediate edits to the Quickfire challenge. And I love today’s judge so, so much. No, Hubert Keller does not fixate on hip tang. He did once craft a Top Chef Masters dish in a dormitory shower, though. Anybody who can do that is a living legend in my eyes.
The presence of the nicest judge ever is presumably intended to distract from another blatant cash grab by the producers of Top Chef. As Padma pimps out the kitchen, today’s john is Dunkin Donuts and their line of coffee products. It’s official. Top Chef has become a semi-legal exercise in panhandling. And I say this before tonight’s Last Chance Kitchen, which will inevitably feature an awkward drive in a Toyota vehicle. The logical conclusion for this season is for the judges to start wearing corporate logos on their outfits a la race car drivers.*
*That idea was sponsored by NASCAR, the official sports organization of merchandise whoring. Hmm, I probably should asked NASCAR for money prior to posting that rather than afterward.
Anyway, the chefs make coffee. Had Folgers, Maxwell House, Seattle’s Best or Starbucks ponied up the cash, their project would be featured. Alas, the chefs are stuck with Dunkin Donuts, whose coffee is even worse than their donuts. Hey, they didn’t pay me a dime so I can be honest about their products. If you want a good donut, go to Krispy Kreme. If you want good coffee, well, Dunkin Donuts shouldn’t even be on your top 10 list.
The Quickfire challenge does afford Stephanie the opportunity to be her usual quirky self. May favorite quote during her self-evaluation is this. “There is a pivotal moment when I decide to just make the absolute wrong decision.” She also describes her dish as “Weird, so weird.” Stephanie will never be accused of lacking humility. She later coins the Seuss-ian phrase “bacon and coffee ham jam” to describe her dish. God, she’s fun.
A couple of other noteworthy moments occur I will briefly mention. Carlos describes how he told his future wife that they would get married only moments after they met. That was 20 years ago. If this were a Nicholas Sparks movie, one of them would have to die now.
Nina says something that makes me sit up and take note. She states Nick is her strongest competitor this season. That is praise from Caesar, my friends. And speaking of people obsessed with phallic imagery, Brian is making a risotto because he believes that sometimes you have to let your balls swing. That sounds great right up until we consider that risotto is the dish of doom on Top Chef, and Quickfire challenges have 30 minute time limits as a rule.
Hubert reveals the winners. Sure enough, Brian’s risotto does not work well and lacks coffee flavors. I blame Dunkin Donuts, sponsors of tonight’s challenge. Nick may have the respect of Nina, but Hubert believes that the texture of his dish is “unpleasant.” Nick adds the odd thought that if “someone’s gonna be on the bottom, might as well be me.” That is loser talk, Nick. Nina thinks you’re good so maybe you should start talking some daily affirmation lessons from Stuart Smalley. He embraced positivity and wound up becoming a United States senator!
The top three are Shirley, Carrie and Stephanie. The women are once again in charge this season. Of course, Stephanie was convinced that she had shamed her ancestors with her dish so her look of surprise is priceless. I half-expect her to do a Sally Field “you like me, you really like me!” impression.
As creative as her dish was, however, Stephanie cannot surpass Shirley, who earns immunity and $10,000. Given that Shirley is already high strung, I half expect her to spontaneously combust at the announcement of victory. Shirley surprises me by being relatively low key about it although she immediately announces an intention to buy an air conditioner for her home in Nevada. Since the temperature is frequently north of 100 degrees there, I think that is a fairly solid investment. Of course, she could also stay cooler by not burning so much energy by constantly moving and talking. I’m just thinking out loud here.
Another Hollywood celebrity enters the kitchen to announce the Elimination challenge. New Orleans native Anthony Mackie arrives. He is a favorite of mine for his work in We Are Marshall, She Hate Me and especially The Adjustment Bureau, although you probably know him best for The Hurt Locker. He is also going to portray comic book hero The Falcon in the Disney Marvel universe. Eat your heart out, Lea Michelle!
The theme tonight is simple but sublime. Since Mackie is enjoying a homecoming, the chefs will contemplate the same. They are expected to craft a dish “inspired by food you eat at home.” For whatever reason, the challenges that require the judges to recall special family moments always end up being many of the best dishes of the season.
The players excitedly relay their plans for the meal as well as anecdotes from their childhood. Stephanie and Brian’s families were not big on cooking. Stephanie was raised on chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, which may be enough evidence to retroactively call Child Services on her parents. Brian’s dad never cooked but could man a grill while his mother handled the marinade. I have the epiphany that I am both of Brian’s parents combined. Grilling with a marinade represents the outer limits of my cooking ability.
What we learn during the preparation involves the upbringing of the players. Shirley left China 20 years ago yet whenever she returns, a family member of a friend always prepares the same dish for her. Travis was raised by manly men who had strong opinions about gravy. It simply must have lumps, you know. And Carrie’s mother used to slam on the brakes and then send her running out of the car to acquire ingredients. There is something very human in asking people to reminisce about the odd moments from childhood. It is a wonderful segment.
There is also some levity. Shirley doesn’t just slice and dice her ingredients. Her chopping registers on the Richter scale. Stephanie is the unfortunate person sharing Shirley’s work station. She actually has to request that Shirley stop in order to protect her fingers. The way Shirley shakes the table, Stephanie is convinced that she will wind up looking like an unlucky Shop teacher if she tries to use her cutlery at the same time as Shirley. We cannot risk this fate because Stephanie’s fingers could be the source of her comedy genius. We just don’t know and I’m not prepared to take that risk.
Travis continues to discuss biscuits and gravy, thereby making him more interesting to me than he has been at any other time this season. As a native southerner, I love biscuits and gravy the same way that I love SEC football, Elvis Presley and Guns & Ammo. Okay, I’m relatively indifferent to Elvis and would picket against Guns & Ammo but I figured that you had a certain perspective of me as a southerner that I wanted to play up. I *do* love biscuits and gravy, though. I wish I could get that in an IV drip.
Tom Colicchio, a New Jersey native, has the audacity to believe that he knows how to make a delicious biscuit. He is confused when Travis states that he will be using milk and cream. Tom cannot imagine a biscuit not including buttermilk. Travis laughs this off during their conversation before getting ultra-defensive during his later camera conversation.
Following the usual rules of Top Chef, we should infer that either Travis’ biscuit is delicious enough to earn him a spot in the top group or a disaster that puts his name in the Elimination hat. Since I maintain that Travis is the “worst” remaining chef, I expect the latter. Then again, I made a similarly snide comment last week right before Travis delivered an epic Restaurant Wars performance.
Continuing the good will nature of tonight’s episode, Emeril Lagasse cooks dinner for the contestants at their residence. Emeril is one of the kindest people on television, and he also has a poker tell. Whenever he is particularly proud of a recipe, he warmly rubs his hands together in anticipation of the presentation. There is much hand rubbing about caldo verde, a green soup his mother made for him.
Emeril innocently asks what each person is preparing the next day. This query stirs up a lot of emotions in Brian. The New York strip steak he has planned for his menu is his father’s favorite cut of beef. Brian confides that his father had a series of strokes the previous year that have impeded the man’s ability to communicate with others. Brian cries as he relays the story, and he is so human in this moment that if he wins the vote for most popular chef this season, the award will be justified by this specific conversation. I hope your father continues to improve, Brian.
The chefs are provided the honor of cooking at Dooky Chase’s Restaurant, the legendary New Orleans joint that made Leah Chase a celebrity chef. Nina states that she is humbled to be there. Brian has a different issue. There is not a place to charbroil his meat so he has to resort to pan grilling, and he is clearly agitated about it. Meanwhile, Travis only gets one shot to cook his biscuits (his words, not mine). Unfortunately, he blows it as the biscuits are on the raw side. He put too much butter in them, and that messes up the timing of their cooking.
Once the judges are seated (including Leah Chase and her daughter), the first three chefs to present their meals are Travis, Brian and Carlos. The Mexican chef wins the round as his pork is roundly praised for its flavor. Brian’s steak is sweet, and Tom is unhappy with the char on the beef. Travis’ dish strikes me as too simplistic (it looks like a Cracker Barrel meal). He is also dinged for the rawness of the biscuit. Still, Hubert Keller remarks that everyone has cleaned their plates so the mistakes in the dishes must be minor.
The next trio includes Shirley, Nicholas and Stephanie. Nick is an emotional mess as he plates. He is worried about finishing on time, and the personal nature of the dish has left him in tears. Yes, he is crying when he presents his food to the judges, relaying how he wished he could be serving his kids instead. Padma, the mother of a young child herself, is visibly moved by his love. This episode embodies how much better the Top Chef competition is when the producers focus on the likability of the players rather than their combativeness.
How good is Nick’s dish? Well, the tears must taste like ambrosia. This gnudi is his daughter’s favorite, and that is why it means so much to him. Anthony Mackie wryly states, “I wish I was his daughter.” Soon afterward, Tom compliments Shirley on the proper level of seasoning, which is praise from Caesar. Anybody who seasons to his satisfaction is in good shape in a challenge. Stephanie goes last, and her dish is also wildly popular. When Padma states, “It’s delicious,” Tom nods emphatically. There have been six very good dishes presented thus far. The final trio of players really has their work cut out for them.
The final group is comprised of Justin, Nina and Carrie. These have been the best three chefs overall this season although Justin has been in a funk the last two weeks. If any of them fails, they are a mortal lock to be eliminated due to the exemplary performance of the first six players. The margin of error for the last three players is almost non-existent.
Carrie’s dish is delicious. That’s pretty much all that is shown with regards to comments from the judges. Nina’s “mistake” is that she chose an avocado accompaniment rather than rice. Leah and Padma lament this decision. Everything else about the flavor is pitch perfect to the point that I think Nina may be starting another winning streak. Well, she probably won’t because of Nick but she remains the alpha this season. Justin’s reception is inscrutable. Emeril and the other Louisianans immediately appreciate the local flavor before they realize it is from a native of the area. Still, the dish is “dry”. I wouldn’t be shocked if he finished in the top group, the bottom group or the middle.
In the stew room, the remaining players all acknowledge that being sent home during this particular challenge would be brutal. They have crafted the comfort food of their youth. Being told that this meal was not up to snuff would be like a kick to the groin of their child memories. The only consensus is that Nick’s dish combined with emotional presentation makes him a frontrunner.
These beliefs are quickly affirmed when Nick, Carlos and Stephanie are called to Judges Table. They are the best performers this week. I am shocked that Nina and Carrie are not chosen, and that reinforces the idea that all of the dishes this week were spectacular. So that is two of the last three challenges plus half of Restaurant Wars (the Fin team) that have been exemplary. The New Orleans crew is finally starting to dominate.
The judges shower the three players with hosannas, and Anthony Mackie takes an unexpected opportunity to slam Tom Colicchio for his fishing skills (Mackie is *funny*). Then, the obvious is stated out loud. Nicholas is the winner this week, which has been a foregone conclusion since he cried during his presentation. His daughter will be so proud when she watches the episode, just as she will be horrified in 10 years when others hear an anecdote about her loving the word gnudi because it reminds her of baths.
Who is in the loser’s bracket? Brian, Justin and Travis are up for elimination, and one of them will be given a (presumably) one way ticket to Last Chance Kitchen. Padma does declare that all of their dishes were great, which means that for the second time in three episodes, a chef will lose despite presenting great food.
The complaints about the dishes are predictably exacting. Brian is informed that he should have chosen a short rib. Given what we know about his father, that was never a possibility. Travis acknowledges that the heat in the kitchen cost him with his biscuit preparation. He is again queried on why he didn’t improvise. Once more, the answer can be reduced to “that wouldn’t make it a family recipe”. History repeats itself with Justin. Anthony states that he wanted more gravy while Justin mentions that he has made the dish hundreds of times. He is a bit out of practice because it has not been on his restaurant menu, though.
All three chefs have the same problem. They wanted to remain true to their upbringing, as is the underlying theme of this challenge. All of the critiques offered would require a fundamental change to the dish that means so much to the players. All of them border on defiant when pressed about their “mistakes”.
As a viewer, I admire the fact that they would rather jeopardize their presence in the game rather than be unfaithful to their upbringing. That is an admirable trait. Unfortunately, one of them must go home for their dish. Since Travis is the only one who truly made a mistake with his cooking of the biscuit, he is the rightful choice for elimination. The judges agree, and he is shipped to Last Chance Kitchen.
While Travis needs some maturity and more than a little humility, he should hold his head up about his performance. His presentation as Front of the House during Restaurant Wars surpassed that of Fabio Viviani, who has enjoyed a strong post-Top Chef career in that role. With a bit more seasoning, Travis could be become a similarly popular restaurateur personality. He has the right look and personality for it.