This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for November 1-3, 2013
By Curt David
November 1, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.
For the weekend of November 1st, the new films opening in wide release are Ender’s Game, Free Birds, and Last Vegas (and 12 Years A Slave gets released into more theaters).
| Ender’s Game | Free Birds | Last Vegas | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | An amazing book! | Does this have anything to do with Angry Birds? | This has to do with Vegas. | Ender’s Game - it’s a page turner. Point for the recognizable title. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Sci-fi Action
Rated PG-13 for some violence, sci-fi action and thematic material | Animation
Rated PG for some action/peril and rude humor | Comedy
Rated PG-13 on appeal for sexual content and language | Three different genres! Score. 1/3 point each. |
| Best Plot (in haiku form) | World needs a hero Hires kid with gaming skills He’ll fight aliens | Turkeys make a plan To change course of history Thanksgiving cartoon! | Old guy getting hitched Calls up old friends for Vegas Senior jokes ensue | Ender’s Game and Free Birds have the most unique plots. 1/2 points each. |
| Best Trailer | PROS: Great book, famous actors
CONS: But if I didn’t know the book, I would think the trailer was kind of boring | PROS: Laughed a couple times, jokes for adults, cute baby turkeys
CONS: No con if you like comedy cartoons | PROS: Famous actors, entertaining trailer, looks better than most Vegas films
CONS: Didn’t laugh that much | Not my favorite week for trailers, but what the heck, let’s give 1/3 point to each film. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Asa Butterfield from Hugo and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. | The voice of Owen Wilson from Wedding Crashers and Midnight in Paris. | Michael Douglas from Basic Instinct, Wall Street, and Traffic. | Michael Douglas is the coolest actor this week. Point. |
| Best Cast | Harrison Ford (Star Wars), Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine), Ben Kingsley (Ghandi), and Viola Davis (The Help) | The voices of Woody Harrelson (Cheers), Amy Poehler (SNL), and George Takei (Star Trek) | Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook), Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption), Kevin Kline (A Fish Called Wanda) and Mary Steenburgen (Elf) | Ender’s Game has a surprisingly strong cast. So does Last Vegas. 1/2 point each. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writer and Director Gavin Hood also directed Rendition and Wolverine. | Writer and Director Jimmy Hayward also directed Horton Hears a Who! or Jonah Hex. | Director Jon Turtletaub also directed Cool Runnings, While You Were Sleeping, and National Treasure. | Close round, but Jon Turtletaub (While You Were Sleeping - such a good movie) will win the best street cred point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Last Vegas scores 3 and 1/6 points (and a gold star), Ender’s Game scores 2 and 2/3 points, and Free Birds score 1 and 1/6 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a cartoon, feel free to watch Free Birds. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Last Vegas is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. While Free Birds “Hang on to your nuggets,” wasn’t bad, I liked Last Vegas's “One legendary weekend,” because the cast members are all older and legendary.
Conclusion 3: I’ve said this three times already this year, but While You Were Sleeping is the penultimate chick flick. I’ll say it again too (but not right now).
*Statistic is completely made up.