This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for October 25-27, 2013
By Curt David
October 25, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I know what you're wondering. Where can you get a cowboy outfit like this one?
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Jack the Giant Slayer), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Audrey Hepburn in They All Laughed), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 98%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of October 18th, the new films opening in wide release are The Counselor and Bad Grandpa.


The Counselor Jackass presents: Bad GrandpaWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI’m getting sick of two word movie titles starting with “The”.Jackass presents. Nuff said. You know what you’re getting when Jackass is in the title. Point for Bad Grandpa.
Best Genre
and Rating		Crime
Rated R for graphic violence, some grisly images, strong sexual content and language		Comedy
Rated R for strong crude and sexual content throughout, language, some graphic nudity and brief drug use. 		Two different types of genres, two similar 1/2 points awarded to each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Guy has a new wife
He gets caught up with crime stuff
The sh*t hits the fan 		Guy dressed as grandpa
Films live reactions from folks
Kind of like Borat 		That sounds like the plot of every crime movie, so Jackass will get yet another point!
Best TrailerPROS: Really famous actors, seems serious and dramatic
CONS: I didn’t really get the plot from the trailer. Nor did it make me care.		PROS: Crude humor/pranks, reactions of people not knowing they are being videotaped
CONS: May kill some brain cells if you watch it.		Neither of the trailers were super impressive. 1/2 point each.
Coolest Lead ActorMichael Fassbender from Prometheus, X-Men First Class, and Inglourious Basterds. Johnny Knoxville from Jackass, The Ringer, and Dukes of Hazzard. Michael Fassbender is the coolest actor this week. First full point for The Counselor.
Best CastPenelope Cruz (Pirates of the Caribbean 4), Cameron Diaz (There’s Something About Mary), Javier Bardem (Skyfall), and Brad Pitt (Fight Club)There’s a child actor in on the jokes - the rest of the movie is filming regular people (so no cast)And another full point for The Counselor!
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Ridley Scott also directed Thelma & Louise, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Prometheus, and Alien. Writer and Director Jeff Tremaine also wrote or directed all movies Jackass. Whoa, a come from behind victory, with a third full point in a row for The Counselor!


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Counselor scores 4 points and Bad Grandpa scores 3 points and Curt David scores a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you laugh at the Jackass films, feel free to watch Bad Grandpa. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Counselor is the best movie to watch this weekend (but honestly, you should probably just go watch Gravity or Captain Phillips).
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. From what I could tell, this week neither movie had a tagline (a personal pet peeve of mine). So I’ll keep my gold star this week.
Conclusion 3: Johnny Knoxville’s The Ringer is actually a really good movie. It shouldn’t be because it stars him, Katherine Heigl, and is about imitating a participant of the Special Olympics, but it worked (and was endorsed by the Special Olympics).

*Statistic is completely made up.