This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for September 27-29, 2013
By Curt David
September 27, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I especially like the dolphin banana.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Tarzan and the Lost City), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Julie Bowen in An American Werewolf in Paris), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 28%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of September 27th, the new films opening in wide release are Baggage Claim, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Don Jon, and Rush (Metallica Through the Never gets released in IMAX theaters)



Baggage Claim Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2Don JonRushWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleProbably a comedy? Sequel!!!An updated story of Don Juan? Probably an action film?Since Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was such a good movie, the sequel wins the point because I already want to see it.
Best Genre
and Rating		Comedy
Rated PG-13 for sexual content and some language. 		Animation
Rated PG for mild rude humor		Dramedy
Rated R for strong graphic sexual material and dialogue throughout, nudity, language and some drug use		Action/Biography
Rated R for sexual content, nudity, language, some disturbing images and brief drug use 		I have a gift of guessing genres based on their titles (except Don Jon). 1/4 point for each of these diverse films.
Best Plot (in haiku form)
(out of 5 stars)		Girl wants a husband
Meets up with all her Exes
Works for the airlines 		Guy has to return
To place that makes food monsters
Dangerous mission 		Jon, good looking guy
Meets very good looking girl
And he looks at porn		Two racecar drivers
Their rivalry on the track
Based on true story		Food monsters. Plot point for Meatballs.
Best Part of TrailerPROS: Attractive people, watchable
CONS: I didn’t laugh at all		PROS: That’s a comedy! I laughed a ton!
CONS: Not one, I declare!		PROS: Seriously, the cast is too good-looking, also movie looks good too
CONS: Some trailers might make the subject matter seem lighter than it is		PROS: Looks well-acted and well-made
CONS: The plot was just average (no offense to real-life characters)		Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and Don Jon had the best trailers. 1/2 point each.
Coolest Lead ActorPaula Patton from Precious, Deja Vu, and Mission Impossible 4. The voice of Bill Hader from Saturday Night Live. Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Inception, The Dark Knight Rises, and 3rd Rock from the Sun. Chris Hemsworth from Thor, Avengers, and Snow White and the Huntsman.Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of the coolest actors ever. Point.
Best CastAdam Brody (The O.C.), Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond), Taye Diggs (Chicago)The voices of Anna Faris, James Caan, Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Neil Patrick Harris, and many more!Scarlett Johansson (The Avengers), Julianne Moore (soon to be in Hunger Games), and Tony Danza (Who’s the Boss?)Olivia Wilde (House M.D.)This is a tough choice. I think Don Juan gets another point though.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Writer and Director David Talbert has also written and directed nationally acclaimed touring plays. Director Denis Villeneuve also directed Incendies, which was nominated for a foreign language Oscar. Writer and director Joseph Gordon-Levitt has also acted in 10 Things I Hate About You, 50/50, and Looper. Director Ron Howard also directed Splash, Apollo 13, A Beautiful Mind. Ron Howard is street cred. Point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 scores 2 and 3/4 points (and a gold star), Don Jon Scores 2 and 3/4 points, Rush scores 1 and 1/4 points, and Baggage Claim scores 1/4 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are in love with the cast of Baggage Claim, feel free to watch that film. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 AND Don Jon both are the best movies to watch this weekend. Who will win the tiebreak?
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. While Don Jon had an interesting tagline of “Everyone loves a happy ending,” I think I’d feel better giving Cloudy’s “Something big was leftover” the star...so the Cloudy sequel wins this week’s column!
Conclusion 3: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is on my list of actors I wish I was friends with. Joe (can I call you Joe?), if you’re reading this, send BOP an email and we can get together sometime. It’s cool if you bring Scarlett along too. P.S. In my mind, your movie really won the column today.

*Statistic is completely made up.