This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for August 15-17, 2013
By Curt David
August 15, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Be sure to pretend my daughter's doll is a real baby.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Rocky and Bullwinkle), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Mariah Carey in Glitter), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 81%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of August 16th, the new films in wide release are Jobs, Kick Ass 2, Lee Daniels' The Butler, and Paranoia.



Jobs Kick Ass 2 Lee Daniels' The Butler ParanoiaWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA movie about vocations? Steve Jobs? The sequel to Kick Ass. Well it’s not about A butler, but THE butler. Probably a horror movie; would be awesome if it was a comedyKick Ass 2 does what it does best this round. Point.
Best Genre
and Rating		Biography
Rated PG-13 for some drug content and brief strong language. 		Action
Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, crude and sexual content, and brief nudity. 		Biography
Rated PG-13 for some violence and disturbing images, language, sexual material, thematic elements, and smoking. 		Thriller
Rated PG-13 for some sexuality, violence, and language. 		Two biographies. Really? No horror movies? Weird. Well, I’m feeling generous - 1/4 point all around!
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		The Steve Jobs story
From his start to his success
And all in between		Regular Joes fight
They’re real life superheroes
They {insert title}		A White House Butler
And his part in history
A real-life story		Smart guy is hired
To find intel from others
He is double-crossed		I know this is a sequel, but I love the premise of a non-sci-fi movie with regular people becoming superheroes with masks. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: It looks well-acted and it’s a great person for a biography
CONS: It could have been a TV movie, though 		PROS: Still a cool plot of regular people being superheroes, looks like great action
CONS: very violent and offensive (if that’s a con to you)		PROS: It seems extremely well-acted, amazing cast, makes you care for the plot
CONS: I didn’t see any		PROS: The stakes seem high, doesn’t seem boring
CONS:I didn’t care about the plot or the characters		Lee Daniels' The Butler wipes the competition clean this round (see what I did there?) Point.
Coolest Lead ActorAshton Kutcher from That 70s show, The Butterfly Effect, and Dude Where’s My Car? Jim Carrey from The Truman Show, Ace Ventura, and Dumb & Dumber. Forest Whitaker from The Last King of Scotland and Platoon. Liam Hemsworth from The Hunger Games, Expendables 2, and The Last Song. Ace Ventura, Gale from the Hunger games, an academy award winner, and.. Kelso? Ummm, fine. 1/4 point for each.
Best CastDermot Mulroney (My Best Friend’s Wedding) and J.K. Simmons (Spider-Man)Chloe Grace Moretz (Let Me In) and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad)Vanessa Redgrave, Oprah Winfrey, Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lenny Kravitz, Robin Williams, John Cusack, Mariah Carey, Alex Pettyfer, and Liev SchreiberGary Oldman, Harrison Ford, Julian McMahon, Josh Holloway, and Richard Dreyfuss. Easiest point to give out in the column's history (but good try, Paranoia). Point for Lee Daniels' The Butler.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Joshua Michael Stern also wrote and directed Swing Vote. Writer and Director Jeff Wadlow also directed Never Back Down. Director Lee Daniels also directed Precious. Director Robert Luketic also directed Legally Blond and 21. Lee Daniels' name is all over the posters, but Robert Luketic actually directed a lot of movies. These two guys will split the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Lee Daniels' The Butler scores 3 points, Kick Ass 2 scores 2 and 1/2 points, Paranoia scores 1 point, and Jobs scores 1/2 point. Everyone scores a gold star!

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you are a teenage girl, feel free to watch Paranoia. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper The Butler is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: This is the most inspirational week of movies ever. Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. I gave out four gold stars because each movie had an inspiring message: “Some see what’s possible, others change what’s possible,” “You can’t fight your destiny,” “One quiet voice can ignite a revolution,” and “In a war between kings, even a pawn can change the game.”
Conclusion 3: Seriously- this blew my mind: Forest Whitaker, the actor, was the director of Hope Floats (which I thought was better than Sweet Home Alabama, especially since it had the same plot, but came out first).

*Statistic is completely made up.