This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for July 3-7, 2013
By Curt David
July 5, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Still more populated than any theater showing The Lone Ranger.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Kristen Wiig in MacGruber), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 20%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of July 4th,, the new movies in wide release are Despicable Me 2 and The Lone Ranger (With Kevin Hart’s Let Me Explain opening in semi-wide release).



Despicable Me 2The Lone RangerWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis is most likely the sequel to Despicable Me. This is most likely a remake of a popular TV show. Both recognizable titles. Each will get 1/2 point for clearest title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Animation
Rated PG for rude humor and mild action. 		Western
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, and some suggestive material. 		I almost never write "western" in this column. The Lone Ranger gets this point for uniqueness.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		Ex-Evil Bad Guy
Will Help Good Guys Save the World
Minions are so cool		Guy almost was killed
An Indian saves his life
He’s The Lone Ranger		Saving the world seems like a better plot. Minions are so cool. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: Funny minions, all the cute characters from before
CONS: Not a one		PROS: Good action, fun western
CONS: Doesn’t seem extra spectacular 		Despicable Me 2 made me want to watch the movie. Not so much The Lone Ranger. Point for minions.
Coolest Lead ActorThe voice of Steve Carell from The Office, Get Smart, and Anchorman. Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean and Edward Scissorhands.Two of the coolest actors alive. Each will win a half point for this round.
Best CastThe voices of Kristen Wiig, Benjamin Bratt, Russell Brand, and Ken JeongArmie Hammer (Social Network) and Helena Bonham Carter (The King’s Speech) The Lone Ranger will get the point for having a live-action cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		One of the directors, Chris Renaud, also directed Despicable Me and The Lorax. Director Gore Verbinski also directed The Ring and the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy. Both directors will share the point for street cred.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Despicable Me 2 scores 3 and 1/2 points (and a gold star) and The Lone Ranger scores 3 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you have kids, you don’t have a choice but to watch Despicable Me 2. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper both movies are the best movie to watch this weekend. (I feel like this column has had a lot of ties recently.)
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. “Never take off the mask” is a boring tagline, but “More minions. More Despicable” is the perfect tagline. So...Despicable Me 2 wins the tiebreaker and is the official winner for the weekend!
Conclusion 3: Pirates of the Caribbean ranks first on my list of movies “that I could watch over and over and over again.”

*Statistic is completely made up.