TiVoPlex
By John Seal
June 3, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 6/4/13
1:30 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Last Ride (1944 USA): It’s hard to go wrong with a Warner Bros second feature, and this one has the additional attraction of being, well, a little out of the ordinary. Directed by D. Ross Lederman, The Last Ride stars Richard Travis as a police officer investigating (wait for it) tire bootlegging. Of course, this being World War II and all, rubber was in short supply and needed for the war effort, but in hindsight it really is a rather odd conceit on which to hang a plot. Eleanor Parker is along for love interest, Wade Boteler pops up in his trademarked bluff police chief role, and there’s young William Hopper – a decade before Perry Mason – as a garage mechanic. When the rubber hits the road, you’ll want to go along for this ride!
3:15 PM Showtime
Car Wash (1976 USA): If you’re still in the mood for something with an automotive theme, here’s the ever popular and impossibly cheery Car Wash for your consideration. Penned by the legendary Joel Schumacher and helmed by the almost as legendary Michael Schultz, the film is an ecstatic salute to the funky ‘70s, when disco dancing could break out at the drop of a knit hat – even during working hours. This cheery episodic comedy is good, lowbrow fun with a terrific cast, including Richard Pryor as an unctuous televangelist named Daddy Rich; Clarence Muse, Antonio Fargas, and Bill Duke as car wash employees; and token whitey George Carlin as a taxi driver. As long as you can overlook the broad caricatures (Fargas’ character is stereotypically gay, Duke’s an overly earnest Islamic convert), you’ll have a great time. Also airs at 6:15 PM.
Wednesday 6/5/13
12:15 PM Showtime Extreme
Age of Heroes (2011 GB): It sounds like it should be a video game, and frankly it might have been a bit better if it were. This Brit war flick relates the story of 30 Commando, an elite unit created in 1942 at the behest of James Bond author Ian Fleming (who spent the Second World War in Naval Intelligence, and is played here by James D’Arcy). Sean Bean headlines as Major Jack Jones, a talented supper club singer – er, sorry, officer in charge of the usual assortment of ne’er do wells and stockade dwellers – sent on a mission impossible along the Norwegian coast to steal the secrets of the Third Reich’s latest radar equipment. There’s material here for a good film, but writer-director Adrian Vitoria doesn’t seem capable (or interested) in thinking outside the box, and the dramatic developments are predictable at best. Still, Bean is always decent in a gruff sort of way, and if you’re in the mood for an old-fashioned war movie you could do worse.
Thursday 6/6/13
3:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Attack on the Iron Coast (1968 GB-USA): Did I say you could do worse? By happy (?) coincidence, here’s another tale of World War II commando raids, this one involving Canadian troops making a lightning assault on Nazi installations in France. This shot in Britain feature is headlined by Lloyd Bridges as Jamie Wilson, the (fictional) officer in charge of the daring (non-fictional) 1942 St. Nazaire raid that put Hitler on notice that the cakewalk was over. Butting heads with colleague Captain Franklin (Andrew Keir, fresh off Five Million Years to Earth), Wilson must pull together the usual rag-tag collection of soldiers and pull off yet another mission, impossible. Featuring some of the least impressive miniature work ever to grace a major studio picture, Attack on the Iron Coast co-stars once and future Bond villain Walter Gotell as a mendacious German officer.
10:30 PM The Movie Channel
Children of the Corn IV (1996 USA): Sorry, this seems to be one of those "lowest common denominator" weeks where I write about a bunch of inferior films that are of peripheral interest to most, but of intense interest to the obsessed. And why, you might well ask, am I obsessed with Children of the Corn IV? Well, perhaps because it’s an entry in one of the absolute worst horror series ever and is also one of the worst (and that’s saying a lot) Stephen King adaptations of All Time. Now I’ll grant you: the first Children of the Corn was a reasonably effective chiller, with those creepy farm kids exuding above average Village of the Damned vibes, but all of the sequels have been bad to terrible. So why has there been an apparently insatiable demand for COTC sequels? I have no idea, but for whatever reason the series now stands at eight, with the most recent entry coming a mere two years ago. I can’t wait for Children of the Corn: Monsanto’s Revenge, which surely must be just around the corner. As for this feature, it’s also known as Children of the Corn: The Gathering, and is really, really bad. If you’re a glutton for punishment, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998) follows at midnight.
Saturday 6/8/13
6:45 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Thief of Paris (1967 FRA): Last time I recommended this film it was 2002, and I actually hadn’t seen it yet. Now it’s back, and what few memories I can glean from that far-off viewing 11 years ago are, well, not terribly instructive. Directed by Louis Malle and written by Jean-Claude Carriere (who’s worked with everyone from Luis Bunuel to Pierre Etaix and is still working today), The Thief of Paris stars the great Jean-Paul Belmondo as Georges Randal, a turn of the 20th century gentleman burglar preying upon well-to-do Parisians. I seem to recall enjoying it (I gave it a 6 on IMDb) and will be giving it another look this evening.
Sunday 6/9/13
1:00 AM Fox Movie Channel
The Sicilian Clan (1969 FRA): This superior caper film stars Jean Gabin, the grand old man of French cinema, as a manipulative gangster and handsome young heartthrob Alain Delon (don't we ALL wish we could have his hair?) as the target of Gabin's ire. The two are working together on the same jewelry heist, but each is convinced he can get the better of his co-conspirator whilst also pulling the wool over the eyes of Inspector Le Goff (Lino Ventura). Superbly directed by Henri Verneuil and featuring a predictably excellent Ennio Morricone score, The Sicilian Clan is still maddeningly and mysteriously unavailable on Region 1 DVD; happily, this Fox screening will be in widescreen, which is the only way to see the film.
7:00 AM Flix
A Brooklyn State of Mind (1998 USA): Gangster movie enthusiasts will get decent mileage from this solid if unspectacular genre entry written and directed by Frank Rainone. Nicely shot on location, the film is burdened by its not entirely convincing leads (Vincent Spano and Rick ‘Son of Danny’ Aiello) as local boys sucked into the mafia underworld, but blessed by a very fine supporting cast including Danny "Dad of Rick" Aiello, Tony Danza, and nonagenarian Abe Vigoda (soon to be seen in the forthcoming Mobster Movie).
11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Kapo (1959 ITA-FRA-YUG): This early film by Gillo Pontecorvo, the brilliant Italian director responsible for the urban warfare classic Battle of Algiers (1963), stars 21-year-old Susan Strasberg as a teenaged concentration camp inmate who gains a new, non-Jewish identity after a fellow female prisoner succumbs to illness. This apparent good luck is soon revealed to be a very cruel gift, as the young woman then witnesses the murder of her family by camp guards. One of the first fictional films to visualize the horrors of the camp system, Kapo’s impact is lessened somewhat by an unnecessary romantic subplot between Strasberg and co-star Laurent Terzieff, but also includes well-edited documentary footage that lends the story an extra dose of verisimilitude. Filmed outside Belgrade, Yugoslavia, Kapo also features the film debut of Eurotrash regular Gianni Garko as a German soldier, and was nominated in 1961 for the Best Foreign Film Academy Award...three years prior to actually appearing in American cinemas.
Monday 6/10/13
Midnight Fox Movie Channel
The Secret Diary of Sigmund Freud (1984 YUG-USA): It’s not terribly good, but you’ve got to give the producers of this rarely seen comedy (which isn’t particularly funny) credit. They went out of their way to assemble an amazing cast, including Harold and Maude star Bud Cort as the great Austrian psychoanalyst, Carol Kane as Sigmund’s wife Martha, Carroll Baker as his doting mama, Klaus Kinski as a (fictional) colleague, and Ferdy Mayne and Dick Shawn as patients. It’s a crime the film isn’t better than it is, but that’s a truly remarkable collection of acting talent.
6:00 PM HBO
Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer (2013 RUS-GB): Few news stories were quite as subversively invigorating as that surrounding Pussy Riot’s infamous February 2012 performance in a Moscow cathedral, which led to the show trial, sentencing and imprisonment of three of the punk band’s members. This outstanding new documentary, which premiered at Sundance earlier this year and took home the festival’s Special Jury Prize, tells the story in full. Also airs at 9:00 PM.
6:45 PM Turner Classic Movies
Chain Lightning (1950 USA): Eleanor Parker’s back and Bogie’s got her in this decent Warner Bros drama. Bogart plays Matt Brennan, an air force test pilot looking to cozy up with wartime flame Joan Holloway (Parker), now working for aviation industrialist Leland Willis (Raymond Massey). His plan: fly Willis’ experimental jet from Alaska to Washington, convince the US Air Force of its efficacy, and win the heart of his lady love in the process. Only problem: the plane doesn’t have an ejector seat, and Matt may be signing his death penalty by piloting it. Produced in 1949 but left in the can for a year, this is far from Bogie’s best but still worth a look, and Massey is as good as usual.