This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for May 23-27, 2013
By Curt David
May 24, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com

I wonder why no one takes me seriously.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Heather Graham in Lost in Space”), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 5%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of May 24th, the new movies in wide release are Epic, Fast & Furious 6, and The Hangover Part III.


EpicFast & Furious 6The Hangover Part IIIWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleGreat title! Not sure what the movie is about Ah yes, the sixth Fast & FuriousAh yes, the third HangoverFast & Furious and the Hangover III will split the point for most recognizable title
Best Genre
and Rating		Animation
Rated PG for mild action, some scary images, and brief rude language		Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action and mayhem throughout, some sexuality, and language		Comedy
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence		Sweet nectar of the gods! Three different movies and three different genres. I love it. 1/3 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)		A girl shrinks her size
Joins battle of leaf fairies
Funny slug sidekicks		Bad guys drive fast cars
F and F crew recruited
Crazy fast car stunts		Back in Las Vegas
Three friends have another night
Of raunch, danger, fun		Battle of leaf fairies. You don’t hear that plot every day. Point for Epic.
Best TrailerPROS: Lots of famous voices, epic forest battle, for the whole family
CONS: No cons if you like this type of movie		PROS: Has great car stunts (and planes and tanks), Michelle Rodriguez is back
CONS: No cons if you like this type of movie		PROS: THE FUNNIEST TRAILER I HAVE EVER WATCHED (giraffe scene)
CONS: No cons if you like this type of movie		That giraffe scene. I laughed so hard all 20 times I watched the trailer. Point for Hangover III.
Coolest Lead ActorThe voice of Amanda Seyfried from Les Miserables, Mamma Mia!, and Dear JohnVin Diesel and Paul Walker from some of the other Fast & Furious movies. Bradley Cooper from Silver Linings Playbook, Limitless, and Alias. Silver Linings Playbook is my favorite movie. Alias is my favorite TV show. Hence, B-Coop gets point for coolest actor.
Best CastThe voices of Aziz Ansari, Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson, Beyonce, Pitbull, Jason Sudeikis, Christoph Waltz, and Steven TylerDwayne Johnson (The Scorpion King), Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar), and LudacrisEd Helms (The Office), Zach Galifianakis (Due Date), Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids), and Heather Graham (Austin Powers II) Three impressive casts. Each will get an impressive 1/3 point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Chris Wedge also directed Robots and Ice Age Director Justin Lin also directed three other Fast & Furious films. Writer and Director Todd Phillips also wrote and directed Old School, Starsky & Hutch, and the other Hangovers. Each director knows how to make their kind of movie. A final 1/3 point each.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Hangover Part III scores 3 and 1/2 points, Epic scores 2 points, and Fast & Furious 6 scores 1 and 1/2 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you watched Fast 5 on opening weekend, by all means watch the sixth movie this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper The Hangover Part III is the best movie to watch this weekend (unless you prefer the genre of one of the other movies).
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. All three taglines this week were weak (“Discover a world beyond your imagination” and “It all ends”), but Fast & Furious 6 wins with a slightly more clever tagline “All roads lead to this.”
Conclusion 3: I regret not making Epic win this whole column, because Director Chris Wedge is the voice of Scrat from the Ice Age movies!!!