This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for April 19-21, 2013
By Curt David
April 19, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.
For the weekend of April 19th, the only new movie in wide release is Oblivion. Automatic winner. Wait! The Place Beyond the Pines is expanding in smaller wide-ish release. Let’s make this column more interesting and have the films face off with one another.
| Oblivion | The Place Beyond the Pines | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | This sounds like a one-word action film. | This sounds like a multi-word dramatic film. | Both descriptive, but vague, movies will split the point for clearest title. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Action/Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence, brief strong language, and some sensuality. | Crime/Drama
Rated R for language throughout, some violence, teen alcohol and drug use, and a sexual reference. | Two different genres! Two different ratings! Another point I’m happy to split. |
| Best Plot (in haiku form) | Humans have left Earth Government sends back one man He discovers truth | There’s a stunt biker Robs banks to support his son Police after him | Sci-Fi plots usually trump drama plots, which is the case today. Point Oblivion. |
| Best Trailer | PROS: nice CGI, action, and a fun futuristic setting CONS: hasn’t the “man finds out who he is really working for” plot been done before? | PROS: Good looking cast, dramatic, looks a little gritty CONS: hasn’t the “guy does bad things to support his struggling family” plot been done before? | Neither trailer knocked me off my chair, but Oblivion’s trailer didn’t put me to sleep. Another point Oblivion. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Tom Cruise from Top Gun, Mission Impossible, and Jerry Maguire. | Ryan Gosling from Crazy Stupid Love, The Notebook, and Young Hercules. | This next sentence might anger millions of people, but Tom Cruise is the coolest actor this week. |
| Best Cast | Morgan Freeman (The Shawshank Redemption) and Melissa Leo (The Fighter) | Eva Mendes (Hitch), Bradley Cooper (Silver Linings Playbook), and Ray Liotta (Goodfellas) | But no one is as cool as B-Coop. Automatic point for The Pines. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writer and Director Joseph Kosinski also directed Tron: Legacy. | Writer and Director Derek Cianfrance also wrote and directed Blue Valentine. | Both directors seem to be starting out...so I’ll give each of them a half point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Oblivion scores 4 and 1/2 points (and a gold star) and The Place Beyond the Pines scores 2 and 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like well-reviewed art house movies, feel free to watch The Place Beyond the Pines. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, and even with an added film to compete against it, Oblivion is still the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Only one movie had a tagline, so Oblivion’s, “Earth is a memory worth fighting for” will win the gold star.
Conclusion 3: It’s tough to find a poorly reviewed Michelle Pfeiffer movie. How did she not win an Oscar yet? And how did she lose the 1993 MTV movie award for Most Desirable Female when she was Catwoman in Batman Returns?