Survivor: Caramoan - Episode 9
Cut Off the Head of the Snake
By Ben Willoughby
April 11, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
We don’t get any footage of the castaways arriving back at camp after the vote, but instead lots of footage of monkeys at dawn. Morning also brings a whispered pep talk from Phillip to his close team – which seems to be Andrea, Dawn, Sherri and no Cochran – about how it has been 23 days and “we are going to do it." Well, one of them, anyway.
Reynold gets the first interview and he’s as irrepressibly Reynold as ever. “I look at last night as a victory." I mean, sure it blew chunks that a key person on his alliance was voted out, and with it his last chance of having any control over this game. But it was a victory that a “favorite” went home, and not him. So, lesson ignored completely.
Reynold gets talking with Eddie about how “every girl associated with us gets voted out” and the interviews about how he has nothing to lose, so he starts talking with Andrea. “What’s your strategy”? “I’m just playing day by day,” she lies before asking Reynold his. “I’m just opening the door,” is all he says. Good talk, bro!
Malcolm gets the next interview, and he is bright-siding things too. “At least now Corinne is gone no one knows about my idol” is one silver lining. That he still has the “fans” on his side is another. And of course he’s still in the game. “They thought they killed the head of the snake. They thought they killed the rebel leader. They don’t know they missed yet."
So we get some snake footage, except this time it’s a python climbing a tree with designs on eating a baby monkey. The baby monkey freaks out and runs away.
Back at the beach, we get Phillip trying to build a relationship with Sherri. “The first time I saw you on the beach, I thought ‘damn, she’s hot!’” is Phillip’s opener. Has he been getting dating advice from Eddie? Anyway, Sherri is totally uninterested, and she changes the subject. “Has Mike talked to you?” “No, he knows it’s over.”
Phillip gives one of his blustering interviews about how the game works in his mind, which is him telling people what to do, and people either doing it or paying the price. He formally inducts Sherri into Stealth R Us, and gives her the name Tenacity, “if you’ll accept it." She absolutely does, and he informs her that she must be loyal and trustworthy.
In interview, Sherri moans about her situation, because not only does she have to play Survivor, she also has to play the Specialist game. “Fake organizations, secret alliances, it’s crazy. They’re all crazy out here." Okay, so the people who lost the vote are optimistic and claiming victory, while the people on the winning side are all “this is the worst ever."
Anyway, Sherri continues that “I am wholeheartedly with the ‘favorites’” and “Phillip is the Shamar on this tribe." But wait, wasn’t Shamar her Phillip? And now Phillip is her Shamar? This logic confuses me. “You give me two votes and it will be me calling the shots with Phillip. He’ll be coming to me asking what I think.” What is that thing on her arm? It looks like a tattoo but it wasn’t there at the beginning of the season. Were temporary tattoos her luxury item?
Immediate cut to a reward challenge, and a Probst sighting.
No chit-chat this week, it’s straight into the rules. The tribe will split into two teams of five, with one person sitting out. There’s a goal on the middle of a lagoon, with a small platform on a pole in front of it. The teams will each pick someone to hang out in the lagoon, and they will take turns to stand on the platform and defend the goal, while someone from the other team tries to throws the ball into the net while jumping into the lagoon. First team to score four goals wins.
The reward is nothing special – they get to rappel down a waterfall and then have a picnic lunch. No one cares about the rappelling and the picnic lunch gets a polite clap suitable for a golf tournament. In England. In the 1920s. If these contestants were really interested in stuff like rappelling, they’d have auditioned for The Amazing Race.
The two teams are orange, with Michael defending and Eddie, Reynold, Cochran and Erik throwing, and purple, with Malcolm defending and Dawn, Brenda, Andrea and Phillip shooting. Sherri was not selected, so no reward for her.
Eddie from orange goes first, but he just throws it straight at Malcolm’s knees. It is caught easily. Brenda is next, and she tosses it over Michael’s head and gets it in the goal. This sets the tone for the next couple of rounds, with Erik “goes high... and scores” and Andrea “goes high... and scores." Even Probst gets bored with this commentary.
Reynold, ace throwing champion, is next – and he is “just short." He looks disbelieving. “Oh no, my one weakness, throwing stuff while jumping into a lagoon!” Dawn hits the frame, and Cochran scores another goal for the purple team. I’m pretty sure it’s because Cochran went shirt off and Malcolm was dazzled by his blindingly white torso. Scores are level 2-2. Cochran plays it up with some gorilla noises as he goes back to high-five his team. Easy with the bro stuff there Cochran.
Phillip and Eddie both score – Phillip stutter steps - so it’s up to Brenda to win for her team. After some trademark cheerleading poses, she shoots, but it bounces off the edge of the frame. Erik is next, and Phillip tries to psych him out by claiming going sneaker-less is a mistake, but to no avail. Michael, Eddie, Reynold, Erik and Cochran win reward, and are going to have some awkward male bonding. Maybe Cochran has impressed them all with his gorilla whoops?
After the break, we see the reward winners about to rappel down the waterfall. Cochran says that “I rarely leave the apartment, I rarely leave Twitter." “Please follow @JohnMCochran,” he might as well say. He is ahead of fellow Survivor nerd Rob Cesternino who has a whole website, but way, way behind Jenna Morasca.
Reynold tries to appeal to Cochran by standing behind him and saying “King of the World!” Why am I not surprised that Reynold is the only person since 1997 to find that amusing? Even when James Cameron did it in his Oscar celebration he wasn’t totally into it. But, the rappelling. Reynold mistakenly compares himself to James Bond while Cochran tries to embrace it and doesn’t quite succeed. “I loved it,” he says without any passion whatsoever.
Once they are all at the bottom of the waterfall, they all dig into their sandwiches. Cochran thanks the guys for picking him – presumably he was last picked over Sherri – and they all toast to “men” with their iced teas. In interview Reynold celebrates the “simple and pure...locker room mentality” at the reward.
Mike is the first to make a pitch, saying that the first Fans vs Favorites was dominated by women and “how cool would it be if it was dominated by guys?” Well, not these guys. Reynold proves this point by saying “Hope’s gone so there’s nobody worth [blurred mouth]ing anyways”. Like he said, nothing is so simple and pure as a men’s locker room. Cochran looks around like he’s about to be given a swirlie, but Mike presses on with talk about “Seriously Cochran, three warriors, three united votes."
Reynold seems to think this was a great pitch. He interviews “let’s take the muscle to the end. Let’s bro down, let’s get these scheming women who keep flirting with us out of here and let’s take the strong guys to the end.” Doesn’t Reynold realize that his “muscle” pitch isn’t going to have any sway with a guy who was afraid to take off his shirt in his first season? Reynold is as delusional as Phillip.
Anyway, Cochran interviews that Reynold, Eddie and Michael aren’t very good at seeing the obvious. He says “emphasizing the testosterone and unity between us, you know, 'we’re men, we’re men and we hate women, and we’re going to snap each others’ towels in the locker room and chug beers.' That doesn’t work with me, that doesn’t appeal to me at all.” Cochran’s probably having flashbacks to all the atomic wedgies he got in junior high. “I won’t be engaging in any sort of masculine tomfoolery with these numbskulls,” he declares. I see his point, but I also see why he was so disliked in high school.
Back at camp, Malcolm is ambivalent about having lost the challenge because he’s with the people he needs to be around anyway. His logic is that he, Sherri and Dawn are at the bottom of their alliance, so they’d be the easiest to flip over to his side. No Brenda? Does everyone think she’s some Survivor fan-girl who just turned up on the beach and likes hanging out? No one actually remembers the Nicaragua season, so this is a plausible scenario.
Anyway, Malcolm approaches Sherri first. “We’re on the bottom. Best case if we stay is eighth and seventh for us.” He spells out a plan where they can control things if they have five votes, because the alliance will split the vote between Eddie and Reynold. “The ‘favorites’ think they have eight people,” he interviews. Do they really think that? Did they not count the votes last episode and realize that he voted with Corinne? For Sherri? Does he think that Erik – who he knows voted with Stealth R Us – didn’t tell them that Malcolm is not with them?
Malcolm then makes the same pitch to Dawn. “If we’re going to do something, it has to be now." “Yeah, but how?” “There’s six people, if you’re in.” Dawn is rubbing her face, which is exactly what she did last week when talking with Corinne. You know the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry explains that the higher up the face you scratch the bigger the lie? Dawn is on her upper lip. Why do people think she’s telling them the truth?
Anyway, Dawn interviews that Malcolm’s “gonna be a problem." “Let me talk to Sherri... and then talk to you” she tells him. “It would be great if I could give him the impression I was voting with him, and then we could just take him out” she interviews. So Sherri is already filling Andrea in on her chat with Malcolm, when Dawn comes up to do the same. Andrea quickly concocts a plan. “I think we tell him we are splitting the vote, we make him think that he’s pulling this great blind-side." Sherri and Dawn will go along with it, and they’ll vote Malcolm out. Good plan.
Phillip is informed, though it looked like he may have been there when Sherri was spilling. “Malcolm has been playing double duty... He’s been trying to play me as if he’s still part of the core alliance. Me, the Specialist,” he snorts. So we see him telling Malcolm about the plan to split the vote between Reynold and Eddie. This can’t be so simple can it? We’re only 20 minutes into the show.
After the break, we have soft music as we see Eddie and Andrea swimming in the lagoon. “Eddie’s really hot,” she interviews, obviously not having spoken with him much yet. “So, maybe we’re dating. I dunno, is this island dating?” That was a date? I think in real life, Andrea might be a Stage 5 Clinger. But she says the more she plays Eddie, the more likely he’ll vote for her at Final Tribal or give her information.
But Eddie’s overtures may also be part gameplay, because he says he will do whatever he needs to do, including voting the way Andrea says. Andrea considers this, while he pushes. Eddie wants to know what happens to Andrea after the fans are voted out and says that he could be an asset to her. “But you won’t vote against Reynold and you won’t vote against Malcolm.” “If I have to.” In interview, Eddie says that he needs someone to drag him along for a couple of weeks before he “can get up on my own feet and start punching people."
Andrea isn’t going to believe him so easily. She asks Eddie if he knows about any idols that might be floating around, but he lies that he doesn’t. I don’t think she believes him, but she says that if he passes her any info about idols or votes or Malcolm, she can guarantee that he won’t be next.
In interview, Andrea really seems as though she likes him, because her comment “I don’t know who goes out here and actually falls for someone. That’s really rare,” seems to be about her feelings, not Eddie’s. She’s trying to tell if he’s playing her. “I am indirectly hitting on you,” clarifies Eddie. “Couldn’t tell,” says Andrea. Ah, Survivor show-mance.
Probst sighting! Immunity challenge! Probst says that the trick to winning this challenge will be “not panicking." This challenge takes place in the water, where the castaways have to hang onto some monkey bars that are about six inches above the water level. Easy, right? Except the tide is coming in and they’ll run out of breathing room. Whoever lasts longest has a “one in ten” shot of winning Survivor, Probst claims, even though we all know several of them have no chance.
Probst demands the necklace from Cochran, and then the challenge begins. There’s some grumbling, but Malcolm explains that they’d be doing the same thing back at camp anyway. The tide is coming in at about an inch every ten minutes, so after about an hour everyone has their faces pressed through the bars and Probst is trying to psych people out. “Come on guys! I have margaritas waiting for me back at the hotel!”
Phillip is out first, then Sherri, then Erik. Dawn gets a snout full of water and she is out too. Everyone left is making snorkels with their hands.
Malcolm is next, then Mike, leaving Brenda, Cochran, Eddie, Reynold and Andrea in the challenge. Is it wrong that out of those five I want Cochran to win? But Eddie is out, then Reynold and Cochran quit simultaneously. Dawn and Sherri are excited that it’s “one of the girls” who will win. Brenda is steady, and Andrea goes under, sticks her head up for air to come back... and then she’s out. Brenda wins immunity!
Brenda is totally underwater at this point, so Probst has to get one of the others to let her know. I wonder if she’ll say anything? And everyone cheers, which is nice. That’s something I like about the returning player seasons – everyone’s generally happy enough for whoever wins immunity.
Back at camp, everyone high fives the still silent Brenda, who doesn’t get an interview about what it feels like to win immunity or anything. Is she on some kind of time out?
Anyway, Malcolm interviews that this next vote has to be the turning point for him – otherwise the fans will be voted out and he’ll be stuck on the bottom with no one wanting to ally with him. Andrea informs him how the “vote” is going down – it will be the four girls voting for Reynold and the four guys for Eddie, with Reynold no matter what on the re-vote. Malcolm thinks that she trusts him and does not suspect a thing.
Andrea interviews with some admiration that “Malcolm’s a good liar," but she’s amused at the dynamic that he’s lying to her, and she’s lying to him. Meanwhile “Dawn is really working it. She’s the MVP. I don’t know where this Dawn came from.”
Malcolm tells Dawn his plan is to vote for Andrea. All of Dawn’s fingers are up at her eyes by this point, but she plays along. Malcolm interviews that whatever Phillip is, he isn’t running things and he wants to “kill the person running the show." Does he mean Probst? We all saw how quickly Probst backed away quickly from Dawson last season, so I really don’t think Malcolm has much chance of getting closer. Malcolm finishes his thought: “Which is Andrea.” Oh. Oh well.
“Reynold has an idol,” he tells her and Dawn responds “show me and I’ll believe you." Nice one, Dawn. “But I’m never going to be able to look anyone in the eye again.” Dawn thinks it is nuts that Malcolm is still trusting her, after Corinne told Dawn all of her plans last week and Dawn voted against her – though we didn’t see Corinne tell anyone about her convo with Dawn, so that might explain it.
So Malcolm goes to Reynold and convinces him to show Dawn the idol. He says that the majority plan is to split the vote between Eddie and Reynold, but reassures Reynold that no idol has to be played tonight, and that they’re voting for Andrea.
Then we see Reynold approach Dawn right in the middle of camp with his bag. Nothing shady about that at all. He shows her the idol, and then says “if you don’t follow through, I go home tonight so don’t screw me” and “If I have reason to doubt you, I’m gonna play it for myself tonight." Immediate cut to a Dawn interview about how she “can’t stand people that intimidate other people.” But he showed her the idol. “Shame on you, you shouldn’t have shown me your idol. Malcolm, shame on you, you shouldn’t have brought me in,” Dawn tut-tuts.
Reynold tells Mike that he showed Dawn his idol, so now it seems like everyone knows about Reynold’s secret idol. Then Eddie decides that he’s going to talk with Andrea. Reynold tries to dissuade him because “she changes her mind every five minutes, she promises you the world, she’s dangerous, dude,” which is his first accurate read on someone we’ve seen this episode. Maybe this is some impostor Reynold? Then he reassures Eddie that Cochran will warm up to them after Andrea is gone and “we can just bro down with the guys to the end." No, it’s Reynold.
Anyway, Eddie’s interrogation of Andrea starts about as poorly as you can expect. “Malcolm thinks you’re splitting the votes tonight." “Maybe,” says Andrea, not saying “so, you heard this from Malcolm?” She says she’s not saying who she’s voting for but it’s not him. “But who are you voting for? Is it Mike? Can you tell me and I’ll vote that way.” Andrea won’t say.
“Tell me if it’s Mike or Malcolm,” urges Eddie. “I can’t tell you,” and then Andrea remembers to put in a why-would-it-be-Malcolm face. “It’s not Malcolm.” “Is it Reynold?” because Eddie doesn’t want to lose Reynold, as if Andrea should care about that. “Can you just trust me?” Andrea asks. “If Reynold plays his idol, I go home," Eddie insists. “Is he going to play the idol?” “I don’t know.” “Does he have an idol?” “Somebody here does.” “You said you know he doesn’t have an idol.” “I don’t know any more.” Eddie is petulant. Andrea puts the numbers together and suggests that it could be her next. “It could be you," a frustrated Eddie says a little aggressively. “If my name comes up, let me know.” “It’s been talked about,” says Eddie, the big doofus.
This news completely blind-sides Andrea. In interview, she is holding back tears because Malcolm is targeting her! Why her? She’s clearly flustered, and it’s a shame to see someone who we have seen so cool and collected when things have shifted out of her favor go to pieces when there’s a suggestion that she’s going home.
Her first contact is Cochran. “I might be going home tonight.” “Okay, then what are we changing?” Andrea wants to play it safe and vote for Michael, and Cochran gives a dismissive interview about Andrea changing her mind and wanting to go with the safe vote.
Phillip is next, then Dawn. “All the work I did today is going to be down the drain. I promise you, Malcolm does not have the idol.” Dawn tries to soothe Andrea. “You’re worried because Eddie got involved and made you think you were going home. I had someone show me an idol to prove that we were safe. I feel like my whole game is lost now.” And it’s Andrea’s turn to calm Dawn down. “I can change it,” says Andrea.
Tribal Council. Michael gets the first question from Probst, about whether he had a glimmer of hope because it wasn’t a fan who went home last week. He responds in the affirmative, and then says he’s an available vote if anyone wants to use him. Erik makes his one contribution this Tribal Council by picking a bug out of Andrea’s hair. No, seriously.
Meanwhile, Phillip has a recruitment announcement to make. Stealth R Us has a new member, Tenacity, who you all know as Sherri. Everyone is face-palming or making “we’re all just playing along” eyes at Probst, while Phillip goes on about how the agent formerly known as Sherri has earned her name by holding on in this game. Sherri defends herself by pointing out correctly that all the other “fans” voted for her last week. Yeah, that always flies. “Payback’s a bitch,” she says. Eddie splutters that he would “rather play my own game than be someone else’s puppet!” Pretty brave card for you to play, Eddie.
Anyway, according to Reynold, it is eight operatives versus three New Kids on the Block, which has to be the lamest underdog boast of all time. I’m disappointed that he doesn't reference Hangin’ Tough or You Got It (The Right Stuff), but between this, King of the World and the pocketful of kryptonite way back in the second episode, I think Reynold’s familiarity with pop culture ended in the late '90s.
Probst reassures Reynold that things could change and an idol could flip this game. But Phillip puts on the thumbscrews, saying that from his experience in past seasons, “if we think you have an idol, you will be voted for." Michael claims to not care, he is ready to play with someone ready to play, especially now that the alliance of eight has already started to break down.
But Phillip says he expected this to happen, but he learned from seasons past that the coalition that sticks together gets to the end together. Before breaking down completely, he doesn’t add.
Probst refers to Phillip’s comment to Andrea, paraphrasing it as “yeah, we can all stick together but we can’t all go to the end." Andrea says it’s exactly the dilemma, and if you have a sense that you’re on the bottom, it’s an opportunity to flip. She goes on further about how flipping would totally change the game. Malcolm is considering this closely.
Phillip is still claiming savancy, and that he “fully expected this to happen” and it is too early for someone makes their move now because the numbers would still be against them. “What you thought was a brave move, you’re gonna get flushed out, goodbye." Malcolm raises his eyebrows and sighs. While I am mocking Phillip, this is a pretty effective tough guy performance.
It is. Time to vote. We only see Malcolm’s vote for Reynold. After Phillip’s speech, he explains, he doesn’t know what’s happening. Neither do I.
Anyway, Probst collects the votes for “tallying” and asks if anyone wants to play their hidden immunity idol. Reynold stands up and is walking over the deliver it, when Malcolm says, “Hold up, Reynold. They all voted for me. You can tell. That whole story was about me. Give it to me, we’re in good shape. I’m being dead serious right now." Reynold, who probably hasn’t made a good tactical decision all game, tosses the idol to Malcolm. Malcolm plays it, and any votes cast for Malcolm do not count.
Andrea, Andrea, Andrea. Reynold. Malcolm looks worried, probably because it is his vote for Reynold. Then Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael and the tenth person voted out, and the first member of the jury is Michael. First member of the jury? I completely missed last week that Corinne isn’t on the jury. That ought to make a few people breathe easier.
“You turkeys,” says Michael before blowing them a raspberry while giving them the finger. Yeah, pretty much.
So, it looked like Andrea’s panic attack and playing it safe worked out for her alliance. Had they voted for Malcolm as planned he would have played the idol for himself and Andrea would be going home. Of course, I wonder if Phillip would have been so bombastic if they were planning on voting for Malcolm. Eh, probably. Anyway, the streak of good tribal councils extends to two.
And the best move of the night was also the most pointless. Great play by Malcolm, who probably has his own idol right there in his back pocket, to realize that Reynold was going to play it, demand it for himself and get it within ten seconds. It easily beats Boston Rob’s “give me the idol and I’ll trust you” for the greatest idol power play of all time.
However, neither Dawn or Sherri went with him, the idol was wasted and Malcolm’s days are looking more and more numbered, especially with no reason for Stealth R Us to keep him in the game longer than Eddie or Reynold. I expect next week we will see Phillip stripping imaginary Stealth R Us insignia and medals from Malcolm’s shoulders. Sorry, Malcolm, but I look forward to seeing you in a third season of Survivor. But sooner than that, I look forward to Reynold’s interview about what a triumph this Tribal Council was.
Next time on Survivor, everyone is concerned by the weird bawling noises Dawn is making. Probst promises that someone is going to break. Does this mean it’s not Dawn? Phillip’s assessment is that Dawn is acting like a lunatic, which is like the nose snot laughing at the eye snot.
Anyway, Mike’s farewell speech describes his Survivor experience as long, strange, weird and difficult. He congratulates the “favorites”, saying they are great players and playing hard. So long, Michael. At least Corinne will have her gay to sit next to at the reunion.