The Amazing Race 22: Episode 7
The Amazing Race 22: Episode 7
By Daron Aldridge
April 1, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Well, it looks like this leg will remain in Africa, which means that an airport won’t be a time factor (but something else surely will) and there will be plenty of opportunity for racers like Katie to badmouth how these tribes live.
Leaders Bates & Anthony rip into their first clue at 5:39 a.m. and must drive themselves to Boro Village for their next clue. The boys point out their apprehension that this is the first time that they have no one to follow, so they are a bit nervous about that. On the other hand, the unfoundedly arrogant Pam & Winnie leave 30 minutes later and declare that they love being separated from the pack and that the show should only focus on them. If that was the direction the producers went, then they would lose at least one viewer permanently...this guy.
A few minutes later, the team that is in over their mulleted heads leaves the mat for Boro Village. Of course, Wynona is already complaining about running to the car. With all the teams out of the Pit Stop within an hour or so from first to last, the issues start immediately. Notably, Bates & Anthony are slow-going and extremely hesitant for fear they would head in the wrong direction and Max & Katie are lost trying to find their car at all. Plus, Wynona complains that Africa has a smell about it that she compared to a “big bowl of dung.” Admittedly, I rewatched this clip of hers five times and it was either “dung” or “funk” or “dump.” Regardless, she wasn’t enamored and decided to compare the entire continent to an unpleasant aroma. Stay classy, Alabama.
No sooner do Caroline & Jen express appreciation for how God has blessed them in their lives then...WHAM!...they are stopped for speeding. Unable to sweet talk her way out of a ticket for going 96 kmph in a 60 kmph zone, the girls now have to report to the police station that day and pay the approximately $100 ticket. Like that, the singers have created their own little Speed Bump.
Speaking of teams with pending Speed Bumps, Max & Katie are still lost. Imagine the last time you were wandering aimlessly around the mall parking lot trying to remember where you parked during the busy holiday season. Now imagine that your shopping companion’s shrill voice isn’t helping matters by belittling you for not being able to find the car. You MIGHT have an idea of the reality in which Max is living right now. They finally find it but that doesn’t mean Katie will let it go. Last week, I gave these guys credit for not fighting and therefore actually doing well on a couple of legs. Well, old habits die hard and it’s easy to slip back into your bickering ways.
Bates & Anthony are the first ones at Boro Village and see what’s in store for them. It’s decision time between Road Block and Fast Forward. With a slight time lead, they decide to check out the Fast Forward, which is at the same location. The producers didn’t mess around with this one either.
For the Fast Forward, both team members have to water ski one mile in a river that is known to be populated by crocodiles. Yes, you read that correctly. Now, would the producers really let someone die in a challenge? Of course not. So while the threat of being a croc lunch isn’t very real, the fear of such a fate on the face of Bates is very real. His brother convinces him to give it a chance. I am not feeling good about this. My prediction/fear is that they will attempt it a few times with no success and have to backtrack to the Road Block too late. Please prove me wrong, guys.
After Bates gets the not-quite-reassuring crocodile assessment from their guide (“We checked last night. You’re fine.”), the boys are in the cold murky waters of Botswana hoping to not relive a scene from the movie ‘Lake Placid.’ Bates wobbles quite a bit in the beginning but composes himself and they are off on their mile-long water skiing trek.
Meanwhile, Pam & Winnie are at the clue but Pam’s giddy reaction to a Fast Forward is squashed by the reality that whoever is in front of them is probably attempting it. So they rip into the Road Block, which asks the questions, “Who wants to go up a creek without a paddle?”
For the task, one person has to maneuver a dugout canoe downstream using a pole, drop off two goats in a pen and then return to the starting point. Winnie accepts the challenge, but the other teammate goes along in the canoe to hold the goats. Pam has the worst part of the task by default as the goats proceed to pee all over her legs. There is no way this is not funny to me.
Having avoided the digestive system of a crocodile and staying upright on skis for a mile, Bates & Anthony are given their Fast Forward. Thank you for proving me wrong, Team Slapshot. The guys are now being taken to a water taxi that will deliver them to the Pit Stop at Royal Tree Lodge.
Having gone waaaaayy out of their way to pay a speeding ticket, Caroline & Jen get dealt another blow with the news that they don’t take American currency and the girls must find a place to do an exchange now. Let that be a lesson, kids: Always observe the posted speed limits.
Chuck & Wynona are at the Road Block and Wynona goes for it with the utmost trepidation. After wrangling up two goats, Wynona shoves off from the shore and the complaints come pouring out. Fortunately for her, Winnie is having a devil of a time fighting the current in their canoe. It looks like it’s going to be a long morning on the river for teams. At the clue box, Beth assumes Road Block duties for the Sock ‘er Moms.
Meanwhile, Joey & Meghan are lost and driving into a wooded area but are at least enjoying themselves. Such is not the case for Team Cape Fear. As they are 10 kilometers from the destination, Max’s cheerleading attempt of “We’re doing good,” is met with smugness from Katie, who corrects him with “I believe the correct term is ‘doing well.’” Remember, she has her PhD, so it must be alright to be an incorrigible know-it-all in all things Max does wrong.
In town, Caroline & Jen are still learning the ins and outs of the Botswana municipal system and unfortunately, Caroline can’t leave the police station to exchange money and Jen must stay with her too. So, Jen asks the guy who gave her directions to a currency exchange place to actually go do the exchange. Yes, she gives a complete stranger in a foreign country $100 to exchange into pula and then trust that he will come back. Since the fellow’s face isn’t blurred out, he likely does return to give the girls their money and to sign all the necessary consent forms of the Amazing Race producers.
Well, don’t worry, Caroline & Jen, you are about to get company. The insufferable duo of Max & Katie has experienced a similar speed trap fate. Katie, of course, proceeds to emasculate Max by pointing out that “he’s supposed to be the man but he can’t find the parked car and now gets a speeding ticket.” Since she is so smart, I wonder if she realizes that the Race is only a few weeks of their life but they vowed to be husband and wife for much longer. Max again plays the optimist and points out that they at least have the correct currency to pay the ticket but Katie is quick with pointing out “Yeah, but this was avoidable.”
Luckily, the girls’ Good Samaritan returns with pula in hand and Caroline & Jen are back in the Race, oblivious to the fact that they aren’t in last place as they presume they are.
Cut to Bates & Anthony strolling down the river to the Pit Stop and sunning themselves on the boat. And being the ham that he is, Bates proceeds to jokingly (I hope) mug and pose for the camera. These guys have been self-effacing enough on the Race for this to be a display of faux arrogance and not Katie-esque arrogance.
Winnie has finally arrived at the goat drop off, which means this Road Block is quite time-consuming even without any real issues. Well...aside from your partner now smelling like goat urine. You know who is having issues with the canoe? The other two teams in the river. As advertised last week, Wynona can’t figure out how to steer and Beth is stuck in the reeds. While the Mullets are needling one another, the Sock ‘er Moms lose their cool with each other but quickly apologize. Surprisingly, Wynona gets it together faster than Beth and she delivers her goats first. In fact, she nearly collides with the roller derby moms on the way back to the starting point.
Cowboy Royalty is now at the Road Block and Caroline (the speeder) accepts the task. She is giddy at the prospect of selecting her goats but will likely be less giddy when dealing with the canoe. Caroline is faring way better than Beth, which Caroline credits to growing up as an outdoorsy tomboy.
Having conquered the Road Block, Pam & Winnie board the water taxi that will take them to the Royal Tree Animal Preserve for their next clue.
Cape Fear is now in line to pay their ticket and apparently, this speed trap is a major source of revenue for the town because there is a sizable line they are standing in. The battle for last appears to be coming down to the two teams who haven’t even arrived at the first clue box half way into the episode: Max & Katie and Joey & Meghan, who are still lost.
In a canoe down by the river, Caroline & Jen have snuck past the Sock ‘er Moms and Mona (the one NOT doing the Road Block) is nearing a boiling point of frustration with Beth’s inability to steer the canoe.
Amazingly, Chuck & Wynona are still in third. The follies of the other teams this leg have really benefited the Mullets. I wager that if all the teams started the Road Block at the same time; there isn’t a chance that Wynona would be any place but last. That is the nature of the Amazing Race. Even the lesser of teams can have their day when another team (or several other teams) falters.
Bates & Anthony have officially checked in as number one and are given $15,000 for their efforts. It should be noted that they are done with this leg before any of the other teams has reached the Detour.
The teams are converging on the animal preserve in waves. First, Pam & Winnie are not too far ahead of Chuck & Wynona in the safari trucks. Second, Caroline & Jen and Mona & Beth are both done with the Road Block and loading into their water taxis.
Back at the police station, in his haste to get back on the road, Max carelessly backs right into a telephone pole. Luckily for them, there is only damage to their car, so they carry on. Plus, their spirits perk up slightly with the realization that the perpetually lost Joey & Meghan are now behind them and following.
At the clue box, Cape Fear must do their Speed Bump before they can start the Road Block. The Speed Bump requires them to finish beading a ceremonial skirt and then perform a dance to the satisfaction of the locals. While they start the Speed Bump, Joey grabs the goats and loads up the canoe as the chosen one for Team YouTube.
Pam & Winnie get their Detour clue first and must decide between Brains and Brawn. Brains requires them to take a horseback safari tour, in which they will spot ten cutout animal shapes. Then they have to proceed to a camp and arrange tiles in the order they saw the “animal.” Brawn has teams load up wood in a sled and then using a carrot as bait, they must get a team of donkeys to pull the wood a half-mile to get the clue. The girls opt for Brawn. I am surprised at their choice because the phrase “stubborn as a mule” was coined for a reason and these creatures are likely going to be uncooperative for at least one team.
Chuck & Wynona, on the other hand, go with Brains. This surprises me as well but only because they admit they aren’t the smartest of teams yet they go big and choose a memory challenging task. They get off to a solid start and Chuck even properly identifies one animal as a kudu.
Cowboy Royalty and Sock ‘er Moms are following in Pam & Winnie’s footsteps over at Brawn. Their mere presence at Brawn plants the seed of doubt and anxiety for Pam & Winnie that they should switch. A few unsuccessful pulls of the reins to get their (shockingly) stubborn mules to move later and the girls bail on the task. They are now heading to Brains.
Max is enjoying the Speed Bump quite a bit more than his hyper-critical wife, but she does at least have a smile on her face for the first time this leg. With their Speed Bump complete, it’s Road Block time and Max elects to do it.
The river struggles for Joey weren’t as great as his struggles on the road but any issues are enough to narrow the time gap between them and Max & Katie, who sees Team YouTube delivering the goats.
At Brawn, the donkey sled race between Caroline & Jen and Mona & Beth is heating up. The lead of the singers hits a snag when their sled gets wedged between two trees. This is just enough of an opening for the roller moms to skate on by them. The two-team showdown at Brains is less exciting. Pretty much if you were in first at this task, you stay in first until the tile-arranging portion comes up. Wisely both teams are splitting the memorization into five each.
Team YouTube estimates they only have a five minute lead on Cape Fear following the Road Block and that MIGHT be enough time because Max & Katie don’t seem to excel under pressure. If they choose Brawn and their donkeys are uncooperative, then the newlyweds will likely melt down...or at least Katie will.
The Sock ‘er Moms are the first ones to complete the Detour and are now on foot to find Phil, which they do. With the moms in second and the singers in third a minute behind them, I have to say I am impressed. Both of these teams struggled significantly at some point on this leg (navigating the canoe for Beth and the speeding ticket delays for Caroline & Jen), yet ended up at the front of the pack. Not to discount their accomplishment here but it’s likely indicative of the lackluster skills of the remaining teams.
Chuck & Wynona work through a tricky last tile that showed a hippo with a bird on its head, yet there was no hippo tile. If they pick wrong, they have to do the entire course again. They correctly choose the one with just a bird and race off to Phil. The Mullets have survived another day and are team number four.
Still on Brains, Pam & Winnie are too busy admiring their horses and overlook the “ostrich” but convince themselves that the bird and hippo are two separate ones. We know how this is going to turn out for them – at least one more trip on horseback.
The last two teams are at the Detour and both go with Brawn. Hopefully one of them doesn’t choose the donkeys that Pam & Winnie ditched. Speaking of them, the girls receive the bad news that they are wrong. I do find it humorous that once again, a team that proclaims its intelligence as its major strength doesn’t know the difference between the silhouette of a rhino and a hippo. I suspect your average kindergartener could tell the difference.
While neck-and-neck loading up the wood, Max & Katie put some distance between them and YouTube as they get their donkeys to move quicker. Without the false sense of drama from editing, this leg could legitimately come down to any of these three teams being eliminated. The distance that was there is now gone with both teams being virtually tied and with a sense of urgency because they don’t know that Pam & Winnie are still on Brains.
Underperforming again on Brains, Pam & Winnie are denied the clue because they left out ostrich and kept the rhino tile. Oblivious to their standing, the one-time second place team is now facing elimination because they are going back to Brawn, the task that YouTube and Cape Fear have now finished.
With Joey & Meghan hitting the mat just ahead of Max & Katie, Phil delivers the news they are both still in the Race as numbers five and six. This revelation causes Katie to smile for the second time this leg.
And the team I picked to go out in the first leg of the season, Pam & Winnie, are finally eliminated. Like good sports, they choose to focus on the positive experiences they had and not the horrendous last leg.
In two weeks, the Amazing Race returns after the conclusion of March Madness with the teams exchanging sunny Africa for snowy Switzerland. Once again, Wynona struggles on a task. Basically, it's "Same ol’ stuff...different continent."
See you in two weeks.