Survivor: Caramoan - Episode 2
Honey Badger
By Ben Willoughby
February 21, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
The mood is pretty glum as the favorites return to camp. Dawn approaches Brandon and does the whole “I understand you’re upset” thing. Brandon is having none of it, claiming that making Francesca be the first person voted out twice was the harshest thing he’s ever seen in his life. It’s like he never watched any of Russell’s seasons. But he claims to be totally “honey badger”.
Dawn asks Brandon to have compassion for both sides, and Brandon informs her that she is going to lose based on her and Cochran’s move to vote for Francesca, and that’s what he’ll have compassion about. Dawn feels that Brandon was awful to her, and she has to walk away and find a spot on the beach to cry. She interviews that she tries so hard not to disrespect people, and her brain cannot process it when someone does it to her. She says that it doesn’t matter to her what Brandon thinks, but if “he treats other people like that, it’s like pollution."
It’s hard to side with Brandon over Dawn, especially with the pollution part, but based on what we’ve seen so far I think Dawn is taking this way too personally. Brandon didn’t say anything mean that we saw - and I’m assuming Survivor would have been only too happy to show us if he did. Essentially what he said was “Voting out Francesca was harsh” and “You’re going to lose because of it." Just because Brandon doesn’t want to sing “Kumbaya” with you is no reason to break down.
Now Brandon is talking with Erik, who looks amused. Brandon says he is feeling fed up and revengeful, and he is thinking of going Russell Hantz on these [expletive deleteds] right now. In interview Brandon “feels my uncle’s blood running through my body. It’s like a wave... it feels great!” Brandon decides to make camp life so miserable that it would make Uncle Russell look like a little [expletive deleted]. Like Uncle Russell needs Brandon’s help with that.
Brandon promises that he is “playing dirrrty to the core” and that “I want to go out with a bang." That’s it for the big explosion? I’ve said this before, but Next Time on Survivor, you have lied to me for the last time!
On the morning of Day 4, we wake up with the “fans”. Everyone’s working away, except for Shamar, who I was expecting to be all Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, but is instead lying down in the shelter. Shamar tells us that he is “conserving energy” and that this is a great strategy because he won’t be fighting with anyone and that if people see him not caring about the game, no one will see him as a threat. Meanwhile, at least two of the interchangeable blondes talk about voting Shamar out.
But Shamar has allies! Sherri is bringing Shamar in to make a six. Shamar seems thrilled, even though being the last one in an alliance means you’re the one everyone thinks is expendable. Sherri’s six has all the normal-looking people - Laura, Julia, Matt, and Mike as well as Shamar and Sherri herself. Sherri has big plans for Shamar – she says he is her Phillip with the bonus that she gets on with him, and she wants to keep him around. Sherri’s game advice to Shamar is to “keep talking and run your mouth... bitch about water.” Shamar is all over that.
Over on “favorites” beach, Brandon and Cochran are having an eerily quiet conversation about how Brandon is further down the totem pole than before. He admits to Cochran that he was planning on sabotaging everything, like losing beans and throwing challenges, but now he’s woken up to the fact that he’ll be seen as a quitter and he’ll lose what may be his last chance at providing for his children through mediocre celebrity-dom.
Cochran interviews that the scary thing about Brandon is that he goes through “moments of extreme rage” followed by “unbelievable pleasantness." After comparing Brandon to a sociopathic murderer, Cochran says he doesn’t want Brandon around because he’s unpredictable. Priorities! Get rid of the unpredictables first, worry about the sociopaths later.
Phillip strolls up and Brandon asks whether Phillip can trust him. Phillip acts like a computer program: “Trust or Don’t Trust? Don’t have enough data yet. Think I’m going to pause." He explains that when people start work for a company, they can’t be a CEO right away. They have to start lower, like middle-management. Middle-management, the lowest of the low! Brandon is not thrilled with the idea of middle-management, but then who is? Phillip then interviews about how Brandon is “narcistic” and he doesn’t have empathy for others.
Meanwhile, Brandon has immediately gone to tell everyone (at least, Corinne, Erik, Dawn and Brenda) else that Phillip is the biggest bully, acting like the CEO of the tribe and keeping Brandon on a need-to-know basis. It’s not all bad in middle management, Brandon. You could be stuck filling out TPS forms like your underlings. Brandon describes Phillip as “Special Agent Pink Panther” and talks about how he’s treating people like garbage and going all Boston Rob on the tribe.
Day 5. Probst sighting! “Come on in guys!”. The “fans” get their first look at the new Francesca-free tribe and they all laugh. Then Phillip drops the tribe flag, and Probst laughs in this “Oh, that is classic Phillip” way. Anyway, immunity? B.U.F.G!
Three tribe members from each tribe will race to a raft, and when they are on board another three will pull a rope to send the raft out to a platform connected to an underwater cage. The people on the raft will then take turns diving to release sticks stuck through the cage mesh to release floating rings. When they have all nine rings, they return to shore and hand over the rings to the three tribe members who haven’t done anything get, and they try to toss the rings onto posts.
The first to get a ring on each of their posts wins immunity and the reward – the standard Survivor fishing kit. “Fans” are sitting out Laura.
Brenda, Andrea and Erik race out to the raft, and Brandon, Cochran and Corinne are doing the hauling for the “favorites”. For the “fans”, the raft/dive team is Julia , Sherri and Hope while Shamar, Matt and Eddie are pulling rope. As you’d expect, the “fans” get to their platform first, but it’s a very slight lead.
The diving starts off with Erik and Andrea taking turns going underwater, while Sherri does the work for the “fans”. Unfortunately for Sherri, the “favorites” are soon ahead six rings to one. And then it’s nine to two and the “favorites” are on their way back to shore. Sherri gets a third ring by the time they are halfway back, and by the time the “fans” collect their ninth ring and get back to shore, Malcolm has tossed two rings onto poles.
Unsurprisingly after last week’s immunity challenge, Reynold will be the first tosser for the “fans”. Malcolm misses. Phillip rotates in, and there’s a frustrating series of shots where both Reynold and Phillip get their rings to bounce off the top of their poles. And then Phillip scores! “Favorites” win immunity and reward! They all go “whoo!” and Probst urges them to enjoy the night off. “Fans”, one of the ten of you will be voted out.
Immediate cut to Reynold, who says that Shamar is a “cancer” and tonight is an obvious vote for Shamar. But Reynold, if I told you we are only 27 minutes into the show, would you still think it’s going to be obvious?
After the break, the “favorites” are back at camp and talking about what a good feeling it is to win. They ooh and ahh over the fishing gear. Shouldn’t at least one of them be searching it for a hidden immunity idol or something?
Afterwards, Phillip brings Malcolm in to his alliance, and then we get what may be the cheesiest Probst-free moment we will ever see on Survivor. Phillip has a corporate announcement to make! Stealth R Us is expanding! There’s Mission: Impossible-type music as Phillip has the new team all lined up and introduces them to the camera. In addition to Phillip the Specialist, there’s Cochran the Intelligence Attaché, Malcolm the Enforcer, Andrea the Eliminator, Corinne the Dominatrix and True Grit Dawn. Shame we’ll never learn Brandon’s middle-management codename. The Lumberg!
Anyway, all of them play up to the camera, reality whores that they are, and then pretend to be pleased with their goofy names for Phillip’s benefit. Malcolm’s interview is basically “he’s out here running a spy corporation” and “if it keeps him happy..."
On the other beach, the fans are Monday Morning Quarterbacking the challenge. It is agreed that no one knew who was doing what. Then Reynold, who is reminding me more and more of Bradley Cooper in Wedding Crashers, immediately calls Shamar out, and declares that Shamar’s behaviour is “unacceptable where I come from”. They argue about it, and Reynold calls Shamar “childish” and then Reynold does a childish dance while waving his arms around and saying, “Listen to Shamar, listen to Shamar”. This is the Reynold version of a Code Red.
So Shamar challenges Reynold. “What are you going to do about it?” Reynold says to nobody’s surprise that he will be voting for Shamar, and that everyone should bow down and accept his decision. Reynold has spoken! What actual Survivor fan would do this? It’s a good thing that Survivor casts people who’ve never seen the show before, otherwise we’d have fewer people to mock.
Anyway, Shamar thinks this is great and there’s no problem at all. “So then vote! This is easy!” In interview, Shamar talks about Reynold’s dramatic scene, and then back at camp we see Shamar calling out Reynold, saying that Reynold’s alliance didn’t just decide they were voting for Shamar, and he’s trying to make this big thing to sway other people's opinions.
Allie is not complementary of Shamar in interview, saying that she knows what it’s like to want to throw a challenge after spending five days with him. Anyway, Reynold, Eddie and Matt immediately and obviously go into the bushes to go talk about Shamar and Shamar mocks them and calls out “shut up!” if they mention his name. Anyway, Matt talks with Eddie and Reynold about how he obviously wants to get rid of Shamar because of their big fight last episode. But in interview, he tells us about the tight bond he has with Mike and how they have to decide which way to vote.
Now, Mike, Matt and Sherri are talking on the beach about Shamar or “one of them." Sherri says “one of them” but Matt is pushing for Shamar. His reasoning is that everyone will be happy, and the pretty alliance will think that Matt is still with them. Way to commit, Matt. Sherri obviously doesn’t want the pretty alliance to think anyone is with them after tonight’s vote, and reassures Matt that once Shamar realises he is not going home, he will “chill out." Laura comes up to the conversation, and Sherri asks who she would vote for. She says “one of the girls... Allie”, then explains in interview that she’s the only one on the pretty alliance that’s actually thinking.
Meanwhile, Reynold has heard of something called a hidden immunity idol, and he goes off to look for it. “It’s usually under the trees,” he says, and our schadenfreude is fed when he reaches in and brings out a rock. But then he looks in another hole in the same tree and there’s a goddamn hidden immunity idol in there. “Boom! Good to know!” bros Reynold, before looking for a hidden immunity brewski to celebrate.
Reynold interviews that he’s very excited to have the hidden immunity idol – which is a small necklace on a string, and more discreet than other hidden immunity idols we’ve seen. – but he has to “check myself, and not walk back with a stupid grin." He wraps the idol in the note, and then wraps the note in the cloth it came in, making it much more obvious than he needs to.
So of course, when they are all about to set out for Tribal Council, Laura sees a bulge in Reynold’s pants. She interviews that it could possibly be a hidden immunity idol, and that she can’t talk with anyone on her alliance about it right now because she’s here doing this stupid interview.
It’s the first Tribal Council for the “fans”, and as several of them have never seen the show, Probst fills them in on the drill. Grab torch, Approach flame, Dip it in, Get Fire. Fire represents life. Boom! Good to know!
Probst’s opener is for Michael. How is it going with this bunch of people who have nothing in common? Michael says that Matt and Sherri have families in common, and the four pretty people are getting on well. Allie explains that they are all the same age group, and they aren’t excluding anyone.
But Probst asks Shamar about his take. “Eddie and Hope are a couple. The other two are part of the foursome.” You can learn a lot, lying around in a shelter all day. Is Matt concerned that there are people who say they are a foursome? Matt says he doesn’t care.
How is Shamar finding things? Shamar says that he’s three hundred pounds and has had two scoops of rice and three coconuts, so he’s drained and conserving energy. Probst asks Shamar about his background, and Shamar says he did two tours of duty in Iraq, but it was easier there because they had leaders in the US Marine Corps, while people here are individuals. Michael agrees there were too many voices at the challenge, that when they were strategizing before the challenge he knew they were in trouble because they did not assign roles.
Reyold agrees that the tribe needs to be one cohesive unit, and says that people are frustrated with Shamar, who critiques everyone on their jobs while lying in the shelter. Eddie chimes in to say that Shamar was in the hut for 19 of the last 24 hours while everyone else was working. With such great time-keeping skills, Eddie is proving to be his alliance’s middle-management.
Shamar actually owns it. He seems thrilled to have gotten away with spending 19 hours lying down. He says he’s a “good scapegoat” because he’s “big and loud. I think I’m just a big loud guy." Obviously Shamar would annoy me to death if I was on the same beach as him, but I can’t hold it against him at Tribal Council because he looks like he’s having such a great time. I realize that Brandon gave us the episode title, but if there’s anyone this season who exemplifies honey badger, it’s Shamar.
So what does Laura think about the situation? Laura says that she thought they were all voting “as a family” but just before coming here, she saw a bulge in someone’s pocket. She won’t say who, but Probst says “You’re looking directly at Reynold." Feeling the pressure, Reynold does not claim that the bulge was actually an erection, and reveals that he found a hidden immunity idol. Why say that? Why not say “I found this cool necklace washed up on the beach”? It’s not like any of them are fans and know what a hidden immunity idol is. “Why did you bring it to Tribal Council?” asks Laura in this don’t-you-trust-us way, and Reynold’s reply is basically “Because this is Survivor, duh!” which is obviously reasonable.
But according to Reynold, it’s a shame because “he was playing to beat the favorites”, but now with he has this “pocketful of kryptonite” he’ll play the idol tonight and be done with it. So good work guys. Going into the merge there won’t be an idol party.
Shamar sticks the knife in by claiming that Reynold deserves an Academy Award! Not for his “I’m going to play the idol” speech, that’s for sure. Shamar says the pretty alliance have tried to villainize him from Day 1 - which is a pretty brave card from the guy whose strategy is “antagonize everyone while laying down in the shelter” - but the people who “know his heart” will vote the right way.
Anyway, Probst asks Sherri if anything has changed, so she announces she will be voting the way she is supposed to be voting, and that’s that. Time to vote!
Eddie votes for Shamar, with a big “Thank you for serving in our military. I appreciate it. Out here, not so much.” Sherri is voting for Allie like she promised, because “four is way too powerful."
Probst goes to “tally” the votes, but does anyone have a hidden immunity idol they would like to play tonight? Nope. Reynold puts it in his pocket. The first four votes are for Shamar. And the next four are all for Allie. So are the next two, and Allie has to bring Probst her torch. He snuffs it and then tells the remaining “fans” to “get it together”.
Well, that was some expectedly poor Survivor play from the pretty alliance. Not only did Reyold announce that Shamar was the obvious boot before making sure he had the votes, but we didn’t really see them do anything to get them afterwards. Laura’s “I thought we were voting as a family” comment suggests that everyone was all “Yeah, I’m voting Shamar. Everyone is!”. It was well-engineered by Sherri, but the foursome shouldn’t have been so trusting that the other six would vote for the loud annoying guy over the tight alliance that doesn't want them.
I’m curious why Mike and Matt – who seemed particularly down with getting rid of Shamar – decided to stick with the normals. I expect they thought those four would stick closer together, while there’d be more division between Sherri, Shamar, Julia and Laura that Mike and Matt (who am I kidding? Mike) could exploit. I suppose too, Mike thought Matt might be in more with Eddie and Reynold than Mike.
Next time on Survivor, Shamar shouts at everyone and the Gollum side of Brandon’s personality is saying “I’ll pee in the rice, I’ll pee in the beans, I want to burn the shelter down” while making the scary eyes. But we’ll probably end up seeing more of the Sméagol side. “Mister Phillip trusts us! We’re middle-management!”
Allie’s post-boot interview is about how frustrated she is because she has wanted to be on the show since she was 11. She says she is “mortified” and mimes shooting herself in the head. Can’t say I blame her, because being voted out because you’re the least obvious one in your alliance must be a downer. But the way to avoid that is “don’t join an alliance that cannot count beyond four." And the good news is that there are now just two interchangeable blondes, and I can tell them apart.