Survivor: Caramoan - Preview, Part 2
Meet the Favorites
By Ben Willoughby
February 12, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
But how many of them really be classified as a favorite? You’ve either forgotten or repressed the memories of half the returnees, and the ones you haven’t, you probably remember for making some of the stupidest Survivor decisions of all time. Two of them gave up immunity only to be voted out. One of them was voted out first, and another was taken to the final Tribal Council as an obvious goat.
Some of the contestants have cottoned onto this and are probably having existential crises along the lines of “This is where I fit on the Survivor hierarchy?” Probst was even reduced to giving an interview about how everyone has it wrong and the casting is actually awesome and players like Andrea and Cochran were good players who learned a lot from their first time out and will come back stronger. I’m sure each night he cries himself to sleep on his mattress stuffed with $100 bills.
The only one you could call a “favorite” is Malcolm, who was brought in as a late addition. I’m positive that if he hadn’t been such a hit, they would have brought back Colton and we’d be watching Survivor: Dumbass Island.
Anyway, here is what I think of the “favorites” based on their past seasons, their CBS promos and the interviews EW deigned to give them.
Brenda
Brenda, who is from Miami and owns her own paddleboard company, is the castaway I am most likely to be guiltily attracted to. I probably need to remind everyone that Brenda was in the woeful Nicaragua season, where the other finalists were so mediocre that Fabio/Jud winning was considered the best possible outcome. And no-one spoke of that season again.
Brenda believes she is a fan favorite because “I had my own strategies and plans in the game and I did it myself and didn’t ride any coattails.” This would be a fair assessment if it also included the word “bikini”. You probably won’t remember, but Brenda established herself as a mastermind-type player who put together an alliance that ended up fractured by NaOnka, probably the most difficult Survivor player of all time. She wasn’t a great mastermind. After the merge, she quickly became a target, and made the mistake of deciding not to scramble and instead trusting her alliance. This was interpreted as “not caring."
Brenda says that her preparation for this season has focused on the mental and emotional sides, and in particular remembering the mistakes she made in her first season. She says she has to show a “new version of Brenda because the old one didn’t work. I have to put bad Brenda to the side, show people good Brenda and then do bad things.”
Assessment: Brenda formed an alliance last game without having to do much beyond being the pretty girl. Expect more of the same this time.
Brandon
After a brief respite from Hantzes for the past two season, Brandon Hantz is back. You’ll remember him as the tortured soul from the South Pacific season who blamed women for tempting him and went through an emotional breakdown every damn episode. He’s also Evil Loser Russell’s nephew, and is even more painful to watch. If there’s anything that demonstrates that this season of Fans vs Favorites is the biggest lie Survivor ever told, it’s the presence of Brandon Hantz.
Brandon is in full-on revisionist history mode about his season. He claims to have had no enemies and had the jury vote in his hand, only he gave up immunity and was betrayed by his alliance. He says that he is a “too honest guy” and “way too trustworthy.” Isn’t it great that his self-described faults are about how awesome he is? I think he challenges Phillip for “most in denial.”
In his interview with EW, Brandon again claims that the game was his and he would have won a million dollars, but he only made one mistake: he allowed himself to beat him. “He beat himself in the game of Survivor and that’s what people saw.” Brandon has had some personal troubles in his home life, and he says that now he’s an icebox and nothing is going to get under his skin or manipulate him into thinking they are his friends. Now I think I remember why I gave up watching the season Brandon was on. Well, him and Cochran. Hang on, why am I committing to watching this season again? Not for Phillip and his underwear... oh crap, what have I done?
Also, Brandon’s still only 21? At least now he can drink a beer on the Rewards.
Assessment: Can I give any other prediction than “Brandon will fly completely off the rails of his emotional roller-coaster?” Hopefully there’ll be no more Hantzes after this season.
Cochran
Cochran and his trademark sweater-vest are back. It’s ridiculous how much he wants his sweater-vest to be up there in the Survivor Museum of Artifacts along with Rupert’s tie-dye and Boston Rob’s Red Sox hat. Anyway, Cochran was the Survivor super-fan from the South Pacific season who won a prize from Harvard’s law program for an essay he wrote on the Survivor jury system. Cochran knew absolutely everything about the game except how to strategize, compete in challenges, contribute around camp or be socially acceptable. Pure Harvard.
Anyway, Cochran interviews that he’s going to find it difficult to blend in because his reputation as an annoying, unlikeable, challenge-challenged traitor precedes him. He promises that he’ll downplay his quirks and not seem so anxious, but I think that’s too big a part of Cochran for him to change it over 39 days. He also notes – correctly, I think – that Survivor fans expected more from a Survivor super-fan, and that it was a big disappointment that he turned out to be. So he says that he will play more aggressively this time with more alliance-making and -breaking. Last time he “spent 31 days without being in one, or even liked.” If someone asks Cochran to join an alliance, it will be the happiest day of Cochran’s life.
Assessment: Cochran’s basic pitch is that he doesn’t have anything going for him. I agree, and think he’ll be gone quickly.
Phillip
Phillip was the first runner-up in the Redemption Island season, which is another way of saying “Boston Rob took me to the end because I acted nuts, and it would have been a clean-sweep except for the one nutjob who threw a vote my way.” But “The Specialist” seems to think he earned first runner-up thanks to his “daring to be different”, which is one way to describe “communing with his ancestors while bits of him are hanging out from his saggy pink Y-fronts.”
Anyway, Phillip wants to top his performance from his last season by winning this time. He claims there won’t be the big blow-ups, which the producers will be very disappointed to hear. And he’ll form an alliance this time, assuming he can identify the most patient and good-natured people on his new tribe, and he thinks the fans will love him. He even Twitters and Facebooks! www.thespecialistthoughts.gov.www/thespecialistthoughts. And if you want to read more from Phillip, check out the first in a new series of books, The Specialist: The Costa Rica Job.
Assessment: Let’s assume Phillip isn’t as crazy as he makes out to be. He’s still here because the producers want more Phillip and that’s what he’s going to provide. He even has new pink underwear and a feather.
Malcolm
Malcolm was clearly the fan favorite from last season, and probably the only returnee that I don’t need to remind you about. Malcolm says that he did have a moment’s hesitation before signing back up – which apparently happened ten minutes after he was eliminated – but only because it was a long time since he’d had a cold beer. He believes that a big part of why he has been so supported is because he’s such a fan of the show himself, which is probably true. He’s like the anti-Cochran.
Anyway, Malcolm believes that he’ll have a target on his back from Day 1 because no one knows who he is, so everyone will assume that he’s must have done something awesome last season to be cast again so quick. While Malcolm says we’ll see a lot of the same him, he has learned that “aspects of my behavior aren’t as charming as I thought” and he plans to adjust accordingly. He hasn’t done much else to prepare because there were only a couple of weeks in between filming last season and this one, and he spent those “lying on my couch drinking beer and eating ice cream.” Like we would do anything different.
Assessment: Malcolm’s probably the only returning player whose casting had as much to do with playing Survivor as personality. He should do well, but he’ll need to watch out as there are no other golden boy types on his tribe, making him an obvious threat.
Andrea
Andrea is probably the least-recognizable returning castaway this season – she was in the season Boston Rob won, and would be best-known for flirting with Redemption Island inmate Matt during the few minutes of screen-time when he wasn’t on Redemption Island. Andrea gives a bunch of platitudes about being Andrea 2.0, wanting to be herself – a hard worker but a more aggressive player, all about winning this time, no-brainer to come back, blah blah blah. Looks like Andrea will be just as interesting this time around.
Also, she is not afraid to go into secret show-mances and flirting, and congratulates herself on being “so much more in a great spot mentally,” just like Meg Ryan would about 40 minutes into a Meg Ryan movie. There is a “sense of calm about me,” but she’s also “ten times as excited to do this” as she was in her first season.
Assessment: Andrea’s success will rely on playing the Amber game – making the right alliance early on and sticking with it while being pleasant and not ticking anyone off.
Erik
Erik, who still looks a lot like Jon Heder in Blades of Glory, probably had the most notorious exit of any of the returnees – he is the ice-cream scooper from the original Fans vs Favorites season who won immunity when he was about to be voted out for sure, only to be convinced by the Parvati-Amanda-Cirie-Natalie alliance to “redeem himself in front of the jury.” Obviously, the jury promptly laughed him out and James Clement was able to claim that he was no longer the “dumbest Survivor ever.”
Erik claims that he doesn’t need redemption for his big Survivor moment, but he says he does want to build on it and show that he can make some smart decisions. He says that he is a “fan favorite” because he was one of the original “fans”. He plans to “have fun and enjoy the location” but can’t say for sure if he is going to win. I can say for sure that he won’t. But for now, Erik’s plan is to make checkpoints – not get voted out, then make the merge and so on.
Assessment: Erik isn’t really here to win, he’s here to have a good time. If he makes it far, it will be because someone takes him.
Dawn
Dawn is a mother of six and professor at Brigham Young whose first season was the South Pacific one with Brandon and Cochran. She claims that she has “unfinished business,” like she’s Beatrix Kiddo, but my one memory of Dawn is that she was the one who was sort-of nice to Cochran.
Dawn talks about her experiences on South Pacific and her majority alliance’s downfall at the hands of Cochran. She had thought going into the game that it would be easy to cut ties, but found it more difficult than she expected, so her lesson for this time is to remember it is a game. She hopes Survivor fans will be happy to see her again, but a more reasonable hope is that they remember her.
Assessment: I’m not convinced that Dawn will be able to cut ties any easier this time around, and as the oldest woman she’s an easy target early in the game. Good thing for her there are other easy targets.
Francesca
Francesca was the first person voted out of the Redemption Island season, and the one whose name Phillip could never quite get straight. Normally I’d think this was utter bollocks, but Francesca is the only first-out I can think of who was voted out for having a mind of her own – and not in a loopy talking-to-the-trees kind of way. Francesca is also my favorite personal favorite returnee because she agrees that it’s utterly ridiculous that she has been asked back. Her goal on Day 1 is just to blend in. Blend in with Phillip and Brandon? Good luck.
Francesca says that her big mistake last time is that she relied too much on logical argument and believing that everyone would act in their own self-interest. Of course, there won’t be as much Rob-is-awesome blindness this time, but if anything there are even more idiots that she’ll find it difficult to suffer. Anyway, Francesca jokes that in the unlikely event of her winning, she wants a certificate or plaque for “Most Improved Survivor." I think she should ask for one if she makes the jury.
Assessment: This is the hardest assessment for me as Francesca is less-proven in Survivor than some of the “fans”. If there’s an alliance of the normals on her tribe, she could do OK, but I think she plays too straight to win.
Corinne
Corrine is the lone castaway from the Gabon season, where she became notorious for her attitude of “I’m so sick of Sugar blubbing because her father died.” If anything, she has embraced this, saying that while the public thinks she is bitchy, but for her she thinks of Hillary Clinton and Madonna as being bitchy, and bitchy is really just another word for power. Yes – being bitchy is about power – it’s about using your power to be mean to other people you don’t care about. It’s nothing to be proud of. This whole column is bitchy. Do I sound proud to be writing it?
Anyway, Corinne claims that she wears bitchy as a badge of honor, and she’s not going to change how she played. “Love me or hate me, you know you want to see me play again, and I’m going to give you exactly what you want.” I’m not sold on either of her conclusions. Corinne also threatens the viewers with the possibility of a show-mance. Looking at the men on her tribe, there’s no real risk of that.
Assessment:I think Corinne could make it a long way, because she is both savvy and unlikeable. She’s the exact type of player that her allies will be able to take to the end without making it obvious that they’re taking someone they can beat.
So there are our ten returning “favorites”, or the Bikal tribe as I won’t be calling them. It will be interesting to see how the group dynamic is going to work. Will their combined experience will help them to pull together when it counts? Or will the sheer number of poo-flinging crazy people cause them to collapse in a heap?
We’ll get our first indication in tonight's 90 minute premiere. Ninety minutes of Brandon Hantz? Shoot me now.