Monday Morning Quarterback Part II
By BOP Staff
February 5, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Matthew Huntley: For starters: It. Sucked. (Full review forthcoming.) There wasn't anything enticing about this movie - not the action, the "humor," the buddy-cop aspect. It was quite painful to sit through because after a while you realize it's not going to make of fun of B action movies; it simply is one. Audiences obviously saw right through it, and good for them, because they saved themselves time and money. Stallone, even at his age, seems like a smart man, but Bullet to the Head is just plain garbage. It also surprises me it was directed by Walter Hill (The Warriors). I guess every actor and director makes a stinker from time to time. God knows Stallone has had his fair share; this is his latest.
Bruce Hall: Dateline - "Bullet to the Head gets capped at box office.” Is that insensitive? I don't think so, because it means that within weeks of each other, both Arnold and Sly have been put out of our collective box office misery before too many people had a chance to endure it. To be fair, Sly has actually made worse films. And his career (as an action hero at least) has got to be on borrowed time as it is. This is an embarrassment, but whatever you already thought of Sylvester Stallone, Bullet to the Head shouldn't make much of a difference.
David Mumpower: Let's face reality. The only old man people want to see kick ass in an action film right now is Liam Neeson.
Brett Ballard-Beach: Three straight weeks. Three Expendables co-stars having box office results ranging from meh to bleh. This had been shuffled around and landing on Super Bowl weekend suggests WB was pretty much writing it off. A strong hook is needed more than an action hero movie star these days. I am sad to see Matthew so displeased as I think Walter Hill is one of the great modern day B movie directors: Hard Times, The Driver, The Warriors, 48 Hrs, Streets of Fire, Johnny Handsome, Wild Bill, and the B-movie-est Christmas Day opener of the last 25 years: 1992's terrific Trespass with two Ices (T and Cube) and two Bills (Paxton and Sadler) locking horns over hidden gold in the heart of burned-out Chicago. My advice would be to stream that movie.
Tim Briody: This somehow cost $55 million to make! Good gravy, that's absolutely ridiculous. I hope people get fired over this one. Like I said, nobody cares about these old timers anymore unless you put all of them in one movie (like the Expendables) or you just stick to your sequels (like Die Hard 5 in a couple weeks).
Reagen Sulewski: I mean, if you wanted more evidence generic action was dead, you really need look no further. A big problem with these films is that they look no different in quality from any number of Direct to... Whatever it is we're calling those films these days. I mean, I'm much more interested in seeing the latest Universal Soldier sequel (which, OK, did get a theatrical release, but you get my point) than any of The Last Stand, Bullet to the Head or Parker. And, sure, that's a relative term. But for action, we're looking for big set pieces, exotic locations, and evolved plots and characters. I sort of feel bad for people making these films now in sort of the same way I feel bad for the main character in The Artist. It doesn't particularly help that young audiences relate to Stallone and Schwarzenegger in the same way I'd have related to a theoretical Steve McQueen or John Wayne film released in the 1980s.
Felix Quinonez Jr.: I don't think a much bigger opening should have been expected from this movie. It's a terribly reviewed, generic action movie that follows two equally generic action movies. There is really nothing distinguishing any of these movies or any reason to see it in theaters. The only "draws" here are the stars. Statham has never been a huge draw anyway and it was only a matter of time before people began to lose interest in seeing him do the same thing in every movie. As for the other two...well, I think it's time to face the fact that their star power isn't what it used to be (putting it kindly). I also think that they underestimated how much the novelty factor helped the box office performance of The Expendables movies. It seems that they really thought they were going to be huge action stars on their own again and... they were wrong.
Shalimar Sahota: The way I saw it, the unique selling point with this, and The Last Stand, was old school action stars delivering old school action thrills. I'm all for real stunts and carnage, but Bullet in the Head looked like a trip to the 1980s for me. I guess to some people that might be appealing, but since there are already films out there that have done the action-buddy movie and done it better, then was there really any reason to go see this?
Max Braden: This number *shocks* me. I mean, look, I'm not expecting a $30 million opening. But come on! Stallone is 66-years-old. That's retirement age, and he looks as ripped as he did 30 years ago. He looks like he could kick Jason Statham's ass, to say nothing of mine. I would seriously consider putting him in Fast & The Furious 7 with The Rock and The Dome. Consider that Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis, who started their careers well after Stallone, are appearing in more straight-to-video titles than wide releases. Not counting the extremely limited we-hope-nobody-notices-this Driven in 2001, the last time one of Stallone's movies opened to under $10 million was Get Carter, and the last time one of his movies did nominally worse than this was all the way back in 1981: Nighthawks. In the past year, Haywire, Gone, Lockout, Safe, Dredd, Hit & Run, and of course The Last Stand all beat out Stallone. So soon after the presidential election, I imagine a scene where Stallone and Schwarzenegger called each other up and conceded defeat to each other. I blame Beyonce.
Kim Hollis: What were your favorite and least favorite Super Bowl commercials? Did any movie trailers catch your notice?
Bruce Hall: My favorite is obviously Fast & Furious 6, because I am an immature person, easily swayed by fast cars and explosions. I'm not sure what Iron Man 3 was going for. Also, I see Don Cheadle's armor and assume its greatest power is to paralyze enemies with laughter. Snitch could have been the trailer for 20 other generic looking films. With all the talk of J.J. Abrams directing the next Star Wars film, nobody's mentioned Jerry Bruckheimer's obvious influence on Star Trek: Into Darkness, where apparently everything in the universe explodes. Speaking of Mr. Bruckheimer, Disney's The Lone Ranger sure uses a lot more napalm than the TV show did. And the only thing I can tell from World War Z is that it's about the zombie apocalypse, which I already knew. The one that grabbed me was Oz the Great and Powerful. Putting aside my childish love of exploding sports cars, this was the only trailer that truly left me wanting more.
Tim Briody: They drove a car through a plane! I was already there for Star Trek: Into Darkness no matter what. World War Z comes across as very different from what I know about the source material, but I'm pretty sure I'll see it and that it will do well. And the over the top ridiculousness of the Fast and Furious 6 trailer will make it crazy successful. A car! Through a plane!
Reagen Sulewski: The Fast and Furious producers have obviously gone mad with power over their international receipts. "But that's ridiculous!" "$600 *meelion* dollars." "OK, do it." Can we rule out a billion this time? I'm not sure we can. Iron Man 3 looks as hot as one might expect from putting Shane Black in charge, and Star Trek has definitely kicked things up to a notch of epicness. I was quite impressed with The Lone Ranger spot, as that's really the first time I've thought this project can really succeed. It's still just going to be Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp playing Johnny Depp, but that's a formula that people can't seem to get enough of.
Max Braden: The angry Doritos goat cracked me up early, and I liked the tough-kid football team. I don't care how ridiculous FF6 looks, I'm stoked to see it. I think adding Johnson to the cast in the last movie was a brilliant move. I liked the last Star Trek and I'll see Into Darkness, but I get an uncomfortable Nemesis vibe from the trailer. I missed The Lone Ranger spot during the Super Bowl but I'd seen one before. Armie Hammer might seem to be the perfect choice on paper, but I don't get the sense that he'd tackle handle anything outdoorsy without taking along Gortex and GoPro. It doesn't bother me, but considering the noise about the Super Bowl ad featuring the white guy talking in a Jamaican accent, is there no talk about how Johnny Depp is basically in face paint for this role?
David Mumpower: Personally, I thought the Fast 666 commercial or whatever it's called was so absurd that I just couldn't take it seriously. Despite this, I absolutely believe the movie will absolutely shred the box office. I fully expect this one to open north of $100 million. World War Z featured one of those "what's the point?" teasers where so little is learned about the movie that it isn't worth the financial outlay. I'm surprised Bruce could deduce there are zombies in the movie, because they weren't even featured.
What I found fascinating about the Lone Ranger commercial is that other than the bit at the end, the comedic tone was completely removed. Instead, we are left with an old west action film. This is a bit troubling to me since we have seen with Cowboys & Aliens and (going back a while) Wild, Wild West that the genre is prone to bombs. Personally, I like Armie Hammer a lot as an actor going back to his time on Reaper. I want to see if he is ready to be a Hollywood lead in a tentpole feature like this.
While I have no concept of what Oz will be, that commercial looked absolutely beautiful on my HDTV. I suspect that it will be a box office juggernaut. With regards to Iron Man 3, I found the concept of him needing to save so many falling passengers to be gripping. Unlike the World War Z spot, I immediately wanted to see more of the film. With regards to Star Trek Into Darkness, I will not believe that man is not Khan until I have watched the movie. And if I need to state the obvious, the Star Trek sequel will be massive.
In terms of general ads, I must have been in a good mood this year. I liked quite a few of them, which is a far different conclusion than in recent seasons. I loved the Audi prom ad, I thought that the older people going wild at Taco Bell was funny (particularly the Spanish version of We Are Young), The Rock needing his milk was hilarious, the man tackling the puma was surprising and the Stevie Wonder bits were very clever. In what has to be a first for me, I agreed with all three of the highest rated Super Bowl ads as well. The Joe Montana shirt is hysterical, and the horse remembering the man who raised it forced my heart to grow three sizes. Well, I also forgot to take my heart medication so the two may not be related. Anyway, I loved this batch of ads.
Kim Hollis: I liked the Budweiser Clydesdale ad the best of all the ones I saw Sunday evening. It’s the only one that has really stayed with me, though I generally like what Tide did with the Montana stain as well. As far as the movie trailers, Iron Man 3 and Star Trek made the best impression, though I’d be remiss to exclude Fast & Furious whatever number we’re up to. It looks ridiculous but in a good way.