Top Chef: Seattle Recap
By David Mumpower
January 29, 2013
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Kristen accepted the blame in Josie’s stead, as the best leaders do. Nobility notwithstanding, her decision leaves the title of Top Chef up for grabs; a vacuum has been created. My expectation is that Brooke and Sheldon will step up and duel for the title. Lizzie, Joshua and Stefan are all still in the mix as well. As for Josie, if she survives the next competition, I will be surprised. Her fate should be a humiliating elimination followed by a sobering defeat at the hands of Kristen in Last Chance Kitchen. Any result other than this one will disappoint me.
This week’s episode begins with a brief celebration of Sheldon’s win. The mood quickly turns somber as Stefan and Brooke lament the previous evening’s events. Brooke informs The Thumb that she would have spoken up in favor of Kristen had she believed the Restaurant Wars captain to be in danger of elimination. Yes, the contestants are just as confused by the judges’ decision as we the viewers are.
Top Chef is the best reality show on television but when it goes wrong, the pain cuts deeper. Each week, we expect that the best players will be rewarded while the worst will be eliminated. The participants share these expectations. Josie’s horrific performance at Restaurant Wars specifically caused her team to lose the challenge yet she was not held accountable. Instead, the buck stopped with Kristen, who became the latest victim of The Josie Show.
There is a pervasive sense of shock over the entire series of events that led to this mistake. Everyone expects better of Top Chef, which is a credit to the show’s overall consistency. All of our mouths are agape when a situation like the Restaurant Wars elimination occurs because it is so far removed from the overall excellence of the program.
Lizzie is stuck with the worst assignment of the morning. She is sitting in her bedroom while Josie tries to defend her actions. Josie’s crying jag is not the strongest emotion in the room. Lizzie furtively casts her eyes from side to side, desperately trying to unearth an escape route that will get her out of the conversation. Lizzie’s discomfort notwithstanding, she is clearly horrified by the previous night’s vote as well as Josie’s self-delusion about the proceedings. Josie vocalizes a justification for her behavior that is so counter-intuitive that it fails the laugh test. Her continued presence on Top Chef: Seattle is an abomination.
The sour taste in my mouth does not dissipate at the Quickfire challenge. Master sushi chef Katsuya Uechi arrives; his presence indicates that the next competition will involve sushi. This is problematic because multiple cheftestants have little to no experience “cooking” this food. Joshua and Lizzie are effectively eliminated at the announcement. Poor Lizzie was already stuck listening to Josie whine in the morning. Wasn’t that punishment enough?
Uechi provides some interesting tips about how to make the best sushi. Since I never stick raw fish in my mouth, there is little utility for me. I will pass the information along for you, though. Never touch the ingredients excessively. The warmth of your flesh heats the meat too much. I find this notion fascinating. Also, do not use too many ingredients. At its core, sushi is (obviously) fish and rice. Including extra ingredients can confuse the flavor profile. These Top Chef tips have been brought to you by your neighborhood Benihana.
With so few remaining players, six, a Quickfire challenge such as this provides little drama. With Joshua and Lizzie out of the competition, the four remaining players each possess a 25% chance of winning, 33% once we remove Josie from the equation. Sheldon claims he does not have a lot of experience cooking sushi while Brooke states that she eats it every other day. Sheldon is complimented for his technique, albeit in an inscrutable way. Brooke is offered advice about how to prepare the fish better. Her dish is not easy to eat.
With most of the other chefs struggling, Stefan becomes the big fish in a small pond. He states an intention to impress Uechi, a fellow Los Angeles resident. Alas, he said the same thing last week of Danny Meyer, who actively despises Stefan after the Restaurant Wars service fiasco. In the Quickfire challenge, Stefan is up to the task, creating a delicious lobster dish. The outcome is a bit of a surprise since Stefan used a lot of ingredients (yellowtail with grilled shiitake & raw lobster with seaweed & unagi), but he triumphs by process of elimination.
The victory entitles Stefan to a $5,000 prize. This is the first victory of any sort for the man who claims to be the uncrowned champion of Season 5. With Stefan finally winning, there are oddly still two contestants who have never won anything this season. They are Joshua and Lizzie. Even Josie (!) has won a Quickfire challenge. With Kristen hogging so much of the glory, there have not been enough prizes to go around, though. I am amazed that half of the six remaining chefs had never won a single challenge prior to this Quickfire. Such a scenario is statistically improbable.
After the Quickfire ends, Tom Colicchio and David Chang of Momofuku noodle bar appear in the Top Chef kitchen. Colicchio informs the cheftestants that he is throwing a party at his rental home. A lot of famous guests will attend. The head judge wants to provide the best food possible for the party, and he has chosen fried chicken as the meal of choice. He then identifies some of the guests as Emeril Lagasse, Wolfgang Puck and Michelle Bernstein. The intimidation factor is high for tonight’s Elimination challenge.
All of the chefs sound confident about their dishes. Joshua believes that the misfortune he experienced in the sushi challenge has been counterbalanced by a specialty of his, fried chicken, being the critical dish for the elimination challenge. Josie brags about her southern heritage giving her a natural advantage in a chicken challenge. Josie, your cooking skill gives you a natural disadvantage in any Top Chef challenge so at best, the situation is a draw.
Several contestants decide to mix things up a bit. Brooke cuts the breasts off the chicken, planning to replicate the fried chicken flavor in a different way. Joshua is so horrified that he jokes that they may break up over this. I had missed the Work Spouse dynamic they have been building this season but now that it’s out in the open, it’s fairly obvious. Really, Joshua’s superpower is that everybody likes him. He is one of the most popular contestants I can ever recall on Top Chef.
A couple of the non-American chefs also take circuitous routes in their fried chicken preparation. Lizzie also removes the breasts and uses a family rub to create the same flavor. Stefan effectively ignores the instructions, instead choosing to craft a chicken cordon bleu meal instead. To the best of my knowledge, Kentucky Fried Chicken has never been in the business of serving chicken cordon bleu. Why? It is not fried chicken. At all. Thus far, Josie and Joshua are the only two chefs following the basic concept of the challenge. And since Josie is a horrible chef, I like Joshua’s chances to get off the schneid this week.
Brooke suffers the worst luck of anyone in tonight’s immunity challenge. The freakishly consistent contestant realizes she does not have time to prepare the skin as intended. Now, she has a boring chicken breast with no fried chicken elements. Forced to improvise, she tries to keep the chicken warm in the oven then dips it in the grill to re-heat. She describes the entire experience as her worst day of the competition “by far.” If Josie stays and Brooke goes home, I may be done watching Top Chef for a while.
Sheldon’s situation is only marginally better. Several participants struggle with the fryers. One of Josie’s fails, which contributes to her once again struggling with time management. Don’t worry. I’m confident she would have run late without the equipment issue. Sheldon has the opposite problem, and a more perilous one at that. His burner is far too hot. Because of this, Sheldon has to discard a few pieces of chicken. There may not be enough to go around.
The judging portion is rowdy but jubilant. The wine is flowing and Tom Colicchio is a fun drunk. The host of the evening’s festivities relishes this unique opportunity. He gets to combine his duties as the face of Top Chef with a night of adult beverages shared among friends. A good time is had by all. Except the contestants.
The evening starts with a toast and a suggestion by Tom Colicchio. He suggests that one of his allies could start a chain of chicken restaurants. The suggested name is Wolfgang Cluck. It may be a joke but this should be a real thing. The name is so damned marketable.
The first three players to present their dishes are Josie, Sheldon and Lizzie. Seeing the faces of some of the most famous celebrity chefs in the world momentarily overcomes Sheldon. He eventually rushes through his planned description of his dish. He presents umami drumsticks & thighs, wings with usukuchi & grapeseed oil. The central complaint of the judges is that there is not enough to go around. They lick then smack their lips as the flavors work their magic. Despite the fryer snafu, Sheldon may win his third straight Elimination challenge.
Lizzie’s dish is chicken with coriander, black pepper & brown sugar rub with peach-cabbage slaw. The chicken itself looks like Tyson chicken strips that have been cooked four minutes too long. If I were served this meal at Bailey’s, I’d send it back. And I love food that is burnt. In a huge upset, the judges very much enjoy it. Tom does add that “Lizzie doesn’t understand fried chicken.” This is probably a cultural difference for the South African.
Josie seizes the opportunity to point out that she is the only one serving actual fried chicken. Her dish is chicken with black garlic, cayenne, thyme & hot sauce with daikon salad. Wolfgang Puck smells it in a way that indicates the product is dissatisfactory. One of the other guests, Jon Shook, is a Florida native like Josie. He immediately notes that this fried chicken has been served on a banana peel. In his estimation, such a move would cause a chef to be shipped straight to New England. This native Tennessean concurs.
Overall, Josie’s dish appears to bomb yet again. The dish is described as oily and lacking in spice. Michelle Bernstein states that she had to put it down rather than finish the piece. Josie then notes that “Michelle Bernstein sent me home last time.” I am suddenly Michelle Bernstein’s number one fan. Well, number two after Lindsay Autry from last season.
The second set of contestants is Stefan, Brooke and Joshua. Stefan delivers a chicken cordon bleu with garlic aioli & lemon. Like Lizzie’s dish, I am blown away by the amateurish nature of the presentation. Most of the chicken looks like fish patties with lemon slices on top. If I were ever served this in lieu of a bucket of chicken, I’d burn the offending KFC down to the ground. Emeril simply states, “I have the blues right now. I have the chicken cordon blues.” The other hilarious question is, “Wasn’t he already on Top Chef?” All of the judges agree that Stefan has attempted a safe, cowardly dish.
“I made fried chicken.” – Joshua, who deserves to win for this statement alone.
As the other Top Chef wannabes deliver failed dish after failed dish, Josh presents smoked fried chicken with hot sauce & blue cheese. The bowl looks a bit busy yet the end result is gorgeous. The judges heap praise upon his dish. Colicchio states that he had never had smoked fried chicken before. He clearly does not consider the plate of food to be perfect, but he does note “it had the most flavor of any chicken on the table”.
Brooke is in trouble before her dish is even sampled. The afore-mentioned Jon Shook and his partner, Vinny Dotolo have shared a secret with Padma. They once interviewed with Brooke to be line cooks at one of her restaurants. They did not get the job. These two gentlemen are now world-renowned restaurateurs thanks to their eating establishments, Animal and Sons of a Gun. Before then, Brooke determined that they were not the best candidates to be her line cooks. I sincerely hope that the people who got those jobs were Richard Blais and the Voltaggio Brothers.
With her humiliation fresh, Brooke presents a dukkah-crusted chicken breast with wilted escarole & tomato salad. The presentation of the dish hides the presence of the chicken. Given Brooke’s kitchen struggles, this may be intentional. This is easily the worst plate of food she has served this season.
The news grows worse for the best remaining contestant as Wolfgang Puck eviscerates her dish. “What is this show called here? I wouldn’t even call it The Apprentice.” Vinny Dotolo is even more cutting with his simple statement. “I’m glad I didn’t take the job.” Colicchio describes her entire cooking process as unfortunate. There is a legitimate chance that Brooke and Kristen will be squaring off in Last Chance Kitchen tonight.
Judges Table does not occur until the following morning, presumably because all the judges need to sober up. By the end of the evening prior, Stefan has had the epiphany that his dish was too safe for the competition. In the morning, his emotions are further frayed when he speaks to his mother on the phone. She has been suffering from Parkinson’s Disease for 18 years now. The conversation reduces him to tears, and he does not have Kristen to cheer him up afterward. That was not a dig for once, simply more bitterness and outrage on my part over last week’s elimination.
The top group is revealed. Josh, Sheldon and Lizzie are the top performers in this challenge. Lizzie is the only real surprise. In my estimation, her presence speaks more to the failure of the other three dishes. Wolfgang Puck acknowledges that her dish was not fried chicken. Similarly, the lack of chicken presented by Sheldon is also critiqued. From the wording of the judges, I strongly suspect that he would have won if not for the fryer malfunction.
In the end, there is no surprise about the champion of the fried chicken challenge. Josh served real fried chicken that was tasty and novel. He deserves this, his first victory during Top Chef: Seattle. And just like that, two of the three people who had yet to win this season have joined the winner’s circle. If the trend holds next week, Lizzie will win one of those challenges as well. Currently, she is the only remaining chef without a victory.
The bottom group is obviously Stefan, Josie and Brooke, all of whom served dishes that justify elimination. I am braced for the worst as the judges begin to grill the players about their mistakes. Brooke separates herself by acknowledging from the start that she blew the entire challenge. The judges respect her honesty. They do beat her up by identifying that she “overthought the process”. She humbly accepts this criticism.
Josie and Stefan go another way. Josie starts by blaming her fryer then she complains about the lack of time. A camera shot of Colicchio shows the veins on his forehead popping over the latest clock issue from Josie. He calls it The Josie Show. Perhaps the worst mistake occurs when she states that she felt that the chicken was delicious and that Lizzie agreed. Tom blows a gasket over this comment. Here is his quote:
“I guess Dave and Wolf and, you know, Emeril and Johnny and Vinny and Michelle and Padma and me, you know, we don’t know what we’re talking about.”
At this moment, there is no doubt in my mind that the judges are sick of Josie and want her gone. Then, Stefan starts talking. He claims that he grew up in Europe and the fried chicken is different there. Colicchio is aggravated again. He asks where Wolfgang was raised. Puck states that in Austria, fried chicken is a very popular dish.
Defensively, Stefan states that chicken cordon bleu is his version of fried chicken, only with a twist. Tom and Padma both jump on this statement, wondering how a subpar version of a well-known meal can be described as having a twist. Stefan is stymied by this and for the first time in two seasons, I feel bad for him. Stefan is having as bad a day by noon as Brooke had the entire day yesterday. Padma even punctuates the moment after he leaves Judges Table by announcing, “Such a bullshitter. Such a bullshitter!”
Brooke’s fatal errors will not be sending her home. Instead, the choice comes down to Josie’s cooking vs. Stefan’s personality. When Emeril states that he had a similar meal to Stefan’s “two flights ago,” I believe that Stefan is the choice for elimination. Padma clearly wants him gone. Colicchio disagrees, stating that he found Josie’s dish inedible. As is ordinarily the case on Top Chef, the head judge wins this argument and Josie is finally eliminated, a week too late.
Josie’s removal from the competition does lead to the epic showdown at Last Chance Kitchen that I had requested at the start of the column. Kristen appears focused and hungry when she sees her opponent. I described the face-off between John Tesar and CJ as a grudge match, but that was because of personalities. Josie’s failures led to Kristen’s elimination from Top Chef. This is a much more epic showdown.
Kristen is right to be bitter and while she comports herself with dignity when they drive together to retrieve their ingredients, the emotions teeming below the surface are unmistakable. Tom largely stays out of the way and lets the proceedings speak for themselves. Eventually, Kristen makes a mistake that she feels is unforgivable yet her dish still reigns supreme in the end. Kristen beats Josie at Last Chance Kitchen to maintain her status in the competition. Josie will be the least missed contestant since at least Robin Leventhal in season 6 if not Lisa Fernandes in season 4.