The Amazing Race Recap:
Season Finale Part I
By Daron Aldridge
December 10, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com

We hate the twins so much that we refuse to post a picture of them on our site.

This is it…sort of. I guess, technically, this is the first part of “it” because the producers decided to wring an extra hour out of this season’s finale.

As Phil gives us a recap of the four remaining teams and their positives and negatives, it is unusual to me that there is no reference to the twins’ sticky fingers act of thievery. Maybe they are hopeful that we, the audience, will forget. Well, I, admittedly, will not let you forget.

So here we go again as the teams likely leave Spain.

Off of the mat in first at 9:32 a.m. is Team Longhorn Trey & Lexi. Their clue instructs them to fly to Barcelona and then take the train to Loire Valley, France. The next clue will be waiting for them on the window of a piece of product placement. Since neither BOP nor I are getting compensated for such placement, I elect to not mention this manufacturer.

Wisely, Trey explains that despite the alliance with Team Beefcake and Team Despicable, this is a race for a million dollars and they will do what they need to in order to win.

Almost 15 minutes later, Jaymes & James are anxiously waiting to rip into their clue. We know that Jaymes (blond with a “y”) is on the Race to help his sick dad but his counterpart has been quiet when familial motivations is brought up. The other James from Jaymes & James explains that he is just a mama’s boy and wants to help his mother retire from a life of helping special needs kids. Wow…if both these stories are true; how can you not root for them?

At 10:27 a.m., Team Beekman leaves the mat in an unfamiliar place: not last. The promise of visiting France excites Josh; so he can dust off his bilingualism. They are also motivated to get to the final three to show that people shouldn’t have underestimated them. If anything, I overestimated their abilities before the season started and felt they would go this far. I am glad that I don’t have money riding on this show because this is one of the very few instances when I have correctly predicted how a team would fare sight unseen.

Finally, the Speed Bump-pending Team Despicable takes up time on my TV. The twins explain that since they are in an alliance with Trey & Lexi and Jaymes & James, these other teams will do what they can to help him get to the finals in place of Team Beekman. The twins conclude that they “want it more” than Josh & Brent. Even after running nearly all the legs of the Race, Natalie & Nadiya don’t quite seem to grasp the true intent of the Amazing Race. There is only ONE team that will get the million dollars, plus all the U-Turns have likely been played, so I am not sure what magical powers the others will be able to use on the Beekmans to the favor of the twins.

As expected, all the teams have hopped on the same plane and the same train. On the train, the brain trust alliance of teams that don’t have Josh & Brent on them are openly discussing working together. Of course, this collection of teams that are clearly not as smart as they think they are fails to realize that Josh & Brent are sitting in a train car about 15 feet away. Team Beekman explains that they are choosing to not let this formerly secret alliance demoralize them but rather motivate them even more. All the awkwardness is now behind us (for the moment), as they arrive in France.

In an example of pushing product placement to the next ludicrous level, the teams have to specifically use the nifty new “hands-free” gate opening feature of their SUV from a certain car sponsor. It will crack me up if a team is penalized for not performing this task that is nothing more than a showcase of a vehicle the show was paid to feature. Anyway, the teams have to pick up eight empty crates from a coffee vendor and drive to the Chateau de Villandry and find a stone dog statue on the grounds of the huge garden.


Taking the producers’ bait, the teams enthusiastically use the vehicle as if it was a commercial audition…oh wait, it was. With the aligned teams scrambling to find directions to the chateau, Josh & Brent adopt the smart strategy to hang back and follow them. They rationalize that since there are only four teams left and the twins have a Speed Bump ahead, then there is no reason for them to try to branch out and potentially get lost. Of course, the twins feel like the guys are riding their coattails and simply don’t deserve to be there as much as them. Their new disdain for Team Beekman means I now am rooting for them. What’s that phrase? “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Once on the grounds, Team Beekman’s Josh is the only one to know French, so the others obviously jump at the directions given to him. Who are the coattail riders now, Natalie & Nadiya? While the girls are bitter and vocally gunning for the Beekmans, Team Beefcake seems legitimately impressed by Josh & Brent’s newfound drive. Aside from the secret French-speaking weapon, Jaymes points about that apparently Josh has a bionic ankle because he is sprinting and keeping up with all the teams at the chateau.

All the teams get their next clue and are pointed to Leonardo da Vinci’s final resting place Chateau d’Amboise. Well…all of the teams except the twins, who have already found their Speed Bump for this leg. The girls have to find a specific room at the Chateau de Villandry and help a lady correctly lace up a corset. Once she is properly in costume, they get their clue. On a scale of difficult to lame, this Speed Bump is pretty much lame. It could easily be substituted with the equally challenging “stop and tie your own shoes twice” task.

As all the teams are running to their prospective tasks, the twins shout several things to the alliance, which all boil down to them losing the Beekmans on the way to the next clue. Brent is not willing to just let it be dished out and politely replies to the other, “You don’t have to leave us behind…you don’t have to listen to these bitches.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s the nerves talking here for the girls, who seem slighted that their “dream team alliance” is leaving them behind. Yeah…because you have an additional task, and they want to win a million dollars and not a life-long friendship with you pair of harpies.

As soon as the other teams are at their cars, Team Beekman is quickly welcomed into the fold because Josh speaks French and can get the directions/location of da Vinci’s burial place. Off they go to Amboise. Granted, Josh & Brent aren’t the best with directions.

Meanwhile, as expected, the easiest challenge of the season is completed by the twins without issue and they are on their way.

Teams Beefcake, Beekman and Longhorn are all at the next clue and are presented with the Detour options of Chow or Plow. For Chow, they have to chop up various cuts of meat to create a balanced meal for a pack of hunting dogs and then lay it out in the feeding courtyard to get their clue. For Plow, they have to use a horse and plow to till four burrows in a field to get their clue.

The catch on Plow is that only two teams can attempt it at a time. Once again, Josh & Brent employ a wise strategy to hang back and let the other two impulsive teams make a choice. Then they will know which way to go. Team Beefcake is opting for Plow and thinks that Trey & Lexi will do the same but they are wrong. Trey & Lexi go with Chow and Team Beekman follows suit. Now it’s just a matter of who gets to their task first.

The Texans immediately regret telling Josh & Brent that they would wait for them, so they can potentially help one another at the Detour. As they wait for the guys, the twins arrive at the location but don’t encounter the other teams, so there is a little bit of time separating them. Well, Texas didn’t wait too long, and leave before the Beekmans make it back around to their meeting spot. Like a team that actually gets the intent of the Race, Josh & Brent don’t seem the least bit upset by this slight.

Upon arriving at the Detour location, Trey & Lexi decide to forgo Chow and attempt Plow first. They are the first team to arrive. Lexi thinks the plow will be right up their alley because she was “born and raised in Texas.” As someone else who was born and raised in Texas, I take offense by Lexi perpetuating the stereotypes that all Texans grew up on a farm with horses. But I digress. Apparently, she overestimated her “innate” ability to work with a horse because they are struggling to make a straight line with the plow, which is required.

Beefcakes and Beekmans are on the scene now but can’t find the designated parking area. This parking hiccup is all it takes for the twins to catch up and now all the teams are clumped together again. At this point, I am thinking of calling foul on the producers, who it seems are doing everything in their power to ensure Natalie & Nadiya are in the finals. First, there was last week’s extremely late in the game non-elimination that just happened to spare them and now, they have been tasked with the simplest Speed Bump in the show’s history. You can’t see it but I am shaking my head in disgust.

At Chow, the twins are lobbing accusations that Josh & Brent are now the “evil gays” but confirm that they didn’t just become evil but have been that way the entire Race, unlike Josh & Brent. For the first time, I will not disagree with something Natalie & Nadiya have said. During the Detour, Josh & Brent get inside the heads of the twins by planting the seed that they probably can’t beat out the other teams in their alliance but they could likely beat Josh & Brent. Also, their unceasing talking is a nice distraction to the twins.

Back at the manual labor task, Team Beefcake is starting while Trey & Lexi are making solid headway. So it’s official: the Chow task makes for way better TV than Plow. Team Beekman has finished chopping and is working on presenting the food in the proper way, buffet-style. As Josh & Brent are weighing out the last part of dog food, the twins are more distracted by the progress the guys are making than making progress themselves. Grumble…grumble.

Before Team Beekman can finish up, Trey & Lexi get a “thumbs up” for their plowing handiwork. They are now heading to La Cave des Roches. Still, before Team Beekman can finish, Jaymes & James are also done and given their clue. Okay…now Team Beekman is finished and is off to the next stop. With Team Despicable not too far behind (I will not be fooled again into thinking they are going home until it actually happens), it’s an actual race this leg.

Of course, with Josh & Brent leaving the Detour before them, one of the twins disgustingly says, “The Gays bloody beat us…” I personally can’t tell if the disgust in her voice is from a competitive or homophobic side. Because the tone in which she says “Gays” makes me lean to the latter of those two choices.

Team Longhorn is the first at the caves and it’s the Roadblock. The chosen person has to search these manmade caves for three different types of mushrooms. Once they find each one, they have to collect ten of them to turn over to a local for their clue. Lexi is the one up for the task and examines the example mushrooms but immediately finds that the caves are dark, cold and confusing, plus there are more types of mushrooms down there than just the three they need.

Team Beefcake is now at the caves and Jaymes chooses to do the Roadblock. It appears that Josh & Brent don’t like having any semblance of a lead on the twins because they are twisted around again on the road. As they course correct, Team Despicable finishes the Detour and is heading their way.

In the caves, Lexi is having a devil of a time navigating her way around in the dark and Jaymes may or may not be catching up. It’s difficult to tell with this task. This one may just be the task that allows it to be anyone’s game.

Jaymes swings and misses on his first attempt. As he ventures back underground, Lexi has finally found her way out and is good to go. She did it right on the first attempt and Team Longhorn is off to the Pit Stop, which a local says is only two kilometers away.

With his fingers crossed and using the power of positive thinking, Jaymes attempts again to get approval from the mushroom man. The second try was a good one and he now has the clue. But if the Pit Stop is really that close, they will have to settle for second place.

Well, that answers that question. Trey & Lexi were given erroneous directions and the castle they are looking for is about 15 minutes away. So Team Beefcake actually has a shot at getting there first.

The directionally challenged Team Beekman has squandered away their lead and then some, as the twins arrive at the Roadblock before them. Sorry, I spoke too soon. The not-too-bright twins foolishly run immediately into the not-too-bright caves without actually locating their clue first. But Josh & Brent have arrived and are debating which of them will handle the Roadblock. This time it will be Brent.

The twins fix their misstep and Natalie is on Roadblock duty for them.

The sprint to the Pit Stop is under way and has Jaymes & James and Trey & Lexi searching the massive castle grounds for Phil. The first ones on the mat and the winners of a new pair of SUVs is…Team Beefcake. James (brown hair) is ecstatic because he planned to give the new car to his mother, who is in desperate need of transportation. I am thrilled, too, because I still have a team to root for to win the money. That puts Trey & Lexi as team number two.

In the caves, Natalie keeps her head about her while Brent is flustered and getting lost in the dark. Natalie emerges first from the cave and gets her clue. It’s looking bleak again for the Beekmans.

As they drive off, Brent finally finds his way out and gets the clue. Josh estimates that the girls are about ten minutes ahead of them, but with directions and both of these teams, it is still up in the air. And that is what is happening…to both of them. The girls are heading in the wrong direction and the guys are detoured by construction.

Cue the dramatic editing and slo-mo cuts…and the last of the teams to make it to the finals is Team Beekman. YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!! The twins are eliminated. In their final interview, the girls actually say something introspective. They feel they will take away from the race that they should channel their potential into something positive and not all the craziness. Yet, they can’t even keep a straight face when they offer the standard, “we have each other, which is worth more than a million dollars” line. This is then followed by an eye roll and the second time they say something I agree with… “We suck.” They say it with sarcasm but I choose to take it at face value.

With only non-Despicable teams remaining, I feel so much better about the finale. The Beekmans continue to be the cockroaches of the season, proving again and again that you don’t need to be first, just not last. But I don’t think that strategy will be as effective on the last leg when you HAVE to be first.

Team Beefcake remains the one I am rooting for, just to prove that nice guys can finish first. And Team Longhorn is probably the most deserving from an ability perspective but all three have survived up to this point because of something they have done right.

So, come back tomorrow to see how it all ends.