Top Chef: Seattle Recap
By David Mumpower
November 13, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
History tells us that an average of 17 entrants over the past five seasons have battled for the title of Top Chef. After a third of the season premiere, only ten have been introduced. Less half of them have already qualified to advance to the main competition. At this point, the numbers game is pointing to a smaller batch than usual. Top Chef has included at least 16 participants every competition since season 4 (Miami). If that trend will continue, we will meet a lot of players in a short period of time.
While typing all of the above, I am struck by a notion. John Tesar must have a tremendous amount of culinary star power if he has attained this much of the focus. Some of the people yet to be introduced may garner less than a minute of airtime. This time crunch-caused reduction in personalities is what happened to the already eliminated Tina. She can claim she was on Top Chef but the video barely supports the argument. I notice that even in the show promos where the players wave at the camera, someone else’s hand obscures her face. It simply wasn’t meant to be, Tina.
Rather than introducing new contenders, the show changes back from Las Vegas to Tom Colicchio’s Craft once more. Tom describes the idea behind placing the contestants in a real kitchen this evening. He seeks to research their cooking behavior in a normal setting. Lizzie is the only one who seems comfortable in this cutthroat environment. Anthony, on the other hand, has mopped up the sweat on his brow yet his camera discussion details his continued paranoia. Anthony is as overwhelmed as any Top Chef participant I can ever recall.
Before the Craft outing is complete, the setting changes to a few miles over in Beverly Hills, California. Wolfgang Puck is holding court at Cut, his high profile steakhouse. I gushed over Puck in Part One, but it bears repeating. He is a hilarious, brutally honest culinary idol. His presence captures my attention and not just because he threw a doughnut 30 feet the last time he appeared on Top Chef.
At least one of the contestants is familiar with him. Carla Pellegrino was previously married to Frank Pellegrino Jr., owner of Rao’s of New York. If his name as well as the restaurant sound familiar to Top Chef viewers, they should. He and his father appeared on an episode of Top Chef: All-Stars entitled An Offer They Can’t Refuse. Lorraine Bracco of The Sopranos requested that chefs create an authentic Italian dinner at arguably the most authentic Italian restaurant in the United States. Suffice to say that as a former executive chef and part-owner of Rao’s, Pellegrino is well known in the restaurant industry. In her own way, she is every bit as accredited as Tesar if not more so.
Like his counterparts, Puck indicates that he has the freedom to ship all six participants to Seattle. Thus far, Pellegrino is the only one given any attention. So I like her chances. The other three women and two men do not appear intimidated by their surroundings, putting them ahead of their peers in Los Angeles and Las Vegas in this regard.
Wolfgang Puck, whose 20-piece cooking set would make a wonderful Christmas gift from any of my loved ones reading this, recounts his omelet story once again. I see him on television about once a year yet I know the details well enough to tell it as my own. Puck’s first tutor asked him to make an omelet. It didn’t go well. Ever since then, Puck has judged himself as well as all of his potential protégés by the quality of their omelets.
Tyler Wiard of Elway’s Restaurant Group (as in John Elway) is next to speak. He excitedly states, “I’m an omelet away from Seattle. Holy shit! I just say to myself. Don’t let this omelet intimidate you.” Daniel O’Brien of Seasonal Pantry is next to speak. Basically, he brags about himself and how many cooking awards he has won. While a strange comment to make in the Wolfgang Puck heat, I have never been a fan of shameless self-promotion. I am now rooting against Daniel.
The marvelously named Kuniko Yagi of Comme Ça is the first one to speak. She recounts the manner through which a Japanese banker became an American chef. She firmly states that she is hoping to earn the respect of her parents through her Top Chef performance. Daniel interrupts her to inject some vaguely racist comment about origami. The intent is to undermine her confidence. The actual impact is that she blows him off, something I presume to be Daniel’s ordinary outcome with women.
My favorite moment of the show is a silly one. Wolfgang has been snacking on ingredients as he interacts with the potentials. For whatever reason, he point blank tells Eliza, owner of 221 South Oak Bistro in Telluride, that he wants some steak. In a goofy yet impossibly winning voice, she replies, “If Wolfgang wants steak, Eliza’s gonna cook him steak.” Eliza instantly becomes my favorite contestant this season.
As Eliza continues to enjoy her moment in the spotlight, Carla creates quite the ruckus beside her. At this point, Carla is revealed to be a drama queen. She chatters non-stop during the challenge, she distracts her fellow competitors and she complains about the functionality of the stove she intends to use. Tesar and Carla appear destined for a melodramatic showdown in the coming weeks.
“The stove is like a woman. It never does what it’s supposed to do.” – Wolfgang Puck, a man who makes misogyny fun.
Almost none of the omelets go well. Carla burns hers. Eliza ruins hers to the point that she has to recycle her mise en place in order to embark upon a second attempt. Tyler overcooks the omelet so much that he puts a salad on top in order to hide the improper discoloration. And Daniel uses waaaay too much fat. He winds up serving an omelet with “a residue of grease on it”. All joking aside, I expect this mistake to eliminate Daniel.
Frankly, I do not feel great about any of their chances given the appearance of the dishes they serve. There is only one exception. Chrissy delivers a torta omelet with lobster and bacon that looks worthy of a magazine cover. I am too distracted to appreciate the dish properly, though. Who in the Blue Hell is Chrissy? I am not sure she has spoken in the entire episode prior to presenting her dish.
Wolfgang mentions that Chrissy’s dish could have used a little salt. I would argue that her performance could have used a little spice. I’m wondering if this is another Tina scenario where the contestant is so nondescript that she earns no air time.
All of the dishes absorb the caustic Puck honesty. Tyler’s dish is imperfect but balanced well. Kuniko is informed that her “technique is almost there." Hooray? Puck is nicer to Daniel than the contender had expected. “If I could eat it in the dark and not see it, I would like it.” This is the kindness displayed toward a person who has failed; Puck lets him down gently. Eliza is told that she has crafted a “tasty omelet” but she is not given a jacket immediately, either. Finally, Carla receives the strangest comment thus far. “It looks like a woman with a lot of makeup on.”
Given the above, would you have any idea who was advancing or who was not? Me either. Ergo, I am shocked when Puck announces that five out of the six players will earn a spot in Seattle. All of them believe that they are the one who has been eliminated. As I had expected, however, Daniel’s mistake is egregious. Everyone else is safe. We now know the identities of nine Top Chef: Seattle participants. And Daniel grunts his displeasure to the camera. I drink his tears like the finest wine.
In Atlanta, Georgia, Huch Acheson assembles the remaining Top Chef hopefuls. There are three women and two men in this heat. One of them immediately introduces himself as “a kid from Hawaii." Mahalo, Sheldon Simeon! Wait, there is a native Hawaiian named Sheldon Simeon? All of my years spent watching college football have misled me regarding the state’s naming conventions. I blame Chris Fuamatu-Ma?afala. Anyway, Sheldon gets a lot of face time during his segment. He appears likely to advance based on this focus.
Two time Top Chef Masters loser Hugh Acheson informs the contenders of their requirement. The quintet is given 45 minutes to create a salad. My wife immediately starts humming the tune to The Simpsons’ “You don’t win friends with salad” bit. I bitterly curse myself for not thinking of it first.
The next player who garners a lot of face time is Bart. Wait a moment. Apparently, I should announce him as Sir Bart Vandaele, Knight of the Order of the Crown of Belgium. How a chef came to recognized with such a lofty title escapes me but I think we can agree that this is a very cool casting idea. If Bart has yet to grace the cover of Food and Wine Magazine while he is decked out in a suited of armor, this is a shocking omission that must be corrected immediately. There is no way a Knight of the Order of the Crown will fail to qualify for Top Chef: Seattle.
Gina Keatley is the first of the three women to be featured. I instantly despise her. She boasts during her initial comments that she enjoys running over people who are unwilling to acquiesce to her demands. Such people have historically fared poorly on Top Chef. Hung Huynh from Season 3 is the only winner who demonstrated such behavior and Hung is a different case since he was a preparation animal in the kitchen, probably the finest in the history of the competition. Gina, on the other hand, seems like an entitled brat.
My opinion of her spills over into the next introduction. Danyele McPherson of Dallas, Texas, is so fixated upon food preparation that she is curt with Hugh Acheson. For no apparent reason, Gina offers commentary on her fellow competitor. Danyele is “flaring her tomatoes." Ignoring the double entendre opportunities, I instead take note of Gina’s depiction of such cooking behavior as “ridiculously amateurish." I also note that while the viewer can never be 100% confident when such commentary is performed, Gina seems dialed up emotionally as she speaks. My suspicion is that this is her post-elimination rant. If true, Danyele is going to Seattle as well while Gina is green with envy. Please oh please oh please.
The fifth and final contestant is finally revealed. Her name is Brooke and she gets exactly 11 seconds of face time prior to Hugh’s judging of the dishes. What we learn about Brooke is that she has a son. That’s it. Good luck in working on her biography.
This segment is by far the shortest of the four. John Tesar probably received more attention than all five of these entrants combined. Hugh is already prepared to judge the dishes only four minutes after Sheldon’s first words. Sheldon’s dish is criticized for two reasons: he has used an ingredient that is three months out of season and there is not enough vinaigrette. Sir Bart is not criticized per se. Hugh simply states that “there is a lot going on." What an inscrutable reply.
Brooke, who we know is a mother (I work with what I’ve got, people), delivers some “awesome” fried kale. In spite of the inattention shown to her during the segment, Brooke quickly becomes the first of these five players to advance to Seattle. That was unexpected. Judging from Hugh’s reaction, however, Brooke may be a legitimate contender for the title of Top Chef this season.
The final two women are insecure, bitchy Gina and laser-focused Danyele. Hugh describes Gina’s dish as “weighty” then notes that some aspects of the dish are overcooked. She tries to manipulate him emotionally by requesting “Don’t make me cry.” This seems to aggravate Hugh more than anything else. While the judge likes Danyele’s dish, he does provide the same appraisal that Gina had mentioned. The flavor contains a bit of “propaneyness."
The remaining four potentials in the kitchen demonstrate a bundle of nerves as Hugh begins to speak. He echoes the comments from Wolfgang Puck earlier. He is not simply seeking players who have produced quality dishes. He is targeting candidates who he deems capable of winning Top Chef. Only three members of the quartet are capable in his estimation. As I had anticipated, Gina falls short of the mark while the knight, the Hawaiian and Little Miss Propaneyness are headed to Seattle. So the identities of 13 Top Chef contestants this season have been identified. Only the remaining group at Craft is unsettled.
As a reminder, the four Craft workers still battling are the two sweaty guys, the handlebar mustache guy and the horny South African Colicchio stalker. They probably have real names but you know the deal. Having previously aced the tortellini test, Lizzie now impresses Tom with her pasta. I am ready to call her a mortal lock for Seattle. Meanwhile, Colicchio himself comments on Anthony’s tentative behavior. He is content to stand back in the kitchen rather than step up.
Tom also compliments Micah for his duck. What he is truly appreciating, though, is Micah’s leadership in the kitchen. This is Micah’s element, his home. Any previous issues the contender had demonstrated with fear have been long since dismissed. Micah too appears likely to advance to Seattle.
Handlebar Mustache Guy is less fortunate. I probably should look up his name again yet I don’t see the point. He has just served a dish to Tom that causes the Top Chef host to recoil. Tom goes the extra step to ask one of his Craft employees to sample the flavor as well. Both agree that the prevalence of salt overwhelms the dish. Tom decides not to serve his dish to the customer. Yikes. Handlebar Mustache Guy will not be joining Rollie Fingers in the Hall of Fame any time soon. And not just because he is a chef rather than a baseball player.
Anthony is the final potential Top Chef whose fate is undetermined, assuming I am reading the tea leaves correctly. His odds seem long in that he has given in to panic thus far. To Anthony's credit, however, when he does begin to cook, he recovers admirably. Tom notes that a dish is "seasoned perfectly," which re-energizes the struggling man. From that moment forward, Anthony displays the expertise that led to his being one of the 21 possible Top Chef: Seattle competitors. The question becomes whether his delicious food is enough to overcome his tentative nature.
Alas, the answer is no. Tom reveals the identities of the players who will move on to Seattle. The first name announced is John Tesar. The remaining four players are shocked. They all believed he had been eliminated almost immediately. Then, Lizzie is given the great news that she will advance. She overcomes the urge to pin Tom on the ground and thank him the Biblical way. For now. This is probably a good time to inform Lizzie that Tom is married. Somehow, I doubt that she cares, though.
Jorel is quickly eliminated for his too-salty fondue. Soon afterward, Anthony is informed that he “just missed the mark." Even if this is true, Anthony comported himself the way that everyone should. Undeterred by his initial struggles, he overcame those failures and wound up presenting some great dishes. I hope he is given another chance at some point.
Micah is a bit nervous as the final person standing in front of Tom. The host tortures him just a bit before revealing that Micah has become the 15th and final participant for Top Chef: Seattle. As I speculated earlier, this is the smallest group of contestants since Season 3. There is also a tremendous pedigree at the top of the list, indicating that we are poised for a great season. And I think we all look forward to the John Tesar meltdowns.