Survivor: Phillipines - Episode 5
Got My Swag Back
By Ben Willoughby
October 18, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Matsing’s continued suckiness and the absence of Tandang and Kalabaw from four successive Tribal Councils means that the only substantive change to this week’s Survivor rankings is a lack of Russell.
Tandang
1. Pete
Pete’s move this week was framing RC for taking the immunity idol clue. It provided a piece of drama for Tandang – and I’m grateful for that because Tandang is so boring – but we’ll see how this plays out for him over the long run. If he is able to start fights between other castaways while staying on the sidelines, Boston Rob-style, then great. But it’s going to catch up with him sooner or later.
2. Abi
Abi is shaping up as Survivor’s answer to Cersei Lannister. She is prickly and only sees things her way. RC complained last episode that Abi is not a rational player, but at the most basic level Abi is playing a rational game. She dumped her existing alliance for a better one. She wants the people she suspects eliminated. It’s rational – but just like Cersei Lannister’s plans, it’s for short-term advantage, it’s not sophisticated and it doesn’t require her to be pleasant to people. None of this is going to help Abi build alliances or be popular at the final Tribal Council. If she makes it to the end, she’s going to be Hantz-ed.
3. Lisa
I was thrilled that Lisa found a Survivor strategy that plays to her strengths and does not break her moral code – keeping her mouth shut and pretending to listen while other people are bitching. It’s a passive strategy, which might be helpful getting to the end-game but less helpful in winning it.
4. Artis
I keep waiting for Artis to explode. He hasn’t yet. So I keep reminding myself to be patient.
5. RC
If Abi is Cersei Lannister, RC is Ned Stark. As noted above, RC complained about Abi not being a rational player. Obviously we know a lot more than RC does and we’re seeing edited footage, but when a rational player has been blown off repeatedly by their alliance “partner”, they don’t continue to believe in their alliance. I have to question how rational a game RC has been playing.
It looks like she has a clue now, but it also looks too late to do much about it. Her play is “who would you rather be in an alliance with, someone who can set out her arguments logically and clearly, or a crazy person who has no chance of winning?” Anyway, start fighting, RC.
6. Michael
Michael is the returning player who has been getting the least attention. It’s a busy season to keep up with everyone, with Jonathan and Russell being the go-tos for interview, and two actual celebrities to check in on each week, but we only ever see Michael when he is self-harming. I’m sure he’s aware of what’s happening at camp between Abi and RC and what this may mean for him, but we don’t know what he plans to do about it.
Kalabaw
1. Jeff Kent
This week, we saw Jeff Kent cement an alliance with Jonathan and claim that he can “control some people." We’ll see how much control he actually has – or maybe we won’t, given the hints in this week’s preview. But until he is medically evacuated, or something game-related actually happens at Kalabaw, Jeff Kent is #1.
2. Jonathan
Hidden immunity idol + five fingers from Jeff Kent means he is no longer the tribe outsider. But one patronizing conversation with Carter notwithstanding, he still doesn’t have any form of relationship with anyone else on the tribe.
3. Carter
We know Carter is on board with Jeff Kent and Jonathan. That’s enough to shift him up a spot for this week. It seems that his alliance was with Katie and Dawson, and that he’s comfortable burning that to go with Jonathan and Jeff Kent. That just shows he’s a bad player. The smart move would be to keep the Kalabaw alliance with five members and be the swing vote within that five.
4. Dawson
We haven’t seen the fall-out from last week, and whether Jeff Kent and Carter have kept Dawson and Katie in the loop about what’s going on with Jonathan. But Jeff Kent referred to “people” he controls which is more than just Carter, while Dawson and Katie did not look thrilled at the prospect of an alliance with Dana. I’ll keep Dawson at #4 for now, but only because we haven’t actually seen anything happen.
5. Katie
Invisible Katie remains at #5.
6. Dana
Poor Dana.
Matsing
In Malcolm’s words, Matsing looks destined for complete annihilation. At this point, their only hope is an immunity challenge that combines diving and counseling. We will see what happens with merged tribes and whatnot, but I wonder if Matsing are safer staying where they are – competing in challenges and hoping they can come through with a win, or at least a non-loss.
If Matsing does get split between Tandang and Kalabaw, I don’t see it making much difference. Tandang has a majority alliance of four with two outsiders, so anyone new is just an extra. Kalabaw looks like it is five (or four and a medevac), and if that’s the case anyone joining that tribe is toast. If it turns out to be three and three, then whoever joins the tribe will instantly become very valuable. We’ll see if a tribe switch flushes these issues out, but for the moment we’ll look at Matsing as a still-intact tribe.
1. Malcolm
I love Denise, but if Matsing loses a fifth straight challenge, Malcolm is better at starting fires.
2. Denise
I was tempted to keep Denise at #1 because with her particular set of skills, she’s going to find it easier to fit in with a new tribe than Malcolm. But Matsing actually has to get to a merge situation before that happens. Start practicing with that flint, Denise, because a “we’re going to matches” scenario is not on the cards.
Day 10 and Matsing is down to two members. We get some night shots of Malcolm and Denise shivering, and speculating how a tribe switch would go down. Next morning, we are still at Matsing. Nothing is happening except rain, and they have no tarp, because they haven’t won anything. Malcolm and Denise get a note to go to a conveniently-timed reward challenge, which is a huge relief because I don’t want to watch another episode beginning with everyone on the tribe agreeing on what a bunch of miserable losers they are.
Malcolm and Denise have a sense that something might be up - or maybe it's in the clue, because it's been seasons since I've listened to any lame Survivor challenge rhymes. Anyway, since they realize that this could be their last time at the Matsing camp they immediately go off looking for the idol together. There are plenty of money shots of them looking in the background while ignoring the monkey symbol in the foreground. They even take off the lid and search through the basket of rice without finding anything. Both Malcolm and Denise talk about how they feel like clueless idiots.
But then they decide to re-check the rice basket, and Denise checks underneath while Malcolm grabs at the lid. He has the idol, and Denise is surprisingly thrilled and excited and they do their Matsing alliance finger-twiddling gesture.
In interview, Denise interviews with her usual rationality that they have the idol, but if they are split into other tribes, then she is on her own.
Reward challenge! Tandang and Kalabaw get their first look at the new Russell-free Matsing tribe. Michael looks stunned that a returnee is not returning while everyone else wonders “what’s the deal with Denise?” Probst asks Lisa what she thinks about the “decimated” Matsing tribe. Probst needs a new word – what is the Latin for two-thirds? Lisa correctly points out that you can look at Matsing as “two people who have prevailed."
But before the challenge gets underway, Probst orders Denise and Malcolm to drop their buffs! Matsing is no more, and will be absorbed into Kalabaw and Tandang. Malcolm and Denise reach into a bag to get their new buffs – and Malcolm is going to Tandang while Denise is on Kalabaw. They go to join their new tribes.
There’s still a challenge to describe! Two people - one from each tribe – will face off gladiator style. But instead of tridents or bat’leths, each person will hold a stand with an idol balanced on top, and they will try to knock the other person’s idol to the ground. The first person whose idol touches the ground loses. The first tribe to five victories wins reward.
Jeff introduces the reward as coffee, tea, biscuits - which are clearly muffins - and cookies. Cookies! So sorry you missed this, Angie!
First up, it’s Jeff Kent and Malcolm, and both knock off the other’s idol but Malcolm’s hits the ground first. Next are Artis and Dana, and since Artis is about four feet taller than Dana and could probably win by holding his idol up Statue of Liberty-style and waiting for Dana to trip over, he wins easily.
Katie beats Lisa to draw Kalabaw ahead, and then Michael throws his idol high in the air and dives at Jonathan’s idol knocking it to the ground before his own idol falls to earth. Nice, unexpected tactic, and it’s tied again.
RC takes on Denise, who uses a similar tactic to Michael to win, and then Pete overcomes Carter and it’s 3-3.
Dawson against Abi, and Jonathan calls out “send her up Dawson’s Creek!” Oh Jonathan, you’ve been out there ten days and you’re a professional writer. Can’t you do any better? Dawson makes a move for Abi’s hair, which backfires when Abi knocks off Dawson’s idol. “I didn’t mean to,” lies Dawson, and Abi retorts “Play like a man, not like a bitch!” Tandang is up 4-3.
Malcolm and Jeff Kent face off in what turns out to be the last round, because Malcolm wins and Tandang wins reward! Malcolm is so happy to have finally won something that his voice breaks when he mentions having sugar tonight, while Denise looks strained but says she’s happy to have a new family. Maybe she’s wondering if she’s cursed?
Jonathan interviews that he “likes this lady but would have preferred Malcolm." Because now Tandang has the cookies and the coffee and all the advantages those bring!
After the commercial, Malcolm interviews that with a new buff, an immunity idol that morning and a challenge win in the afternoon, he has got his “swag back." We see a clip of Tandang toasting each other with their cookies and muffins, while Malcolm continues that he will be looking for a crack to get himself wedged in there.
All of Tandang seems to be really happy to have someone new to talk to, which makes sense because I’d be tired of everyone on Tandang by Day 3. Lisa interviews that Malcolm hasn’t brought any negative energy to the tribe, which she seems happy about for some reason. If I were her, I’d be wanting someone who would make an easy target later on.
RC interviews that she would be better positioned had Denise come over to Tandang, because she would have been easier to get on her side. Meanwhile, Pete and Malcolm are high-fiving each other because they are both 24. RC says that having a new person join and be accepted is hard because she was bullied in school. So RC does the thing you do when you feel alone on your tribe, and goes out to have a swim.
Still, with RC, she says that time has to be on her side because she needs time and “hopefully time to flirt with Malcolm." Oh RC – so you think there’s no way of getting Malcolm on your side other than flirting with him? We see RC give Malcolm a close-body hug after he starts a fire.
We cross to Pete now, who sees an opportunity to bring in Malcolm and get rid of Michael. With another strong guy around, who needs him? Pete lays out the plan to Malcolm – “Dude, don’t go with them”- who probably can’t believe this has fallen into his lap. “Sick,” he keeps saying. Pete even blabs that his alliance has the idol and no one knows about it. In interview, Malcolm compares himself to a stud football player from a rival town, and he’s obviously enjoying it a lot.
Denise leads Kalabaw back to camp, like she knows the way. She repeats the “new family” talking point from the reward challenge, and says that she’ll have to do everything she can to prove that she has value.
Katie says in interview that she, Dawson and Dana are in an alliance – so much for my theory that it was five against one – and they need Denise to make it work. She is hoping that Denise will go with them and won’t listen to the guys. Even though two of the guys are her age and she probably has more in common with them than a bunch of young women pushing “girl power."
The rain is bucketing down, and everyone is quietly huddling in camp. Dana is burrowed under a tarp and Denise points out to everyone that Dana does not look like she is feeling good. Dana says that she cannot shake the cold, and that she is feeling dizzy, nauseous and has a sharp pain in her stomach that has been getting worse. So to make sure we get the idea, we see her lumber out of the shelter to go barf.
Jonathan interviews that it’s freezing and he’s a big fat guy so it doesn’t affect him that much, while Dana “weighs 47 pounds” so it has a big impact on her. And then when the rain stops, Jonathan – who is clearly the only person the producers consider qualified to talk about anything on Kalabaw – says that Dana is shutting down. Medical arrives on the scene.
Probst sighting! He can’t see Dana until he realizes that she is under the tarp. Dana crawls out from underneath, and watching this now from her comfortable home, she is probably very relieved that she didn’t follow Jonathan’s advice to “get naked."
Dawson says how excited she was that Probst was visiting camp and how she would have typically jumped on Probst, but with Dana possibly dying, “it just wasn’t good timing." Vomit and stomach pains just ruin the mood. Saddest celebrity crush ever.
Dana is with the doctor and Probst asks Dana to describe the pain so he can relate to it! Dana describes it as being “like a knife” and it comes and goes. The doctor says that it sounds like an infection, that it is not life-threatening and they can keep Dana in the game for another 12 hours or so and then see how she is going.
Jeff explains to Dana that the only time the medical team can pull someone from the game is when they decide the castaway cannot last another moment, and for legal reasons involving chances at a million dollar prize, it has to be Dana’s decision. “What do you want to do?” asks Probst. Cut to commercial.
“I can’t stay here. I can’t be out here sick any more,” Dana says after commercial. After getting her to say it several different ways to satisfy the lawyers, Probst calls over the rest of Kalabaw to explain the situation and say goodbye, and then has to start some sort of discussion because Dana is in too much pain to say goodbye properly. So he asks Jonathan to talk a bit about how he felt with he was medically evacuated, blah blah blah.
Everyone says comforting things about Dana and as she is loaded into the boat they say, “love you so much,” which always sounds hollow when you know they probably won’t see each other again ever after the reunion show. Denise is probably standing around awkwardly at this point.
There are no final words from Dana. Poor Dana.
In interview, Katie bemoans that “Dana leaving the game screws up everything” and “this could not have happened at a worse time." I know what Katie is saying because she still has a game to play, but that’s some gear-shifting editing.
Immunity challenge! Denise carries Kalabaw’s idol in, probably because it’s the first chance she has had to touch it. The members of Tandang learn about Dana’s leaving the game, and then they are attacked by an enormous bug! Seriously, the thing is as big as Artis’ thumb! Omen?
The challenge will begin with both tribes clambering over obstacles like a net and a ditch to reach a raised drawbridge, which they have to release by untying knots. Once the drawbridge is lowered, they will chop through a two-by-four to cut a rope, releasing a crateworth of bamboo poles. Nineteen of the poles have letters written on them, which spell out a five-word phrase.
Since Kalabaw is down to six, Tandang is sitting someone out. Abi volunteers and Probst cannot help asking her how many challenges Abi has competed in. “Two” is the reply. So, the first challenge when everyone competed, and the reward challenge earlier this episode when everyone competed. Every time Abi has had an opportunity to sit out, she has sat out. She must feel very secure in her position. “Wow,” gasps Probst.
The challenge begins, and Tandang is off to a ripping start while Kalabaw lags behind as Katie has trouble climbing the far side of the ditch. “Katie, slowing Kalabaw down on a very easy portion of this challenge!” Probst points this out several times before Kalabaw gets to the next obstacle and basically repeats it as a mantra for the rest of the challenge. “Katie, again the last one over!”
Kalabaw makes up some ground and gets to the drawbridge while Tandang is still there, but Tandang is through first. Malcolm chops for Tandang and gets done quickly. Jeff Kent needs to be relieved by Jonathan, who gets through in short order. “Katie struggling,” exclaims Probst. The puzzle pieces are dropped. “Katie, could not get over the mound!”
Both teams are now working on the puzzle, with Lisa and Pete solving for Tandang, and Dawson and Jonathan for Kalabaw. “Abi, sitting out yet again,” says Probst, giving Katie a break. The phrase is “live to play another day,” and both teams seem to have it but who can get there first? “Kalabaw, still suffering because of Katie!” Kalabaw is scrambling and fighting for pieces, while Tandang seem more coordinated. “Katie, can’t climb a ditch!”
Tandang is first to slap down that they have the correct answer, just two beats ahead of Kalabaw. Probst confirms that they have the right answer. “We came from behind – one more second!” Jonathan carps. “You remain undefeated in this game,” Probst reminds Tandang. So obviously that bug was lucky, or Denise is cursed. I’m going with the Denise curse.
“Kalabaw would have won – if not for Katie!” shouts Probst. You may think I'm exaggerating, but Probst said all but two of those things. In interview, Jonathan hangs the loss on Katie, or maybe on Dawson, who didn’t help him on the puzzle as much as he would have liked.
“That sucked,” says Jeff Kent back at camp. Katie says “Sorry, guys, I feel like an (unbleeped) asshole.” In interview, she says she “feels embarrassed” and that she screwed up, there’s nothing else she can say."
Dawson and Katie have a conversation where Dawson reminds Katie that no one is voting for her tonight, not while Denise is around. “Did you not see me?” demands Katie. “You were not good,” agrees Dawson. “I’m embarrassed," snorts Katie. “I can understand that," agrees Dawson.
Meanwhile, Jeff Kent is having a conversation with Denise about how they have an alliance of three and they would like to make it a foursome. Denise agrees. Five fingers. Done. Simple. Jeff Kent interviews that right now it’s about being strong in challenges, so he wants Denise.
Jeff Kent tells Jonathan and Carter that he has Denise on their side now. They all seem non-committally pleased. Jonathan interviews that they can’t get rid of Denise because she’s so competitive so it’s either Katie or Dawson.
Jonathan orders Dawson to go find more wood so that the men have a chance to talk about who is getting the chop. (I'm pretty sure this happened just before Jeff Kent told them the news about Denise.) Katie is looking checked out, according to Carter, who looks checked out 100% of the time. He has one of those checked out faces.
Jonathan says “we lost because of Dawson” and Jeff Kent points out that Dawson “had puzzle pieces in her hand, and you were trying to get them and she wasn’t even giving them to you." Maybe that's what happened, but re-watching that challenge, it looked to me like Jonathan had the answer in his head and was putting pieces in place, while Dawson was holding pieces and didn’t know what Jonathan was doing. We saw Lisa and Pete share the answer, but not Jonathan and Dawson. So it could easily be down to bad communication by Jonathan, not Dawson being unhelpful. Whatever.
At camp, Dawson is playing with Jeff Kent, exclaiming that maybe she should date an athlete. Jeff Kent perks up, “What do you consider an athlete?” “Umm… football, basketball… then I guess at the end, maybe baseball.”
Dawson interviews that there is too much standing around at camp, and she enjoys getting into Jeff Kent’s mind and making him uncomfortable. Dawson is clearly an amateur at teasing baseballers. "Football, basketball, track, lacrosse, swimming, water polo... rowing, cycling, hockey, field hockey... table tennis, cricket, bowling, Texas hold 'em, golf, Nascar... then maybe baseball? Oh, I forgot curling!"
“Football is bigger than baseball,” Dawson continues in camp. Seriously Dawson, you’re stepping into “Dawson’s Creek” territory here. If you want to get under Jeff Kent's skin, why not just poll everyone on the dumbest athlete of all time, and then ask “What was the name of the dumbass baseballer who broke his wrist popping wheelies and blamed it on his innocent truck?”
Jonathan, Jeff Kent and Carter have a final pow-wow on the beach where they make their decision. “Let’s just get this done right now. Is it Katie or is it her?” Jeff Kent interviews that if Dawson knows his dirty secret that he’s a fabulously wealthy baseballer, it might be best to vote her out. So it’s totally 100% obvious that Katie is going tonight, right? I mean, Probst said she completely blew the challenge and should have been put down!
At Tribal Council, Probst starts with asking Dawson about Dana’s departure. Dawson says that Dana was one of the strongest she’s ever met, and seeing her beat her fists on the ground was very hard. In three days, they have gone from being undefeated to down two, and Jonathan states that if Dana was there they would not have lost. Katie looks worried, but Jonathan probably meant that Abi would have been forced to compete.
That out of the way, Probst can’t wait to ask Katie about her challenge performance. “Miserable start for the tribe on your shoulders.” Katie owns it by explaining says that she feels like the biggest idiot, and she hopes that her tribe knows she is capable of more and consider her worthy of staying here. Probst finally shuts up about it.
Probst asks Dawson about Denise and how she seems like a worthy competitor. Is that a good argument for keeping her here? “Absolutely,” agrees Dawson, before talking about how while they “love to see” Probst, it sucks having to vote someone out.
Why keep Dawson? She keeps spirits up “by being optimistic and empowering! After 13 days of rain, that goes pretty far!” Cue the rattle sound effect and Jeff Kent looking sideways. Then Jeff Kent is asked about factors to vote on, and he talks about pretty much every factor there is – work around camp, loyalty, blah blah blah – before settling on strength for challenges.
And it’s time to vote. We don’t see any of them until Probst’s “tally” and it’s Denise, then Dawson, Dawson, Dawson, Dawson and I guess, Dawson and Dawson. Dawson says “Wow” and gets her torch. Dawson, it’s time to go.
She stares at Probst way too longingly, and then gives him a hug that says “Maybe swing by the losers’ lodge one night.” Seriously, she tries to kiss him and as he's on-camera Probst has to turn his cheek to part-avoid it! Probst must be thrilled that Katie and not Dawson sucked at the challenge today. “Wow,” she says again as she goes into the night, but maybe she's talking about the kiss-blocking by Probst. And she didn’t have a chance to play any pranks! So long, Dawson.
Probst’s final advice to Kalabaw is that this tribe has to break the curse of Denise and “got to get a win." Duh.
Next time on Survivor, things get physical at a mud wrestling challenge. Artis looks like he is going to open that can of whupass he has been saving, and Probst says “I’m pretty sure this is unprecedented! After 25 seasons, I’d be surprised.
In her final words, Dawson gushes about how Jeff Kent might be one of those millionaires that actually wins this thing, and he owes her "soooooo big!" Specifically, she wants a motorcycle and helmet and a sidecar, and also a pink gun. Pew pew!