The Amazing Race Recap: Episode 1
By Daron Aldridge
October 2, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
An obnoxiously, 60s-decorated school bus drives the teams around the streets of Pasadena, California, until they get to the starting line. I immediately feel pretty good about my observations and here are a few other things I noted. 1) I am somewhat vindicated in my confusion of Natalie and Nadiya when they explain that they have switched places to break up with the other’s boyfriend. 2) Heavy metal James’ goatee is dark brown/black and Abba’s is lighter brown, so I should be able to tell them apart. 3) Apparently, Jaymes & James explain that Chippendales isn’t about stripping and G-strings but a stage show revue. So I guess I will go with Team Beefcake for them. 4) And yes, Team Trainwreck’s divorcee Ryan exudes the exact amount of arrogance that I suspected he would.
The producers waste no time kicking off this season in a dramatic fashion. First, Phil dangles a million dollar carrot in front of the teams in the form of this possibility: If the team to finish first on the first leg of the Race is also the team to win the whole thing, the end prize will be $2 million this season. Next, they don’t just let the teams run to their bag for their clue. As they have done the last few seasons, the teams immediately have a challenge before they get their bags and clue. This time, it’s a doozy. They have to rappel down 10 stories off the side of a highway bridge to their bags.
Then the producers up the difficulty a bit by tethering the teammates together to make them descend at a similar speed. Everyone is just taking a big breath and doing it, except sub Gary. I do find it a bit humorous that the tallest guy this season (Gary’s six and a half feet tall) is the one having the biggest issue with height.
The first four teams to complete the descent and get the clue pointing them to Shanghai, China are Team Beefcake Jaymes & James, Team Longhorn Trey & Lexi, blondes Caitlin & Brittany and Team Beekman Josh & Brent. Once in their product placement vehicle, they learn that there are only two flights available to them and they land approximately an hour and 15 minutes apart. Seven teams are on the first flight and the remaining four are on the second.
Not far behind the leading quartet of teams are Amy & Daniel, monster truckers Rob & Kelley and Headbangers Ball James & Abba. Unfortunately for these leading teams, it doesn’t seem to matter what order they got their clue. As the teams scramble for the ticket counters, the first flight is set and Team Beekman is left out because Josh politely (and foolishly) let monster trucker Kelley in front of them in line. So the leading plane has Team Beefcake Jaymes & James, James & Abba, Caitlin & Brittany, Natalie & Nadiya, divorcees Abbie & Ryan, snowboarder Amy & Daniel and trucker Rob & Kelley. That means that Longhorns Trey & Lexi faltered already. Not looking good for my first impression.
When they all land, they have to grab a cab to get to Yuanshen Sports Center Stadium. As the first team to hit the cab stand, James & Abba quickly show they may have an edge thanks to years of globetrotting musical exploits as Abba easily spouts off some Chinese to their driver.
Well, six of the seven teams are able to find the Roadblock clue at the stadium. The lone confused team is our monster truckers Rob & Kelley. For the Roadblock, the chosen person has to score one point against a junior table tennis champion on a turn. The catch is that after the first round, the girl will be using household items, like a clipboard or skillet, instead of a paddle to make it a bit easier. If they don’t score their point on their one turn, they have to wait until each of the other waiting teams has a turn. Beefcake’s James (dark hair, no “y”), heavy metal James, Daniel, Natalie, divorcee Abbie and blonde special ed teacher Caitlin take the challenge.
Hey, where’s Rob, Kelley and their rolling backpacks (yes, they are pulling their backpacks and not wearing them)? Still wandering the stadium grounds.
No one can defeat the girl when she is using the paddle but the clipboard is not as forgiving for her. As they cycle through the turns, divorcee Ryan gives solid advice to just let the ball hit the paddle instead of trying to slam it. What do you know…it worked and Abbie is the first one out of the Roadblock. Non-beefcake James (i.e. Megadeth James) is the next one to score and move on. Both of these teams are now heading to a restaurant. I smell an eating challenge being cooked up for these teams.
Rob & Kelley are finally at the clue box and Kelley is volunteered by Rob to take the task. Back inside, Beefcake James gets his point and clue next with Caitlin and Daniel the next two done. Natalie, the more even-keeled twin, fails again and Nadiya quickly establishes herself as the more abrasive and obnoxious person on this team with her berating her from the sideline.
Following a welcome commercial break from Nadiya’s voice, Natalie finally scores but not too much ahead of Kelley, who gets her point when the girl is tauntingly using their own clue as a paddle.
At the restaurant, James & Abba find that this leg is a double Roadblock, so Abba is on deck for this one. And the dreaded eating challenge I suspected comes to life in the form of the person having to eat a delicacy of frog fallopian tubes. You read that correct…frog fallopian tubes. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Not only that, that have to eat the soupy dessert with chopsticks and cannot touch the plate or the papaya that it is served in.
As Abba struggles with the utensils and the overall disgusting nature of the task, the divorcees show up with Ryan taking a seat at the Roadblock. Before either of them can get done, Amy and Brittany have both started eating. Predictably, Abba was the first one there so he is the first one done. They are now heading to a lady with an abacus at a place called The Bund. Ryan is also done and following our heavy metal duo.
This order of "arrival to completion" is tossed out the window by Beefcake Jaymes and his aggressive fallopian tube sucking ways. There is no way to not make that descriptor sound family-friendly. Team Beefcake is out the door and Amy has powered through to put her and Daniel in fourth. Blonde Brittany is retching and struggling and retching some more. Thankfully, she finishes before the twins arrive and start up. I have to retract my earlier conclusion about Nadiya. Based upon the chant that Natalie leads the restaurant-goers in to help her sister, the twins are equally annoying but at least Natalie isn’t abrasive.
Team Longhorn shows up at the first Roadblock all alone; so Trey doesn’t have to wait for other teams to take a turn. He simply takes his turns back-to-back and gets the next clue without any stress.
At The Bund, too many years of headbanging has apparently damaged James & Abba’s peripheral vision has they stroll right one by the lady with the abacus. That’s too bad for them too because now Abbie & Ryan are on the scene looking for the same lady. Checking in at the second Roadblock, Nadiya is making good progress on the food and Natalie is making excellent progress in making me want to mute the TV when she comes on screen.
Monster Trucker Rob is taking a seat as the twins dine and dash to The Bund. Speaking of Robs, our lumberjack friend Rob who was on the second flight has completed the first Roadblock. The fact that he is a lumberjack makes me really wish that heavy metal James had been the bassist for Jackyl because it would have been some nice symmetry.
Then there’s an oopsie for Monster Trucker Rob who picks up the papaya to make short work of eating it and then proceeds to spew out a mouthful. That messing with the rules has got to bite him in the butt.
More ping pong action as Gary scores his point and substitutes of the world rejoice as Team Beekman shows up last and Josh takes the Roadblock. Surprisingly, Josh is the only one to get his point on the first attempt. This could be a byproduct of the girl finally wearing down or just realizing that the quicker the last person is done, the sooner she can get back to playing actual other table tennis players. Either way, Josh is elated.
You know who’s not elated? Monster Truck Rob, who is denied his clue and two more servings of frog reproductive organs are presented him. Begrudgingly, Rob grabs the chopsticks and starts again. Kelley promises that from now on they will read the whole clue. Probably a wise move but based upon your performance thus far, you may not have many more clues to read in their entirety.
Team Beefcake is wandering The Bund looking for the abacus lady as are the divorcees and headbangers.
With her stomach churning at the realization that she has to eat the delicacy, Longhorn Lexi takes a seat as trucker Rob finishes up. Pretty much all the teams that have completed the second Roadblock are lost on The Bund. Based upon my prediction earlier, imagine my satisfaction that Amy & Daniel are the first to find the abacus lady and get pointed to the first Pitstop, which is the Bund Observatory that they must go to on foot.
As the dating couple is trying to get an idea of where to go from locals, divorcees Abbie & Ryan and blondes Caitlin & Brittany ask them where they found the lady. Because apparently they are decent and nice people, not only do Amy & Daniel point them in the right direction, they even tell them exactly where to look. Do you think that will hurt them? You are correct. As Amy & Daniel are trying to get to the Pitstop, Abbie & Ryan pass them up. Surprisingly, Ryan expresses sympathy for them passing them because they helped them out. But he justifies this by saying, “This is for $2 million.” I have to admit that is a valid point and I would hope that if that extra cash wasn’t on the table the divorcees would have done the decent thing and ceded the first place to Amy & Daniel.
In this instance, nice guys don’t finish last…they finish second. So as the $2 million is in play for Abbie & Ryan, Amy & Daniel admit that they helped them because that’s just the type of people they are. There is a way to play the game nicely but not to the detriment of your own game and I hope this dating couple figures that out or they will be trampled on. Ryan even admits that he views Amy as the biggest threat on the Race. The new wrinkle of the extra money is that now teams will likely be less apt to team with Abbie & Ryan or help them in any way because of jealousy and they should expect nothing less.
Meanwhile, Team Beefcake, who never found the abacus lady, is following the blondes, who did find her, directly to the Pitstop. It looks like we already have a team show up at the Pitstop prematurely. It happens every season, it seems. The girls hit the mat and the Chippendales dancers realize their error before Phil can set them straight. Back to The Bund they go. Well, they aren’t the only ones lost because James & Abba have been there longer than anyone and are as aimless as the dual James’s.
We finally see Team Longhorn finish the second Roadblock and the lumberjack’s lady Sheila start on her turn.
Doing what Amy & Daniel should have done, the twins Natalie & Nadiya find the abacus lady but tell the monster truckers that they haven’t been successful. This puts the twins in fourth place. Of course, they aren’t happy because they weren’t first. Because you know, $1 million is just not good enough.
Sheila is now done and substitute Will is starting the eating Roadblock. I don’t know how many more times I can watch someone slurp up this horrible looking dish. So imagine my joy when the last team of Josh & Brent get there and we are shown very little footage of his Roadblock completion.
So now we have monster truckers Rob & Kelley with their last clue in hand and jumping up and down when Phil tells them they are team number five. Here’s how the rest of The Bund wanderers look: Team Longhorn Trey & Lexi and substitutes Will & Gary are just getting there, Team Beefcake Jaymes & James are as bewildered as they have been since arriving, and metalheads James & Abba are backtracking the many, many steps they have taken. Let’s see, who did I forget? Oh yeah, lumberjack Rob and his lady Sheila have been given erroneous advice from a hotel to head to the Bank of China, since they count at a bank. They accept this suggestion and hop in their cab to Elimination Foregone Conclusion land, soon-to-be population: Rob & Sheila. I just don’t see how they can rebound from that big of an error at the end of the leg.
The next ones to find the lady are James & Abba who then claim the number six place with Phil. Rebound, thy name is Team Beekman, because Josh & Brent, who are the last ones to arrive on The Bund, get their clue next and check in with Phil as number seven.
Pulling a page from James & Abba’s oblivious playbook, Rob & Sheila fail to see the lady that is seated about 20 feet from them. Gary & Will happily lie to Team Beefcake about not having the clue as they scurry off to Phil. One by one, the remaining three teams locate the elusive lady sitting in a bright red dress using an abacus. The substitutes are number eight and Team Longhorns are number nine.
In an unusual occurrence, these two teams are still on the mat by the time that Jaymes & James edges out Rob & Sheila by 15 seconds. That means that the lumberjack and his future bride head home and only 10 teams remain.
And with that, season 21 is officially off and running in a manner we have become accustomed. So until next week, have a good one.