Survivor: Philippines - Episode 1 (Part 2)
Survivor Smacked Me In The Chops
By Ben Willoughby
September 21, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Over on Matsing, we meet Denise – Iowa’s only sex therapist – who is talking about Zane, and how he deserves a second look. Denise has noticed that even though he looks like trouble, he has a death date on his arm, and the serenity prayer on his hands, so there is more to Zane than meets the eye. When is she going to ask him about his Frankenstein tattoo? They form an alliance.
For his part, Zane says that thanks to his different experiences from holding down different jobs and interacting with different people he can relate to anyone. He claims this makes him “the perfect Survivor player”. So we see him forming an alliance with Roxy, and then with Angie – which Roxy sees and double-takes to – and then he goes back to talk with Russell and Malcolm, tells them he’s formed an alliance with everyone else and then forms an alliance with them! What an alliance slut. Zane believes this is a perfect plan, and that no one realizes he has an alliance with everyone else. No one except for those two guys you just told, mastermind.
Malcolm is not impressed with Zane coming to him last for an alliance – even though it plays out pretty well for him – and he forms an alliance with Denise. Denise and Malcolm both wonder if Zane is brighter than they think he is, and then they agree that he must be brighter than that so they both feel better about themselves for not picking on the dimwit. Denise says she and Malcolm clicked, and they invent a little finger-twiddle thing as a celebration for their alliance.
On Tandang, you’d think that Michael would be pretty careful with his hands, but we see that he already has a blister on his fingers, a cut on his foot and a split in his scalp with the machete. Michael claims that he’s not accident prone, he’s just “act first, think second," which is just a way of saying “accident-prone” in four words. RC notes that Michael does not seem to care about injuries. Or the inevitable pus-filled life-threatening infections, for that matter. There’s ample evidence of this when we see Michael trying to lever some flesh out of an open coconut with a machete, and cutting his hand. Artis is prepared to ban Michael from using the knife. Pete is just waiting to see what happens when they get fire.
At Kalabal, Jonathan is out searching for the Hidden Immunity Idol while the other five are in a cave bitching about him. His looking in random places gets him nowhere, but his experience gives him an advantage when he realizes that in addition to the machete and the pot that are provided every season, there was also a beautiful box with a big bag of rice. Searching in the box, he finds a clue to the HII’s location, which is apparently right under his nose. I’m going to guess right now that it’s part of the lid of the box.
At Matsing, Russell also finds the clue, but he just lucks into it. However, while Russell sneaks away to read the clue while collecting firewood, he’s seen by Zane. Later at camp, Zane asks Russell if he has had any chance to look for the idol. Russell’s response is immediate: if he sees anyone even looking for the idol, that person is a target. Zane naturally believes that Russell has already found the idol, and if they lose the first challenge, they are definitely going to get rid of Russell.
Probst sighting!
It’s the first immunity challenge of the season. Each tribe will split into three pairs, and the first pair will be tied together and run through the jungle and up a cargo net to collect some paddles and then race back, the second pair will use the paddles to row a boat out to a buoy which marks a submerged chest and then swim with that chest to shore, and the third pair will unpack the pieces inside the chest to solve a puzzle. Want to know what they’re playing for? Chickens. At least that’s what the immunity idols look like. Wooden chickens.
First team to finish will also get a complete fire-making kit with kindling and gasoline and cigarette lighters or whatever, the second team will get flint, the Survivor equivalent of steak knives, and the third team gets Tribal Council. So there’s that interesting dynamic from a three tribe season, which is that it’s okay if your team sucks, it just doesn't have to suck the most.
We see a bit of challenge strategy discussion before we start. Jonathan is asking who are the best paddlers, probably because that will be the most physically demanding part of the challenge. Russell is saying that he sucks at puzzles, so he should be running. Angie is also saying she sucks at puzzles, but Russell tells her to do it anyway, and not to panic. “Just bear with me, you two do the puzzle," he says to Roxy and Angie. He's not asking them to bear with him, he's asking them to do what he says. Leadership!
Also, the teams are wearing face paint for this challenge. The only noteworthy attempts are Russell, who looks like a seagull has crapped on his forehead, and Zane, who is going for the Braveheart look.
The first set of pairs run through the jungle, with Artis and RC from Tandang getting back first, Zane and Russell from Matsing arriving shortly after (with Zane so tired from the effort he is begging Russell to pull him), and Dana and Katie from Kalabal coming back a distant third.
The second set of pairs see Michael and Pete maintain Tandang’s long lead, but Jeff Kent and Carter make up a lot of ground and move Kalabal into second place, while Malcolm and Denise have trouble paddling the boat and getting the very heavy chest back to shore, and Matsing slips back to third. It's pretty windy out there, but the issue seems to have been selecting Denise for what turned out to be the most physically demanding part. Back on the beach, Zane is still gathering his breath.
The puzzle is a tower with three tiers, and Lisa and Abi are already halfway through their first tier when Dawson and Jonathan from Kalabal begin. After Matsing finally arrives and Roxy and Angie get started on the puzzle, Russell can’t help peering in and giving advice. I thought he was lousy at puzzles and didn’t want to be the leader?
The challenge comes down pretty tight at the end between Kalabal and Tandang – the highlight of Probst commentary was “Can Lisa get the top on?” – and Kalabal just squeaks ahead of Tandang. That was a pretty good effort, after finishing so weakly in the running part - but it was about getting the least worst people in the right tasks, not about everyone doing the thing they are best at. Matsing is going to Tribal Council, having only completed two pieces of their puzzle. “I told you, I’m not good at puzzles”, Angie complains to Russell. So much for breaking any beauty queen stereotypes. Probst asks Matsing what happened, and Russell takes responsibility for the loss, saying that he made the decisions on who would do what. So it is down to his leadership? Idiot. Russell says that Matsing has to click, and maybe thinking of his own second chance, adds “that’s the beauty of it. There’s always a next time”. “There’s a next time for five of you. There’s not a next time for all six of you.” Probst observes. Tribal Council is tonight, and someone from Matsing will be the first person voted out of this game.
Back at camp, Russell makes his pitch to stay, which is basically that everyone has to dig so deep within themselves. To his annoyance, Zane tops him to say in Survivor you have to pull fire out of your stomach and decide that’s what you've got to throw down. But not only that – Zane says he isn’t up to the challenge of Survivor, and that he’s not built for it. He even points out that Russell had to pull him to finish that short jog through the jungle. Also, with his blue make-up, shirt and buff, he looks like a Smurf. Huh? Is Zane volunteering to be voted out? Ahead of Russell? Why is Zane doing this?
In interview, Zane reveals that this is a cunning plan! It is to “establish that he is running the game. This whole ruse was to fill out his tribe on exactly how I want to work things." He wants to make the point that his tribe would rather have him as a hindrance, than keep Russell. Zane has already made this point by being so bad at the challenge. There’s no need to emphasise it. Zane says “ I’m playing chess the best way I know how, and hopefully I gonna king me!” Like Zapp Brannigan says, when he hits that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.
Others seem to think similarly to Zane, because Angie and Roxy would rather vote out Russell. Angie complains so much about Russell telling her what to do and not listening that she cuts off Roxy, who was about to tell her something worth listening to. Angie then goes to beg Zane not to leave, telling him that he needs to vote for Russell and “we need some laughter." Zane thinks this is all going according to his master plan, boasting that “we ain’t never seen a move like this in Survivor history." I’ll say.
Zane is talking with Malcolm about tossing in the towel. Zane asks Malcolm if he is talking about blind-sides, and assures Malcolm that Russell already has the hidden immunity idol, implying that it's time for a blind-side on Russell. Malcolm thought Zane was going home by his own free will, but is considering voting for Russell because of the idol. He also thinks it’s sketchy that this info comes from Zane. And this is the flaw in Zane’s plan. If everyone thinks Zane was ready to quit on Day 3, the narrative is that Zane is a quitter, not Zane is a strategic mastermind. How will it look at Final Tribal when someone asks Zane about begging to be voted out? Malcolm talks with Denise.
In interview, Russell admits to making his first mistake by clicking into chief mode and falling back into horrible, horrible leadership. Only his first? Oh, Russell.
Tribal Council! And there’s a cobra, just hanging out on the Tribal Council pavilion. It’s like we’re supposed to believe that the castaways might be surprised by a poisonous snake in the ballot box next time they vote! Although that would be pretty funny.
Probst gives the “fire represents life” speech, then asks Denise about the returning players, and she blandly says that she had wanted “a pure game” but it has been an asset to have someone around to give tips and so on. Zane says that the returning players may have experience, but they are also better players. “It’s like an onion – the more layers you peel back, the more you start to cry." This loses Probst, so we get to hear more of this onion metaphor as Zane gives more reasons to vote him out and keep Russell by describing him as “a killer athlete."
Probst asks Russell if it sounds like he’s getting voted out because he’s a better player. Russell, who talks about Russell 2.0 and Russell 1.0 as though he’s a piece of software who can easily be re-programmed, says he has some concerns. I doubt we'll be seeing a Russell 3.0. Everyone agrees that Russell came on too strong before the challenge, and Russell goes on to say it would be like a dagger in the heart to be medevac’d out, and then to come back and be voted out first. True enough.
Within this discussion, Roxy basically says that because of her military background, when Russell took charge and started giving directions, she went right into taking directions. So anyone listening should include Roxy in their alliance, because she'll do what she's told no questions. And Angie is still gunning for Russell, because Russell forced her to solve puzzles even though she ran track, and also because she mentioned that he said, “if we lose, it’s [Angie’s] fault." Zane agrees that Angie could have been running, because the day he arrived in the Philippines was also the day he quit smoking, so running ain’t the deal for him. That’s great timing. If only he'd known he'd be competing in several athletic events over the next 39 days.
Probst says that’s great news for Russell, because he’s off the box, but Russell isn’t buying it yet, because he doesn’t know what discussions have taken place since Zane made his announcement, and there could be all sorts of coded messages going on. What odds does Russell give himself of being here after the vote? Russell doesn’t know, but he says he’s ready to be here. And with that, it’s time to vote.
As usual we see the predictable votes: Russell for Zane, with a peace sign and a B, and Zane for Russ. But when Probst “tallies” the votes, it’s Zane, Russ, Zane, Zane, Zane and presumably Zane and Zane. Zane is the first person voted out, and Roxy looks like she is about to cry. “Son of a bitch,” Zane says as he goes down the walk of shame. On the plus side, he can take up smoking again. Matsing is down to five people and Russell has gotten a pretty strong message that if things go pear-shaped again, he’s next.
Next week: Jonathan keeps up his desperate search for the hidden immunity idol, while Lisa is on the outside of her tribe, and seriously wondering whether she is able to play this game. You know what helps? Lying and faking that you like people.
In his farewell interview, Zane talks about how he thought he had the whole game figured out and that allowing others to pull the strings would allow him to run it. It would have helped a lot if he hadn’t looped one of the strings around his neck. So long, Zane.