This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for August 17-19, 2012
By Curt David
August 17, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com

Her career is still in better shape than Kevin Costner's.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Cabin Fever, Fever Pitch, and Saturday Night Fever all have different plots). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...F is for Famke Janssen.)

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of August 17th, the new movies in wide release are The Expendables 2, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, ParaNorman, and Sparkle.

The Expendables 2 The Odd Life of Timothy Green ParaNorman Sparkle WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleSounds like the sequel to The Expendables. Sounds Odd. Sounds like they wanted the title to be clever. Sounds like a Mariah Carey movie. Or was that Glitter? Either way, The Expendables get the point for having a recognizable title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Action
Rated R for strong bloody action throughout. 		Fantasy
Rated PG for mild thematic elements and brief language. 		Animation
Rated PG for scary action and images, thematic elements, some rude humor and language. 		Drama
Rated PG-13 for mature thematic content involving domestic abuse, drug material, some violence, language, and smoking. 		All the movies are pretty unique. Each will get a quarter point.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		“Back for War.”

3/5 - Is that supposed to sound like Back for More? If so, creative. 		“He’s a force of nature”

2/5 - I don’t know, this doesn’t sound as epic when the film is rated PG. 		“It’s all fun and games until someone raises the dead”

5/5 - Finally a perfect tagline! 		N/A

0/5 - Doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t have won even if it had a tagline. 		It’s been awhile since I awarded a 5/5 stars. Thank you, ParaNorman.
Best Part of TrailerLooks ridiculously fun! So many big names! Including Chuck Norris! I’m in a dusty room, which hopefully explains why I teared up. Looks cute. I had low expectations, but actually found the plot intriguing. Motown. Whitney Houston. Looks good for its genre. Wow, four good trailers. That never happens in one week. 1/4 points all around!
Coolest Lead ActorSylvester Stallone from Rocky, Rambo, and Cliffhanger. Jennifer Garner from Alias, 13 Going on 30, and Juno. The voice of Anna Kendrick from Up in the Air and 50/50. Whitney Houston from The Bodyguard and The Preacher’s Wife. Jennifer Garner will win 1/2 of the coolest point, and Sylvester and Whitney will each win 1/4th.
Best CastJason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Liam Hemsworth. Joel Edgerton (Warrior), Dianne Wiest (Edward Scissorhands), and Common (Wanted) The voices of Casey Affleck (Gone Baby Gone), Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad), Leslie Mann (Knocked Up). Jordin Sparks (American Idol) and Cee-Lo (The Voice) Seriously, Expendables 2 has the best cast list since Expendables came to theaters. Point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Director Simon West has also directed Con Air, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and When a Stranger Calls. Director and Writer Peter Hedges also wrote About a Boy, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, and directed Dan in Real Life. Director and writer Chris Butler who also was involved with animation of Corpse Bride and The Tigger Movie. Director Salim Akil has also directed Jumping the Broom. I think Simon West and Peter Hedges have the best street cred for now, so they’ll split the point.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Expendables 2 scores 3 and 1/4 points, The Odd Life of Timothy Green scores 1 and 1/2 points, ParaNorman also scores 1 and 1/2 points, and Sparkle scores 3/4 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like a certain genre, feel free to watch that movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Expendables 2 is the best movie to watch this weekend (but I could be convinced to watch one of the other ones).
Conclusion 2: Jennifer Garner’s character on Alias could beat any of the guys in The Expendables in a fight.
Conclusion 3: Potential but probably unimportant spoiler about Expendables 2 will be typed next, so stop reading if you don’t want to hear it, but I swear I found that Novak Djokovic (my favorite tennis player) has an uncredited part in the Expendables 2! That actually makes me want to see it more.