This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for June 29 - July 1, 2012
By Curt David
June 29, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of June 29th, the new movies in wide release are Magic Mike, People Like Us, Ted, and Madea’s Witness Protection.
| Magic Mike | People Like Us | Ted | Madea's Witness Protection | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | Perhaps a fun movie about a magician | Perhaps a fun movie about quirky neighbors | Perhaps a fun movie about a guy named Ted | Definitely a Tyler Perry comedy with Madea | Madea is the clearest title. She’ll take this point into witness protection. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Dramedy
Rated R for pervasive sexual content, brief graphic nudity, language, and some drug use. | Drama
Rated PG-13 for language, some drug use, and brief sexuality. | Comedy/Fantasy
Rated R for crude and sexual content, pervasive language, and some drug use. | Comedy
Rated PG-13 for some crude sexual remarks and brief drug references. | Whoa! Mike and Ted- what type of guys are you? All four movies will get a quarter of a point. |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | Work all day. Work it all night.
3/5 Kind of Clever | Find your family.
1/5 Kind of Lame | The first motion picture from the creator of Family Guy
2/5 Not really a tagline | Believe it or not, they know too much
4/5 Funny tagline with the picture in the poster | The trailers next round will tell me what these movies are about. Madea will also get a point for best tagline. |
| Best Part of Trailer | I now know what this movie will be about. And I have never felt so dirty. | It was nice to watch a sweet family trailer starring people in clothing. | I laughed! | A little bit of a surprise for me - I laughed in this one too. | People like Us and Ted will split the point for the best trailer. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Channing Tatum from Dear John, Step Up, and G.I. Joe. | Chris Pine from Star Trek and Unstoppable. | Mark Wahlberg from Boogie Nights, The Fighter, and The Italian Job. | Tyler Perry from all of his films. | Now that I’m particularly self-conscious about my abs, I’ll give 1/4th of a point to each famous actor. |
| Best Cast | Matthew McConaughey (A Time to Kill) and Joe Manganiello (True Blood) | Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger games) and Michelle Pfeiffer (Batman Returns) | Mila Kunis (That 70s Show) and Joel McHale (Community) | Eugene Levy (American Pie), Denise Richards (Starship Troopers), and Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond) | McConaughey, Kunis, and Roberts each have their own merit, but I cannot not give a point to the teaming of Banks and Pfeiffer. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Director Steven Soderbergh has also directed Ocean’s 11, Traffic, and Erin Brockovich. | Writer and Director Alex Kurtzman has also written Star Trek, Mission Impossible III, and The Legend of Zorro. | Writer and Director Seth MacFarlane has also written Family Guy. | Director and Writer Tyler Perry has also written and directed a ton of his own films. | Steven Soderbergh does have the best street cred of these talented directors. Point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Madea’s Witness Protection scores 2 and 1/2 points, People Like Us scores 2 points, Magic Mike 1 and 1/2 points, and Ted scores 1 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like to watch male strippers, feel free to watch Magic Mike this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Madea’s Witness Protection is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Really? I’m not sure Madea has ever won this column before. It was a close week with four unique movies. I can guarantee that you know what you’re getting with Madea, but perhaps not the other films. (I think I would personally watch Ted or People Like Us though).
Conclusion 3: Alex Kurtzman is my new hero. He’s written things for J.J. Abrams, including Alias episodes, and wrote a screenplay for a Catherine Zeta-Jones film. I’ll give you the point for Best Street Cred for your next movie.