TiVoPlex
By John Seal
June 11, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
Tuesday 6/12/12
8:05 AM Encore Action
American Ninja V (1993 USA): Nothing starts off a week better than getting to write about one of IMDb’s Bottom 100 films! Granted, American Ninja V barely scrapes in at number 95, but still...that’s quite an accomplishment. And speaking of the Bottom 100, did you know that the coveted number 1 spot is currently held by an animated feature entitled Titanic: The Legend Continues? I’m genuinely surprised, as I’d never previously heard of it. Oh, sure...we all know about Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 and Manos the Hands of Fate, but Titanic: The Legend Continues? Has anyone really seen it? Anyhoo, in American Ninja V (sadly the last of the series to date), hero Joe Kastle (David Bradley) must rescue the kidnapped daughter (Anne Dupont) of a scientist. By happy coincidence, she also happens to be Joe’s girlfriend, so this time it’s personal! Co-starring Pat Morita as (what else?) our hero’s dojo master, this is direct-to-video dreck of the first order. Or last, depending on your perspective.
8:15 PM Showtime 3
Beware (2010 USA): Okay, Beware is also a terrible film (this time of the slasher variety), but here’s the hook (rimshot, please): the killer’s victims are all Menudo fans. Really. Do you dare miss a film in which Menudo fans are gruesomely hacked to pieces by a man in a mask? And did you know that Menudo has featured 33 different members since the "band" started in 1977? You can argue about whether Murray the K or Billy Preston or Jimmy Nicol was the true "fifth Beatle," but will we ever know who was the true fifth Menudo?
Wednesday 6/13/12
1:50 AM Encore
The Blood of Heroes (1989 AUS-USA): It’s action movie heaven in the TiVoPlex this week! Rutger Hauer headlines The Blood of Heroes, a Mad Max-ripoff featuring the muscular Dutchman as Sallow, a jugger looking for redemption in a world that has experienced an apocalyptic calamity. Yes, we’re talking about a world of bad haircuts (mullets our specialty!), custom vehicles, and lots and lots of dirt and grime. Wait, what’s that? You don’t know what a jugger is? Really? You’ve never played the sport known as jugging? Well, I’ll be. It involves putting animal heads on spikes, and amongst the best juggers are characters played by Vincent D’Onofrio and Joan Chen. Yes, that Joan Chen. The one who was in Wayne Wang’s Dim Sum. Also airs at 4:50 AM.
9:15 PM Turner Classic Movies
And the Pursuit of Happiness (1986 USA): Produced for PBS by director Louis Malle, this documentary takes a look at the 1980s immigrant experience in the United States. Though now over a quarter century old, the film catalogues much that’s still relevant regarding the contentious issue of immigration, including nativism, racism, and concerns about dirty foreigners taking good jobs from God-fearing Americans. The mythic American Dream has, of course, died a slow and ignoble death since this film was made, but back in ’86 it was still driving people to come to the land of opportunity in pursuit of happiness and - if not wealth - a decent living. Malle, of course, was himself an immigrant and a recently naturalized citizen when he made And the Pursuit of Happiness.
Thursday 6/14/12
8:00 PM Sundance
The Possession of David O’Reilly (2007 GB): Not to be confused with The Possession of Joel Delaney or The Reincarnation of Peter Proud, this is a muddled but interesting British horror flick in the Blair Witch vein. Giles Anderson headlines as the title character, a regular fellow who spoils friends Kate and Alex’s weekend with ridiculous tales of unexplained and embarrassing photographs. Invited to stay the night by the gullible couple, David is soon wreaking all kinds of demonic havoc in their flat - all of it conveniently caught on tape by Alex’s elaborate camera set up. It’s unoriginal, but watchable nonetheless.
9:15 PM Turner Classic Movies
Love in a Goldfish Bowl (1961 USA): This Paramount comedy is pretty weak sauce, but worth a look as a precursor of sorts to the Beach Party movies. Teen idol Tommy Sands stars as Gordon, a college freshman adapting to his new-found independence by spending spring break at a groovy beach pad with gal pal Blythe (Toby Michaels). Their relationship, of course, is strictly platonic, but the arrival of Coast Guard sailor Giuseppe (Fabian) disturbs the waters - and reveals the true depths of Gordon and Blythe’s relationship. Shot in widescreen, this rarely seen feature unfortunately airs tonight in pan and scan, and co-stars Star Trek regular Majel Barrett years before she met Gene Roddenberry and put down roots aboard the Starship Enterprise.
Saturday 6/16/12
1:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Empire of Passion (1978 JAP): I remember this Nagisa Oshima flick being marketed as a bit of a naughty movie back when it first came out. An arthouse hit, it was also the inspiration for one of my favorite post-punk records, a little ditty of the same name composed and performed by San Francisco experimentalists Factrix that included such memorable lines as “I want your sex for my display case” and “I’m learning to love you while fondling your organs during scientific films”. I do wonder what Oshima would have thought of Factrix’ song if he’d ever heard it, because it does - in strange ways - seem in keeping with the film’s bizarre tale of unrequited love between a middle-aged Meiji-era barmaid (Kazuko Yoshiyuki) and the much younger Toyoji (Tatsuya Fuji), a demobbed soldier newly returned home. Lacking the sexual intensity of Oshima’s previous feature In the Realm of the Senses (which genuinely WAS naughty), Empire of Passion remains an unsettling character study with sexual and supernatural overtones. It’s strongly recommended, as is the film that follows it at 3:00 AM: the completely dissimilar World Without End (1956), a widescreen sci-fi adventure featuring the world’s greatest animatronic giant spider.
9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Dick Tracy (1937): Our hero takes a ride in a motorboat and escapes a burning airship in Chapters 10, 11, and 12 of this Republic serial.
6:00 PM Starz
Anonymous (2011 GB-USA): Frock flicks rarely come better than Anonymous - and rarely more controversial, either. Tackling the still contentious issue of the authorship of William Shakespeare’s plays, the film plumps for the De Vere theory, which posits that the Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans) was the man behind the quill. If you’re a strong Shakespeare partisan - or subscribe to one of the other theories (Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe) - you’ll probably find Anonymous maddening, but if you’re simply looking for a quality period piece set in Elizabethan England, look no further. Also airs at 9:00 PM and throughout the month.
Sunday 6/17/12
1:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Payment on Demand (1951 USA): Bette Davis plays a middle-aged woman confronted with marital problems in this worthwhile Curtis Bernhardt-helmed drama. Bette plays Joyce Ramsey, whose husband David (Barry Sullivan) surprises her one evening with a request for divorce. Looking back on her life via flashback, Joyce is forced to confront the fact that she’s been a less than ideal life partner - but continues to try to take David for every penny he has. Regrets, tears, and condemnation follow. Co-starring Richard Anderson, Otto Kruger, and Natalie Schafer, Payment on Demand looks pretty mild now but was fairly daring stuff for the early ‘50s.
8:35 PM Showtime 2
The Other F Word (2011 USA): Can men with polka dots dyed in their hair, piercings in multiple body parts, and a penchant for the F word possibly pass muster as parents? Andrea Nevins’ documentary The Other F Word loudly asserts: fuck, yeah! The film’s focal point is Jim Lindberg, a 40-something Manhattan Beach homeowner with a wife and three daughters. The lead singer in third-generation punk band Pennywise for almost 20 years, he’s a funny, intelligent, and self-aware guy who believes that being in a band extends your adolescence, that special time in life when you either want to throw rocks through windows or make music that sounds like rocks being thrown through windows. It’s also a job, however, and Lindberg brings home the bacon by playing more than a hundred shows a year. Jim’s stories of dyeing his goatee on tour and wearing a baseball cap onstage to hide his receding hairline are amusing, as are the tales of other “establishment punks” like TSOL’s Jack Grisham, who relates how he once took his daughter to school wearing a ‘fuck the police’ tee-shirt. Blink 182’s Mark Hoppus says expectations of his parenting abilities “couldn’t be any lower," while Rancid’s Lars Fredericksen ponders whether or not tattooing his forehead was a good decision from a child-rearing perspective. Live fast, die young is no longer an option for the gentlemen of The Other F Word. They’re now part of the system, their youthful hankerings for anarchy and rebellion replaced by hopes for professional and personal stability. They’re also dedicated to the task of not repeating the mistakes their own fathers made: as Everclear’s Art Alexakis puts it, the only yelling he’s going to do is on stage. It may not be the best way to establish punk rock street cred, but it strikes me as being a somewhat worthier goal.
9:45 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Circle (1925 USA): I’ve never seen this Frank Borzage silent, but his involvement alone is enough to render it worthy of your (and my) attention. This MGM production is based on a Somerset Maugham play, stars Eleanor Boardman, and includes a very, very young Joan Crawford in a small role. It must have aired on TCM previously, but somehow I’ve missed it every time.
Monday 6/18/12
2:55 PM HBO Signature
Rompecabezas (2009 ARG-FRA): A suburban housewife goes on an eye-opening journey of self discovery in this slight but enjoyable drama written and directed by Natalia Smirnoff. Maria Onetto stars as Maria, a 50-year-old frump who discovers her hidden talent for jigsaw puzzles as she confronts the impending departure of her grown children from the old homestead. Taking things up a notch, she begins to assemble puzzles at the competitive level and becomes romantically involved with teammate Roberto (Leo’s Room’s Arturo Goetz). It’s an unusual set up for a story that doesn’t offer many surprises, but it’ll hold your attention.
3:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
Violent Road (1958 USA): Truckers transport deadly explosives in this cheap and not-so-cheery Wages of Fear rip-off. Directed by Howard W. Koch, Violent Road stars Brian Keith as Mitch Barton, the diesel jockey tasked with relocating Cyclone Rocket Company’s dangerous ordnance to a safer location. Naturally, that safer location lies on the opposite sound of the mountains and is accessible only via a bumpy road, so it’s up to Mitch to assemble a team of drivers crazy enough to take on the assignment. Dick Foran, Merry Anders, and Efrem Zimbalist Jr. co-star.