Survivor: One World Recap
It's Human Nature
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
May 10, 2012

I never should have hitched my wagon to Colton.

We're down to the final two episodes of the season, and the big questions are whether Kim can continue to dominate and whether the women will eventually stick together and get rid of Tarzan. Here's how the contestants stack up this week.

1) Kim - We are of the opinion that Kim is the most talented new contestant since Yul Kwon. And Yul Kwon emerged victorious in his season. We remain concerned that the best player will not win Survivor: One World because the other players have no illusions about who the jury respects the most.

2) Chelsea - We vacillate between Sabrina and Chelsea as the second strongest player. At the moment, Chelsea appears to be elevating her game. Also, she has forged strong allegiances with players likely to comprise the female members of the jury.

3) Sabrina - What hurts Sabrina is the perception that as leader of the female tribe/alliance, she has not lived up to her responsibilities working around camp. Perhaps this is an unfair assertion on a tribe that includes Alicia and, until recently, Kat. Still, perception equals reality more often than not in this game. And the perception of Sabrina is that she got a bit lazy after the women gained power.

4) Tarzan - We have stated that Tarzan cannot win Survivor and we still believe that to be true. Given the vast divide between the top three and bottom three players remaining, however, we had to consider potential outcomes in this game. Do we think that wishy-washy Christina or ultra-bitch Alicia could garner the men’s vote? No. Do we think that Tarzan could? Probably not. Still, juries are notoriously unpredictable. Given that this one is comprised of many men, bros could in fact pick Tarzan over hos.

5) Alicia - We hate this bitch. Yes, that’s more direct than normal for us, but it’s the truth. Alicia figured out at some point that piling on hurts only if you are on the bottom. The glee she has taken in directing anger at Christina is pathetic. Alas, it has also proven effective. Kim even said last week that Alicia is delusional about her status in the game, which means the players should want to bring her to the final vote.

6) Christina -We keep waiting for Christina to do something, ANYTHING to stick up for herself and show some spine. This has yet to happen. We believe that there are four players remaining who are strategizing about winning Survivor. Christina is one of those, albeit the least accomplished. Still, we struggle to find scenarios wherein she garners the requisite votes to win the game. The men who have been eliminated do not seem to respect her any more than the women who have mercilessly abused her this year. Christina deserves a better fate and we hope that if she is invited back to play again at some point that she will have found the courage to speak in her own defense more.

After Tribal Council, Tarzan says that he was surprised not to have been voted out at the previous Tribal Council. He feels that the ladies started turning on each other a little too early, and that this failing can only benefit him. He claims to have a strategy for making it to the Final Three, but is unwilling to reveal it on camera (possibly because those sneaky cameramen might use it for nefarious purposes).

He consults with Kim for a few minutes and tells her that he believes her ideal Final Three should be herself, Alicia and Christina. Tarzan says that not only would no one ever vote for Christina, but he would also be able to convince the jury that Kim is the best option for Sole Survivor.

When Alicia approaches, they reveal this potential plan to her. For her part, Alicia wonders what’s in it for her (which is typical), and after Kim leaves them, Tarzan tells her that he can totally get the jury to vote for her and stuff.

Tarzan reminds us that all he really wants to do is be able to buy shocks for his car. This is all fun and games until we learn that Tarzan has died in a car crash six months from now. Also, what kind of plastic surgeon doesn’t have enough money for shocks?

There’s an awful lot of focus on Tarzan this early in the episode, which is usually a bad sign. We have a feeling that Tarzan’s neck is going to be on the line tonight.

At this point in the game, Chelsea believes that the Survivors are divided into two alliances – Sabrina, Kim and herself versus Alicia, Christina and Tarzan…or as we call it, the good players against the bad ones. Chelsea has a perception that Christina is Alicia’s puppet, which makes the two of them the female, non-animated equivalent of C. Montgomery Burns and Waylon Smithers.

Christina immediately goes back and tells the others everything about the exchange she has just had with Chelsea. Kim is sitting with them when this happens, and we have to say that if we ever need a wartime spy, she’d be our choice. She goes to Chelsea and tells her that Christina has already betrayed her confidence, which absolutely befuddles Chelsea. The problem is that Christina just has absolutely no plan here – and yet she may wind up in the Final Three with a chance to win.

Probst sighting! Today’s Reward Challenge has each Survivor unscrewing a disk by running around in circles. Once they have three discs, they have to decode a puzzle. The winner will go to a yacht, where they’ll be served cocktails, have a shower and receive new clothes. They’ll also get a three-course meal and a night of glorious luxury and rest.

It’s a very close competition, but Chelsea manages to get her puzzle solved before the rest of the group. She chooses Sabrina to go with her, because she thinks that she should take someone who hasn’t gotten to go for Reward for a while. Then, totally contradicting that reasoning, she also chooses Kim. This allows Tarzan some time to try to sow the seeds of discord amongst the women most likely to support his cause.

Chelsea and her cohorts thoroughly enjoy their reward, while Alicia and Christina bitch about the fact that Chelsea took Kim for the reward. Additionally, Alicia (rightfully) points out that Chelsea had promised Christina she would take her on the challenge. Tarzan seizes this opportunity to align himself with Alicia and Christina (on top of his supposed alliance with Kim). Alicia gets all indignant and says that Kim had better come back with the right plan, or there will be hell to pay and stuff. We would fast forward through her segments if we weren’t recapping this.

“My plans for the day, the first thing I’m gonna do is fix me some coconut stew, start the fire, clean my clothes, wash my hair again, and prepare to be defeated in some kind of contest later today. Defeated by the feminine gender. Failure among men. --Tarzan, saying what we’re all thinking

His big mistake, really, is being Tarzan. He flips the crazy switch back on at a time when some rational thought would have been his friend…or at least a new acquaintance. He picks a fight with Alicia (he’s using his buff to sift the food for their meal, which Alicia correctly finds repulsive) and somehow offends Christina as well.

Alicia takes this opportunity to reveal the entire discussion she had with Christina and Tarzan to Kim. Basically, Kim can get anyone in this game to tell her anything. They all love her and want to date her. Well, except Tarzan. But he likes telling her stuff, too.

Kim and Alicia quickly realize that Tarzan has been telling them the same story. Of course, the problem here is that by having this conversation, Alicia is telling Kim exactly what Kim wants to hear. Just as Parvati did with Evil Loser Russell, Kim is playing to someone’s extreme insecurities to manipulate them to do exactly what she needs them to do. In Alicia’s case, she doesn’t want to look like a fool. (Tough luck on that count, Alicia.) Because of this fear, she looks at any contradiction or slight as more egregious than it needs to be.

“I am the queen of the social game,” says Alicia. We’d say that this is adorable, but she’s a horrible troll.

Thankfully, Probst puts an end to this delusional rambling as he announces the Immunity Challenge. Survivors will have one hand tied behind their back. Then, they must use fish hooks to pick up three bags of puzzle pieces.

Words you don’t hear often this season: Alicia is in the lead. Initially, Kim is out to a head start, but Alicia somehow gets herself in position to win. It gets very exciting at the end, because the winner snatches victory in the final second. Alicia does in fact defeat Kim for Immunity. This is our shocked face.

Tarzan makes more friends by saying, “I should have won that. That [challenge] wasn’t even athletic.” This behavior is exactly what hurt Troyzan earlier in the game, and there is no upside to it.

And truly, Kim does seem to have convinced both Alicia and Christina that it’s Tarzan’s time to go. We spend about 30 seconds playing “It’s Anyone But Tarzan” as Kim notes that if Alicia, Tarzan and Christina vote for Chelsea, she will as well. But we don’t think there’s any real danger of that happening.

For her part, Chelsea is at least worried that her neck is on the line. She tells Sabrina that she’s really bothered by the fact that someone like Christina might get farther in the game. The thing about these sorts of comments is that you wouldn’t have to worry about people like Christina outlasting you if you weren’t a party to propping them along to the end. We like Chelsea, but at some point, you do have to take some responsibility for your own actions.

At Tribal Council, Tarzan seems to have accepted his role as Dead Man Walking. He talks about how it’s stupid that they were freaked out by the fact that he was wearing Kat’s panties on his head just moments ago.

There’s also some discussion about Chelsea’s decision to take Kim on the Reward with her. Christina feels that Chelsea broke her word to her about taking her as a guest, but Chelsea notes that Christina also betrayed her confidence immediately after they had this discussion (which is true).

It’s time to vote. “Tarzan, please get the hell off this island before you drive me crazy,” says Chelsea. She’s only wanted him gone for about…well, how many people are there on the jury so far?

Probst reads the votes, and Chelsea does receive one. The rest go to Tarzan, because Kim has worked her voodoo once again.

There’s just one episode to go, and while Kim deserves to win, it’s entirely possible that things won’t shake out that way. She is positioned to become one of the most dominant winners in the history of the game, though. Join us on Sunday as we crown another victor.