This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for April 27-29, 2012
By Curt David
April 27, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of April 27th, the new movies in wide release are The Five-Year Engagement, The Pirates! Band of Misfits, The Raven, and Safe.
| The Five-Year Engagement | The Pirates! Band of Misfits | The Raven | Safe | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | This could be a romantic comedy or a quirky indie drama. | With the exclamation point, this is probably a children's movie. | Perhaps this movie is about Edgar Allen Poe. | A single word for the title? Probably a thriller. | None of these titles are that clear. The Raven is going to win the point, though. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Romantic Comedy: Rated R for sexual content, and language throughout. | Animation Adventure: Rated PG for mild action, rude humor, and language. | Mystery Thriller: Rated R for bloody violence and grisly images. | Action Thriller: Rated R for strong violence throughout, and language. | Three R rated movies?! Pirates wins a point for being unique. |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "A comedy about the journey between popping the question and tying the knot"
3/5- Two stars for an average tagline, bonus star for the hilarious poster | "Laugh your booty off"
4/5- HA! It's a pun on the nickname of a body part and on pirate's treasure! | "The only one who can stop a serial killer is the man who inspired him"
3/5- A little long, but intriguing | "She has the code. He has the key."
2/5 I don't know what that means. | Also, "Kick some booty," and "It's a Plunderful Life." HA! Another point for the pirates. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Charming cast. Moments of laughter. | Maybe kids will like it. | Spooky. Looks fun. | The long version trailer is good! (much better than generic 15 second tv spot) | The Five-Year Engagement and The Raven are going to split the point for best trailer. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and The Muppets. | The voice of Hugh Grant from Notting Hill and Four Weddings and a Funeral. | John Cusack from 1408, 2012, and Serendipity. | Jason Statham from The Transporter and Crank. | I like all four actors. Only one brought me The Muppets. Jason Segel, thank you. (Here's a point) |
| Best Cast | Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada) and smaller roles for Kevin Hart (Think Like a Man), Mindy Kaling (The Office), and Molly Shannon (SNL) | The voices of Jeremy Piven (Entourage), Salma Hayek (Frida), and Al Roker (Today). | Luke Evans (Immortals) and Brendan Gleeson (Mad-Eye Moody from Harry Potter) | Chris Sarandon (The Princess Bride) | Emily Blunt wins this round. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | From writer (along with Segel) and director Nicholas Stoller, who also wrote The Muppets and directed Forgetting Sarah Marshall. | Director Peter Lord also directed Chicken Run. | Director James McTeigue also directed V for Vendetta. | Writer and Director Boaz Yakin has also written Prince of Persia and directed Remember the Titans. | The Muppets. Chicken Run. V for Vendetta. Remember the Titans. Four amazing movies. 1/4th point for each director. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Five-Year Engagement scores 2 and 3/4 points, The Pirates! Band of Misfits scores 2 and 1/4 points, The Raven scores 1 and 3/4 points, and Safe scores 1/4 point.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you like Jason Statham movies, feel free to watch Safe this weekend. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, The Five-Year Engagement is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: 1408 and 2012! Why didn't I think of putting those two movies in the first sentence of my column before today!
Conclusion 3: I loved the movie Chicken Run in high school, so much so, that I bought a VHS copy of it for my girlfriend of the time. She didn't like it. We have since stopped dating. I still like Chicken Run, though.