This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for April 13, 2012
By Curt David
April 13, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com

He'll be fine. Probably.
New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, Sleeping Beauty, Black Beauty, American Beauty, and Beauty Shop all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (nine weeks until I can see Catherine Zeta-Jones on screen again!).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of April 13th, the new movies in wide release are The Cabin in the Woods, Lookout, and The Three Stooges.

The Cabin in the Woods LockoutThe Three StoogesWINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest TitleI would not suggest going to a Cabin in the Woods. Classic one word thriller title if I ever saw one. What? The Three Stooges!?Everyone has heard of The Three Stooges. Point for clearest title.
Best Genre
and Rating		Horror:
Rated R for strong bloody horror violence and gore, language, some drug use, and some sexuality/nudity. 		Thriller:
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and language including some sexual references. 		Comedy:
Rated PG for slapstick action violence, some rude and suggestive humor including language.		The stars have aligned. This is my ideal weekend, when we have three different genres AND three different ratings. 1/3 point all around!
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)		"You think you know the whole story"

5/5- I like this tagline, because I was going to write this movie off as unoriginal before reading that. 		"Take no prisoners"

1/5- Okay, this tagline suggests this title is going to be unoriginal		"Just Say Moe."

3/5- Punny. 		You think you know who will win this column. You are right. Point for The Cabin.
Best Part of TrailerWhoa. This might be the first horror trailer in the history of this column that I liked a lot. Original. Interesting. It looks 50% meh, and 50% super awesome!I tried not to laugh, but I did one time. The Cabin in the Woods becomes one of the few horror trailers to win a point in this column.
Coolest Lead ActorChris Hemsworth from Thor (as Thor).Guy Pearce from Memento, L.A. Confidential, and The Hurt Locker. Sean Hayes from Will & Grace (as Jack). Hmm, I could go any way for this point. I'll play it safe and give each guy 1/3 point.
Best CastRichard Jenkins (The Visitor), Bradley Whitford (The West Wing), and a Sigourney Weaver (Alien) cameo?Maggie Grace from Taken. Will Sasso (MADTv), Jane Lynch (Glee), Sofia Vergara (Modern Family), Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls), Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)I loved MADTv when I was growing up. Now I love Modern Family. Point for Jane Lynch.
Best Street Cred
For the Production		Written by Joss Whedon who also wrote Angel, Buffy, Firefly, and Toy Story. The original screenplay writer Luc Besson also wrote Taken, The Fifth Element, La Femme Nikita, and Transporter. Written and Directed by the Farrelly Brothers from Dumb & Dumber, There's Something About Mary, and Shallow Hal. Toy Story. Taken. Farrelly Brothers. Someone is going to get mad their favorite wasn't chosen, but I'll give 1/3 point out to each.


So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Three Stooges scores 3 points, The Cabin in the Woods scores 3 points, and Lockout scores 1 point.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you just finished the first Hunger Games book this week, feel free to now watch it in the theaters. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Three Stooges and The Cabin in the Woods are the best movies to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: I'm going to give The Cabin in the Woods the victory for this week, but I won't be sad if The Stooges make a lot of money (compared to my anger when a PG "rude humor" awful movie makes a ton of money. You heard me Smurfs and Kangaroo Jack.)
Conclusion 3: Luc Besson also write District B13 and its sequel- a crazy awesome action movie that stars the creator of Parkour!!! Check it out.