This Weekend, Watch This
A comparison for the new releases for April 6, 2012
By Curt David
April 6, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.
For the weekend of April 6th, the new movies in wide release are American Reunion and Titanic 3D.
| American Reunion | Titanic 3D | WINNER (1 point per category) | |
| Clearest Title | I only know this because I saw an advertisement, but this is an American Pie sequel. | This is a re-release of the second biggest movie of all time. | I would even go as far as to say that this is the most recognizable movie title of all-time. Point. |
| Best Genre and Rating | Comedy: Rated R for crude and sexual content throughout, nudity, language, brief drug use, and teen drinking. | Romantic Adventure: Rated PG-13 for disaster related peril and violence, nudity, sensuality, and brief language. | Different genres, different points. Or at least different shares of the same point. Or I guess an equal share of the same point is what I meant. |
| Cleverest Tagline (out of 5 stars) | "The class of '99 returns for their high school reunion." 3/5- Despite it being their 13 year reunion, this concept actually works well for an old high school movie. | "Experience it like never before" 3/5. This was a pretty epic movie and James Cameron has 3D cred. | Wow, I wasn't legally old enough to go see American Pie in the theaters. Movies will split the point for nostalgia sake. |
| Best Part of Trailer | Some parts were funny. | I just remember thinking the movie was a girl movie in junior high. But it actually looks like a good movie. | Both trailers will split the point for making me want to see their movie more than I did before. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jason Biggs from The American Pie trilogy. | Leonardo DiCaprio from Catch Me if You Can, The Departed, and Inception. | Despite me hating him in middle school, it's impressive how he is known for being a great actor in non-Titanic movies. Point for Leo. |
| Best Cast | Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother), Seann William Scott (Role Models), Mena Suvari (American Beauty), Jennifer Coolidge and Eugene Levy (Best in Show) | Kate Winslet (The Holiday), Kathy Bates (Misery), and Victor Garber (Alias!!!!) | American Beauty was not an American Pie sequel. Titanic still has the best cast a decade later. Point. |
| Best Street Cred For the Production | Writers and Directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Scholossberg have also written and directed the Harold and Kumar movies. | Director James Cameron is the definition of street cred. | Which is why he'll win this point. |
So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Titanic 3D scores 5 and 1/2 points and American Reunion scores 1 and 1/2 points.
You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to watch a relevant movie, feel free to watch The Hunger Games. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.
Conclusion 1: On paper, Titanic 3D is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Just looked at the Titanic cast list and Ioan Gruffudd had a bit role as an officer! He went on to star in King Arthur and the Fantastic Four movies.
Conclusion 3: So in seventh grade science, Andrew and I would play the Leo Game with Dana. We would take turns saying her name at increasing volume levels and nine names later she would turn around. Then later we would say Leonardo DiCaprio at increasing volume levels, and she would turn after the second name.