The Insert Shot: Secretary
By Tom Houseman
March 29, 2012
BoxOfficeProphets.com
But what if the opposite were true? What if in a sexual relationship the sex was a secondary factor and the power struggle was placed front and center? This would create a wildly different type of affair and an extremely different story. If both characters acknowledge, not necessarily aloud to each other, but at least to themselves, that the role of power is the central aspect of their affair, it will naturally cause them to interact with each other very differently than if neither of them understood the importance of the power that one character has over the other. This is the central conceit of Secretary.
Secretary is about Lee, a young woman who is hired by a lawyer named Mr. Grey to be his secretary. She begins an affair with him entrenched in BDSM, but the film is not just a cornucopia of kink. It is an exploration of how people are driven by their desires, desires they may be ashamed of, and how power, explicit, clearly defined power, can affect a relationship both negatively and positively. Both characters are consumed by addiction and through the course of the film learn that by denying a part of themselves, they are feeding rather than fighting that addiction. By examining the role that power plays in sexual affairs in a totally explicit, frank, and honest way, Secretary is able to unearth rarely spoken truths about the ways in which people can either conflate or separate sex and love and how crucial honesty is, both externally and internally, in any relationship.
Lee's life is defined by chaos. She is released from a psychiatric ward on the day of her sister's wedding, and within hours is dealing with her nervous mother and her alcoholic father. Is it any surprise that she relapses? We learn that Lee is an addict, not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but to self-mutilation. Unable to deal with the stress and emotional pain heaped on her by the outside world, Lee retreats to her room, to the box in which she keeps a number of tools she can use to cut herself. The tool that she picks clearly has a special significance; it is a toy ballerina whose foot has been sharpened to a point. The toy ballerina is a symbol of childhood innocence perverted, twisted and reshaped into a means of self-destruction.
The next time we see Lee harm herself is just after her parents end a shouting match with her father storming out. It is not a coincidence that stressful situations precede Lee's acts of self-harm. Just as Lee's father self-medicates with alcohol, Lee self-medicates with pain. When she puts a scalding hot teapot on her leg it is so the pain will consume her. She is able to lose herself completely in the pain, removing herself from everything that is making her miserable. Only in the moments of extreme pain is she able to forget about the rest of the world.
Lee has no control in her life, both in a literal sense and a figurative one. Lee lives with her mother and does not own a car. When she becomes Mr. Grey's secretary her mother drives her to and from work. She has very little privacy and virtually no autonomy. But the world she lives in is emotionally chaotic as well. There is constant sadness and anger around her that she cannot control, stop, or shut out. She cannot control her parents or her own emotional reaction to them. Lee has found only one way to actually take control of her life, and it is by intentionally giving herself to the pain. By completely embracing the pain she inflicts upon herself, by choosing not to fight it, she is in a sense finding freedom: the freedom to not have to fight. It is the act of choosing that gives Lee control, even if the choice is to relinquish all control.
Mr. Grey's life is less chaotic than Lee's, but he also feels like he does not have control over his own life, mainly because of the tumultuous divorce through which he is going. Mr. Grey also deals with the lack of control in his life by craving control, but in a far more direct way than Lee does. Lee gives herself to the pain completely, taking control by relinquishing freedom. Mr. Grey takes control by putting himself in situations where he is literally, physically, in control. One of our early impressions of Mr. Grey involves him watering his plants. He is not haphazard or laissez affaire in the way he waters his plants, but intensely meticulous. Often people who do not have control over their lives find ways to create extreme and detailed ways of organizing small aspects of their lives. For Mr. Grey, he finds refuse from the chaos within the complete control he has over the lives of his flowers.
These two characters are dealing with similar issues in diametrically opposed ways. Lee's drug of choice, if you will, is intentionally losing control as a way to distinguish these moments of safety from the rest of her life when she has no choice. Mr. Grey's drug of choice is creating opportunities to have complete control as a way of creating the illusion that he does have control. Neither of these coping mechanisms are healthy because they both avoid the problem rather than creating viable long-term solutions. But they are very, very mutually compatible, which is why they are able to recognize this need in each other.
We can assume that Mr. Grey is more sexually experienced than Lee, considering that he was married and that Lee gives the impression that she is very inexperienced. Based on his experience and their dynamic, Mr. Grey takes the lead. Their initial interactions reveal their obvious sexual attraction and chemistry, and seem to develop into a game. Mr. Grey pushes Lee, seeing how far she will go to follow his instructions. There is not a natural sexual element to rummaging through the garbage for a paper that may have been thrown away, but every interaction that Mr. Grey and Lee have, especially any that involve Mr. Grey giving an order, has a sexual undercurrent to it.
That their relationship quickly becomes less professional is not surprising. The way they move and talk to each other makes it abundantly clear that not only do they desire each other, but that she wants to be submissive to him and he wants to dominate her. Many affairs are complicated by an imbalance of power, but the role that this imbalance plays in this affair is so explicit that it drives all of their actions on a conscious level. Mr. Grey is Lee's boss, which automatically gives him power over her. This inherent power feeds this dynamic, heightened by the sexual energy and the taboo nature of their affair. Most important, this is the way for both of them to feed their addictions.
For Lee there is a positive aspect to their power dynamic, in that it fulfills both of their needs. Lee craves freedom through giving up control, and that is exactly what Mr. Grey provides her. She is used to taking up as little space as possible, and being as quiet as possible, in reaction to how loud and aggressive her parents are. The only way she can open up is when Mr. Grey orders her to, demanding that she answer the phone in a loud and commanding voice. When he tells her that she is going to walk home rather than have her mother pick her up, he is giving her a sense of freedom and autonomy that she was unable to find herself, and she finds fulfillment and power in walking home even though she is following an order. And when he demands that she stop cutting herself, it is as if she had been waiting for that moment, for somebody to tell her to just stop. This affair, so different than anything else in Lee's life, is extremely fulfilling and liberating.
While Mr. Grey certainly gets pleasure from his activities with Lee, he does not get the same sense of freedom that she does. What Mr. Grey cannot do is reconcile his emotional feelings for Lee with his desire to dominate and control her. His idea of being dominant is being cold and distant, whether it is throwing away food that Lee gives him or ignoring her presence. For him there is a clear disconnect between the sadomasochistic aspect of a relationship and the emotional connection. It is entirely possible that this is the reason why his marriage fell apart. If you are unable to simultaneously care about someone and explore your sexual interests, it is extremely difficult to have a satisfying relationship. Sadism is not necessarily an addiction, but because Mr. Grey cannot emotionally handle his sadistic and dominant desires, they become a source of stress in his life, preventing him from having fulfilling romantic relationships. They become an addiction.
Obviously, both of them get off on Mr. Grey's abuse of their power dynamic, which even stretches beyond the office. We do not see them have sex because it is not an important aspect of their affair. They do not need to have sex because the games that they play provide them he sexual gratification that they need. When Mr. Grey beats Lee, or puts a saddle on her, or tells her exactly how many peas she is allowed to eat, it fulfills both of their needs. But they do not have a real relationship. Their affair takes place largely in a professional setting in which they both have jobs to do, but their interactions are wildly unprofessional. What they do would be perfectly appropriate if they were a couple playing boss and secretary, but in the real world, where he is really her boss and she is really his secretary, they are completely inappropriate. And it is this divide, between the games they play and the real world, that makes their affair so problematic.
The only sex scene we see is between Lee and her boyfriend, Peter, who does not fulfill her needs. Peter is very safe, yet he does not provide a respite from the chaos that surrounds Lee's life, nor does he partake in exploring her masochistic tendencies, despite her invitations. When they have sex it is perfunctory and unsatisfying for her, and when he asks her, worriedly, if he hurt her, the tone in her voice is wistful and sad when she responds “no.” In Lee's fantasies she craves the degradation and control that Mr. Grey provides, but also a sense of intimacy and comfort that he withholds. She does not imagine them having sex, rather, she pictures Mr. Grey holding her. This is the physical and emotional closeness that she is unable to receive from Mr. Grey and is presumably why she stays with Peter for so long.
Both Lee and Mr. Grey are addicted to this power dynamic. The problem arises when this dynamic negatively affects their work environment. Mr. Grey understands that he cannot run a professional law office while carrying on this kind of affair with his secretary. Lee, who has less at stake professionally than Mr. Grey does, and is also far more emotionally involved, has no interest in ending their affair or giving up her new addiction. Mr. Grey, however, sees more clearly the detrimental effect of his addiction on his job, and decides to quit cold turkey. The red marker that Mr. Grey uses to circle the typos in Lee's typing is an obvious symbol of their shared addiction. It stands out on every page, highlighting her flaws as a way of degrading her and showing his control over her. But Mr. Grey realizes that he cannot run a practice while having this kind of a relationship with his secretary, which is why he abruptly stops dominating and beating Lee. One of the clearest physical manifestations of this transition is that he throws away all of his red markers, which we both see and are told by Lee, making it abundantly clear how important they are. The imposing cup of red markers that was on Mr. Grey's desk is removed, and with it the relationship that Mr. Grey and Lee had.
But while both of them understand the roles in their relationship, it is never openly discussed between them. They fall into the roles so effortlessly that there is never any open communication, which means that when Mr. Grey ends the relationship, he is unable to articulate to her what he is going through. Instead he merely pretends that nothing ever happened. But because she has a much stronger emotional investment than he does, she is deeply hurt by what feels to her like betrayal and abandonment. She only sees the positive aspect of their affair, not the deleterious consequences. This is the disconnect from which the conflict is derived. Lee sees their affair as part of a relationship, while for Mr. Grey it is a diversion.
When Lee attempts to reignite their affair, she does so by playing to his addiction. The worm that she places in an envelope brings out Mr. Grey's last red pen, which he had hidden out of sight but clearly not out of mind. Bringing back their power dynamic also strengthens its intensity, but what it does not do is further develop it. This is the exact same dynamic that existed before, which is what both of them think they want. But Lee has made it abundantly clear, to the viewer if not to herself, that she needs a deeper emotional connection from Mr. Grey in addition to the physical aspect. Mr. Grey also craves this emotional connection, although much less obviously than Lee does. He denies this need because he believes that what they are doing is a game, and while he focuses on the fact that it is a game he is able to ignore his emotional investment.
Although he relapses, Mr. Grey still realizes that he cannot have this kind of affair with his secretary in a professional atmosphere. He understands that the red markers are not the real temptation, but that with Lee in his office he will not be able to resist the temptation. That is why he fires her. Lee once again interprets this action as a repudiation of her, as if he was breaking up with her. Mr. Grey does not intend to break her heart because in his mind the heart is not involved in their activities, and yet her heart is broken. That they have such different takes on what their relationship means is why it cannot continue as it is, and for Mr. Grey that means that it has to end.
The grand romantic gesture in films is often excessively grandiose, and Secretary is no exception, but it is the purpose that this gesture serves in Secretary that makes it more effective than what most other films try to accomplish. In most films the gesture is a way of converting words into actions. Person A says “I love you” but Person B does not believe them until Person A does something so saccharine and romantic that said love cannot be denied. This is not what Lee's gesture is meant to do. When Mr. Grey tells her to not move from his desk she takes the order seriously, and that is the point. She is sending a message to Mr. Grey: this is not a game. This is real. This is serious.
Mr. Grey and Lee are able to resolve their conflict by understanding what they want from this relationship. Mr. Grey sees their affair as disturbing and dysfunctional, something to be hidden and ashamed of. By sitting at his desk for three days without moving or eating, Lee makes it abundantly clear that she is not ashamed of either her feelings for Mr. Grey or the way that she expresses them. When Mr. Grey realizes that the power dynamic involved in their relationship is not incompatible with serious emotional involvement he is able to embrace his feelings for Lee and literally embrace Lee. Lee stops working for him and their affair transitions into a serious, meaningful relationship. Their relationship becomes loving and caring, with the S&M and power dynamic enveloped in it, rather than separate from it.
In a sense, all relationships are unhealthy. The combination of love, lust, codependence, and fear of being alone is a bad combination, and the idea of building a life around another person sounds like a terrible idea. Secretary explores a relationship that seems on the surface to be entirely dysfunctional because it is built on power disparity. But instead of fighting this disparity, Lee and Mr. Grey accept it and embrace it, and are able to be fulfilled both physically and emotionally. On the verge of collapse for virtually the entire film, Lee and Mr. Grey are able to find fulfillment when they no longer treat their desires as addictions to be suppressed but as healthy ways of showing their love for each other and indulging themselves. In a way, this is as close to healthy as any relationship can get.